Quote No.52 from Encourage Yourself Encourage Others by Anne Devine.
What have you done during Lockdown that’s been new to you?
I’ve taken part in a Zoom poetry club and a Zoom Cafe Adler. They were fun and they gave me the opportunity for some new learning. I enjoyed the sense of community and it helped replace the social interaction I’ve been missing! I’ve also been busy sharing and enjoying these positive quotes and the lovely interactions they are creating for me!
Please share something you’ve never done before, something new and different that you’ve been doing!
Mindfully Marie xx
(Enquiries to email@example.com)
When our son was being bullied and he told the bullies to ‘stop’ they wouldn’t stop. When we sought help in school we were told “Sometimes you have to stand up for yourself.” When he stood up for himself and physically fought back, it stopped some of the bullies. Sometimes when one bully started a bout of verbal bullying others would join in and John would be out-numbered and unable to put an end to the unwanted taunting and teasing.
That sadly was the unpredictable and repeated reality for our son.
Some days school was what it was meant to be, a happy educational and social environment. He came home to us full of chat, in great form and ready to engage with after school sports or other hobbies.
But other days the school torment returned…
Slowly we noticed him retreat into himself and take refuge in his room. He started to delay getting ready for school and for his hobbies. We couldn’t understand what was happening to him. He couldn’t sleep and soon developed insomnia. We took him to his GP. Many rows centered around him always being late. He began to drop away from his hobbies and miss more time from school. We felt all our efforts to communicate in a positive and respectful manner were met instead with fits of temper. Now we know that he was unable to voice the painful abuse he was enduring, his behaviour was his only way of showing us his distress.
Bullies are cunning. Part of their power lies in the unpredictability of their attack and in their ability to silence and keep their victim in fear.
His tormentors knew that over time, with sustained and unpredictable abuse they could break him.
“I was only messing”,
“I was only having a laugh”,
These are just two excuses that children offer when they are caught bullying another child and challenged for their behaviour.
As parents or teachers it is important to discuss with all children what bullying is and what bullying isn’t. It is important to encourage children to talk about bullying, whether it is bullying they are experiencing, bullying they have witnessed or bullying they are perpetrating.
When boys are engaged in horseplay; which is a common way for adolescent boys to behave, the physicality is okay once all involved are willing participants. But if one child is being targeted by another child or by a group of children and being verbally or physically mistreated then this behaviour is unwarranted and needs to be addressed. Children buy into group behaviour and follow the lead of other more assertive children, often for fear of being a target themselves, if they don’t follow the bully’s lead.
As parents and teachers we can’t assume that all children understand when ‘messing,’ or ‘having a laugh,’ over-steps its boundary and is no longer just a bit of giddy fun.
Whether at home or in school, children need to be educated about bullying and made aware that when a child objects to any unwanted, continuous and upsetting behaviour, if it does not stop, then it is deliberate and willful bullying! If bullying is left uncontested it can and will undermine the victim’s physical, psychological and emotional wellbeing. If you would like to read about some of the consequences of bullying, we have shared our experiences in Bullying & Beyond… Painting the Pain, part one.
Have you ever discussed bullying with your child? Have you ever watched your child retreat into themselves as a result of bullying? Is “I was only messing” ever a good enough excuse?
Did you know that every time your child is bullied, it leaves a mark, physical, emotional or psychological
And did you know that every time your child is bullied… so are you!
Every time you seek support and fail to get the support you need for your child, you and your family are being bullied again through neglect and broken, dysfunctional systems.
Don’t stand by and let that happen. Trust your gut instinct. If it doesn’t feel right, then it isn’t right!
Don’t stop looking for and expecting solutions until you receive some. If you failed to find answers in the past, don’t beat yourself up or feel guilty, instead, keep in mind this quote “I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better” Maya Angelou.
Now, refocus you efforts and more determined than ever, continue your search for answers.
Have you ever felt bullied because your child was bullied? How did it make you feel? Did you listen to your intuitive gut feeling and renew your efforts to find answers?
You may like to start your search to find some of those answers here on Create Space in my Bullying & Beyond series, here are two suggestions,
Time and the right conditions not only preserve but bring about something of beauty – Marie Clancy.
