No matter where you are in the world, remember as you walk forward into 2020 you have your friend at your side and I’m here for you waiting in the shadow…
Le grà,
Mindfully Marie xx
When we deny who we are and how we really feel, either physically and/or mentally we silence our authentic self. We reject ourselves. For years I didn’t admit that I have fibro/fatigue, except to a few family members and close friends. When we reject ourselves we are bullying ourselves. We think we are not good enough, we focus on our flaws and feel a sense of shame.
Similarly, when we are bullied we are also silenced. We are judged by someone and denied the opportunity to be our real selves. We think we are not good enough and we withdraw from society or family. When we withdraw emotionally we block off our true emotions, denying ourselves the right to acknowledge and feel our emotions.
When our daughter experienced bullying, it caused her to step into survivor mode. She put up a front whilst crying inside. She couldn’t let the bullies see her crying. She knew if she broke down crying, it would fuel even more bullying.
After finishing secondary school she moved past bullying, building back her resilience. She participated in further education and in society. She set and achieved many new goals. She met new and inclusive peers, friends and educators. All these mature, self-aware people bolstered her confidence.
However, even if it’s been years since you were bullied, a simple, present day event may unexpectedly trigger the same feelings. This was the case for our daughter. It only took one educator to criticise Emma and her work, in front of her peers, to bring our daughter right back to survival mode.
This time it was different. Emma found the courage to address the issue to her school counsellor. She sought advice. She spoke up to that educator. She stood up for herself. She didn’t need to call upon her parents. She was self-sufficient.
But despite speaking up for herself, the trauma of being disrespected and denied the right to be herself, triggered her survival mode. All the things she could do with ease soon became overwhelming. That was almost nine months ago.
Anxiety
Low mood
Mood swings
Isolation
Fear
Agoraphobia
Panic attacks
Loneliness
All symptoms of bullying.
Then Emma’s new puppy, Doris arrived.
More mental health support came on-board. But there are still ups and downs.
She felt lonely a few nights ago but she didn’t deny her feelings. She didn’t hide it. She cried for the loneliness and for the years of denying her true self. You can learn more about isolation here Bullying & Beyond…A victim’s abject loneliness.
She cried while we were away, only showing us a glimpse when we returned. But a glimpse is enough to show us that she has turned a corner because now she is beginning to listen to and acknowledge how she feels. She is learning to externalise how she feels instead of internalising the pain. That is a big step and an important lesson!
We can also learn a lesson from her new, trainee Psychiatric Assistance Dog, Doris.
Doris saw Emma’s upset. Doris didn’t deny her. The opposite in fact, Dorris, a little puppy, stretched herself across our daughter’s lap and kissed and licked her. Dorris accepted Emma exactly as she was.
Have you been denied the right to be yourself? Do you deny yourself? What supports can you access to build your resilience and be your true self?
Le grà,
Mindfully Marie xx
Paula’s Light prompts of Brazil, Nut & petunia for some weird reason made me think of a bit of random fun and joy. Where that idea came from I don’t know but I’m learning to trust and follow my gut feeling… so read on if you’re in the market today for some joyful poppycock and in case you’ve never come across some poppycock before and need a little confirmation of what it is, here’s a few synonyms… to leave you in little doubt!
Synonyms: applesauce [slang], balderdash, baloney (also boloney), beans, bilge, blah (also blah-blah), blarney, blather, blatherskite, blither, bosh, bull [slang], bunk, bunkum (orbuncombe), claptrap, codswallop [British], crapola [slang], crock, drivel, drool, fiddle, fiddle-faddle, fiddlesticks, flannel [British], flapdoodle, folderol (also falderal), folly, foolishness, fudge, garbage, guff, hogwash, hokeypokey, hokum, hoodoo, hooey, horsefeathers [slang], humbug, humbuggery, jazz, malarkey (also malarky), moonshine, muck, nerts [slang], nuts, piffle, nonsense, punk, rot, rubbish, senselessness, silliness, slush, stupidity, taradiddle (or tarradiddle), tommyrot, tosh, trash, trumpery, twaddle
Sometimes you can’t
find the joy,
in Ireland or in Brazil
nuts, but it makes you think,
Where’s the Joy gone?
And how can you reclaim it?
Sleep on it,
The wise man said
And ask The Universe,
that’s the boy
to ask for joy
And let it manifest.
So nap I did, and what a trip
with little provocation,
and no apparent
rhyme or reason…
A Purple Pimpernel appeared
In a dream
from Instagram’s
artyplantsman https://www.instagram.com/p/BzLw-S-AJQe/?igshid=jjqt76jgsz3k
(You won’t be dissapointed if you take a look)
the petunia knew
the purple hue
was the cue to it’s joy-cation!
What a random load of poppycock!
https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/74951/posts/2327863044
With fun & joy,
Mindfully Marie xx
Welcome to Monday’s Memory Lane where I share a post from before we came to know each other.
Do you ever feel overwhelmed? Does life feel too busy? Have we become addicted to being busy? How do we shift our focus to a more positive one? I hope you will read on…Life – More grass than flowers? Shift your focus!
