In times of change, self-doubt can creep up on us. What was normal has vanished and we are learning to adjust to a new and different way of life. Be patient and encourage yourself. “Know that you are good enough. Each of us is.”
More now than ever, as personal worlds shrink, “Connect into the world around you.” Reach out in simple ways, a text, a phone call or a little note or card by post. It will be a source of encouragement to others and to you!
Little did we think a few short weeks ago that we would be trying to accept the reality of Corona Virus. This new reality may well mean you are not fuming in a traffic jam but you may be feeling frightened, lonely and isolated or indeed feeling over-whelmed by being in too close quarters with loved ones. Whatever the reason for your stress levels remember Anne’s words, remind yourself often and just know “When the time is right you’ll be ready to move on!”
Yes, just like the photo, lives have been turned sideways, and upside down. But, we are resilient and we can adjust!
If you are lucky enough to be able to visit a beach, share your photo or link in the comments below. If you’re in lockdown and can’t visit a beach, don’t be afraid to dream up one!
Find a photo of a recent trip to the beach on your phone or better still dust of an old photo album and find one there. Memories are powerful! Relive those memories, smell the sea, hear the sounds all around you. Share what you recall, with others in the comments below or with those present around you.
Life is sometimes choppy, sometimes calm. Find the calm today and encourage others to find the calm too!
Mindfully Marie xx
Anne can be contacted at email@example.com
With a new goal in mind, I’ve had to reluctantly decide to refrain from writing new blog posts, for the immediate future. To keep my blog active I am instead going to re-run my existing posts.
I’ve had to come to this decision so I can dedicate time to my writing project.
I am in the process of compiling my Bullying & Beyond posts into a book. To give adequate time to this project I have to be proactive in managing my health (due to the challenges of living with CFS/Fibromyalgia, as anyone living with a chronic illness will understand).
I’ve really appreciated your constant company while I shared my Bullying & Beyond posts.
Your friendship, encouraging comments and shared experiences have played a huge role in helping me overcome the pain of supporting our children through school bullying and has enabled me to reclaim my voice and write about our experience. I am so grateful to all of you for this gift!
If you would like to share any information about supports available in your area or if you would like to research any bullying prevention and intervention resources that are relevant to where you live I would be delighted to hear from you and look forward to your participation.
I hope you will continue to keep me company and continue to share your thoughts with me. I will of course reply to any comments received!
‘NYCTINASTY’…that’s what it’s called when a flower closes in on itself at night to protect itself from a night-time chill or a nectar thief such as bats.
But when you watch your own child close in on themselves the ‘NYCTI’ vanishes from your mind and all that remains are the questions, those ‘NASTY’ nagging, unanswered questions!
You can see your child’s pain and of course being a parent, you can feel their pain but the worst pain is the helplessness you feel being unable to rightify their pain.
There are, you begin to realise, so many things outside your control but over time I’ve learnt that there is so much you CAN do…
You can regularly let your child know that you see that IT’S NOT EASY for them at the moment.
You can also voice, with confidence, even if you don’t feel confident, that you ARE THERE FOR THEM and that you have their back.
You can also be adult enough to realise that the temper tantrums and door slammings are their ONLY way of voicing what they are otherwise unable to verbalise.
Even when their words sting and hurt you to the core you can hold your tongue, which surprisingly is the strongest muscle in our body yet is possibly the weakest when we feel under attack!
The closing-in, the isolating self-protection you see in your child, unlike the flower’s nyctinasty, is not something that reverses itself overnight like the flower that reopen to the first rays of morning warmth.
Your child’s process of re-opening to the world, may take much longer… But be patient and ‘JUST LOVE’ your child and in time they will re-open to the world around them, and you will see how amazing it is when they BLOSSOM!
When your child is being bullied at school, it is important to reach out and find professional support. There is a lot of qualified support out there but it is very important to find a counsellor that you and/or your child can relate to. The trust you build with your counsellor is vital to the healing process.
Shame is an important aspect of bullying and an aspect I’d like to raise awareness of. Teachers carry a heavy task, large class sizes and a wide variety of needs to be met but I think it’s important, for parents and teachers, to be very aware that children remember shaming remarks and wear them like a label, long after the event. The emotional growth of children is stunted if they are shamed in front of their siblings or peers.
This experienced and knowledgeable gentleman played an important part in providing insights that helped us heal our family. Of course when you gain insights from counselling, you can choose to learn from them and use them to heal your family or if you so wish, not learn from them or use them. At the end of the day, the path you choose is up to you…
Mindfully Marie xx
Shaming children leaves a lasting impact and gives them core shame which they bring into adult life
Shaming remarks made to children under twelve have a more drastic and permanent impact that can become core because, like parents, teachers spend a lot of time with them, and the frequency of these remarks is a key element in laying the crop of shame. A combination of parental and teaching shaming is particularly damaging and reinforces the sense of not being good enough in the child. We can choose not to shame any child. Education is not just about intellectual or cognitive development, it must include emotional nourishment as well, which is facilitated by praise and allowing children the space to interact with each other. So, I will leave this part of the blog with a simple poem by an unknown poet on the practical difference between shame and praise –
“I’ve got 2 A’s” the small boy cried,
His voice was filled with glee
His father very bluntly asked
“Why did you not get three?”
“I’ve mowed the grass” the tall boy said
“And put the mower away”.
His father asked him with a shrug,
“Did you clean off the clay?
“Mom, I’ve got the dishes done,”
The girl called from the door.
Her mother very calmly said
“And did you sweep the floor?”
The children in the house next door
Seemed happy and content.
The same things happened over there,
But this is how it went:
“I’ve got 2 A’s the small boy cried,
His voice was filled with glee.
His father very proudly said
“That’s great! I’m glad you live with me.”
“I’ve mowed the grass,” the tall boy said
“And put the mower away,”
His father answered with much joy,
“You’ve made my happy day”
“Mom, I’ve got the dishes done”
The girl called from the door.
Her mother smiled and softly said,
“Each day I love you more.”
Children need encouragement
For tasks they’re asked to do
If they’re to lead a happy life,
So much depends on you.