“It is rare that children with good confidence and self esteem will be the victim of bullying”…so a recent article stated,
Rare…means seldom occurring.
I say beware the word ‘rare‘ which can lull you into a false sense of security…
Rare still happens to someone!
Have you ever stopped to consider how rare is rare?
Consider this… If your children were functioning to the peak of their individual ability at home, in school, and in community life until they were bullied, over an extended period of time, would that tip them into the ‘rare‘ category?
Or would reporting the bullying but being told ‘stand up for yourself,’ ‘build a wall and put it behind you’ or “he needs to be more resilient” be the tipping point into that “rare” category?
Having good confidence and self esteem might make you more effective at dealing with bullying, but if bullying is experienced on an on-going basis, and if it is left unsupported over a long period, it is the DURATION of bullying that, in my experience, overwhelms the victim’s confidence and self esteem and determines the impact of bullying, both short and long term.
The only solution to bullying, is rapid and easyaccess to support and that support must be informed, professional and cohesive. Anything less is unacceptable! You might find some information & support in this post…Bullying & Beyond…20 Knowledge is Power!
What do you think? Please join in this conversation and help others find the support they need, now, and not when it is too late.
bravely said “I was bullied for being fat and nerdy and bad at sports. Thank God I could get away from the kids outside of school and escape into books and tv shows. I also found my own hobbies, such as needlepoint. But today, with social media, there’s no escape. That’s the worst ~ I can’t imagine the horror of never escaping the peer group.”
responded with empathy saying…
“I’m so glad for you Paula. It can be so frustrating to live the pains of bullying always, never being able to escape. And isn’t it a silent killer”.
My thanks to both Paula and Parikhit for prompting this post.
I can, from experience, confirm that bullying via social media is as noxious as poison gas, it is a silent killer!
One Christmas while we were enjoying a family gathering our daughter was suffering in silence in the midst of us, as bullies targeted her with vile and upsetting messages on social media. We were oblivious to this happening until our daughter could no longer contain her distress and broke down telling us. Even after the girls in question were reprimanded and made close their social media accounts, the bullying continued because they were able to create new accounts using fake identification.
Social media enables bullies to infiltrate the victim’s home; often the only safe space victims have. Online bullying is omnipresent, affecting children, adults and even Politicians, as we’ve seen during the United Kingdom’s Brexit attempts.
When bullying is frequent and continues over a protracted period it can cripple the victim leaving them distressed and confused. The implications can be life long, leaving them with low confidence and self-esteem, and can cause them intense dislike of themselves for being too fat, too thin, nerdy, shy or a miriad of other perfectly normal human characteristics just because a bully decided these traits were “unacceptable”.
Other sign of distress can include mood swings, anxiety, depression, insomnia, panic attacks, eating disorders, OCD, and finally but not exhaustively, self-harm until another innocent, tormented life could be lost to bullying.
Having witnessed the effect of online bullying I’d like to highlight to parents the distress children feel at, the horror of never escaping from this silent killer.” I’d also like to stress the lasting impact of bullying and encourage parents, adults & society to be vigilant.
Have you or your children been bullied? Did you/they experience “the horror of never escaping the peer group” because of the pervasiveness of social media? Did you watch this silent killer in action?
Welcome to Monday’s memory lane where I share an old post…
In this post I considered the word “Measure”…
A common noun, a thing, a word with a lot of meanings such as the size or quantity of something. It can also mean a unit of size or quantity, such as the size of our home or the quantity or amount of friends we are blessed with. Measure can also mean extent, the range over which something extends; its area, such as the ground our home covers or the extent to which we can depend on our friends or them on us. Measure can also mean action taken, law or even be applied to poetry as poeticalrhythm.
So if one word can have so many meanings and mean so many different things, surely, that’s all the more reason to be measured in the words we use and the things we say.
How often do we stop and measure what we are about to say before we rush headlong into saying it without thought of the consequences.
Has life always been measured or depending on your social standing, not measured at all? Are we either highly valued or of no value?
Do we measure ourselves only by comparing ourselves to others? I envy your attitude, your ability to remain positive in the face of adversity. What a measured put-down and denial of our own measure.
Just check out social media if you are unsure of how you measure yourself. To what extent is our success, popularity and acceptance measured by the number of likes, shares, followers and retweets achieved?