Le gra,
Mindfully Marie xx
You can’t beat the sight or sound of a wave, or many waves to wash over you and sooth your spirit. A friendly wave from across the street or from a friend as they drive past also lifts my spirit. Top it off with a hug and you’re onto a winner.
Do waves and hugs improve your day?
Le grà,
Mindfully Marie.
Inspired by Calmkate’s Friday Fun – Waves @ aroused blog
https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/96548416/posts/8403
Welcome to Monday’s memory Lane where I share a post from before we came to know each other.
What does feeling confident mean to you?… Feeling Confident is…
I wish you a day filled with love, particularly self love, the kind that gives you the courage to be comfortable in your own skin!
Le grà,
Mindfully Marie xx
May 12th was Fibromyalgia awareness day…
Welcome to my Fibromyalgia awareness day post… yes, a few days late! Why?
Simply because…
Fibromyalgia doesn’t play by the rules! It doesn’t respect you just because you plan to write a post for Fibromyalgia day…
Fibromyalgia is unpredictable and messes with your plans!
But, life still carried on and the world didn’t fall apart. So this is for all who live with Fibromyalgia as a companion …
Fibromyalgia is…
F athomless, it’s an
I illusive illness, that’s painful & perplex,
B oth ruthless and instructive,
R uins you
O r
M atures
Y ou,
A s it
L languishes or livens your soul;
G rab it to you, seek out its gifts
I nscribe your name on it, as you
A chieve your dreams & nothing less!
Le grà,
Mindfully Marie xx
Thank you for joining me for a post from the past on Monday’s memory Lane.
Yesterday after work, the traffic was lighter than usual as I headed towards home. I rounded the corner after the roundabout to find the set of traffic lights on red. This is unusual as you see, I have a very pro-active driving Angel, who always, well, 90 per cent of always, has any traffic lights on green for me! She’s also top class at securing parking spaces for me whilst I have to laugh at how difficult it is for my husband to find a parking space, but then again he doesn’t believe in parking angels!
I’ve had a conversation about this particular set of traffic lights with one of my colleagues (weird I know, this probably says a lot about me as a person!), and he was adamant that he is alway met with a red light, but then he admitted that he has an expectation, as he rounds that corner that the traffic lights will be on red! So another non-believer of driving angels and I wonder if that tell us anything about the power of expectation also!
Anyway, today was different for me. I was faced with a red light for a change and I slowed to a halt with two cars stopped in front of me. The lights turned green, the first car drove off but no budge from the second car. I sat there and patiently waited for what in honesty was probably only a few seconds but felt like an eternity!
Suddenly a set of eyes appeared in that car’s rear view mirror and a very definite wave of thanks accompanied it. The driver, a lady, had finally come back from her daydream and realised the lights were green and began to drive off.
It’s funny what self-monologue tells us but that look in her rear view mirror and accompanying wave had me convinced of her genuine embarrassment and upset for not obeying the rules of the road and also for keeping me waiting.
As we drove out of town she was right in front of me. We passed shopping centres, garages and the park and suddenly at the last minute she indicated left, jamed on her breaks and drove into the graveyard. Luckily I was not in a daydream or I would certainly have rearended her.
At that moment I was convinced that she has recently buried her dearest relative and was struggling to cope with daily life, so much so, that her concentration and driving was affected.
I felt thankful that, unlike so many people, caught up in the rush of life, I hadn’t let road rage and the pressures of life cause me to blare the car horn at her when she kept me waiting at the traffic lights. Instead I wondered what unseen, buried pain she carried and was glad I had shown just a little patience.
Le grà,
Mindfully Marie xx
Today a father and his little son were walking along a quiet street approaching a corner. The little boy, about three years old, made a dash away from his father towards the corner of the street. We were driving towards the same corner. My husband had already anticipated the possibilities and slowed down, well below the speed limit.
I saw the father of the little boy suddenly react. He ran a few steps and grabbed his son by the arm, just at the edge of the path. He aggressively jerked his son’s little arm a number of times, loudly chastising him as we drove past. I thought about how many times I had near misses when my children were young and I could hear my heart beating loudly in my ears.
This child had done something wrong, but he is a child and still learning. The mistake he made could have meant he was seriously injured or even worse, had he actually dashed off the street and onto the road in front of our car.
I thought about who needs to be corrected here. Nobody trains us to be parents. After fourteen years in school we leave without any training or qualification in childcare. But when a parent walks along a quiet street with a three year old child, and pays more attention to their phone screen than to their child, then it’s not the child that needs to be corrected!
So, if you have a near one with your child, think about who needs to learn from the experience and if you’re ready to jump in and chastise your child, think about what message you are giving them…
Instead, I encourage you to calm yourself. Kneel down to their height, hug them to you, tell them you love them. Then look them in the eye and tell them about the fright you got, talk about the rules of the road and about the danger of dashing off the path onto the road and then sit back and think…
Thank your lucky stars that you are still a parent…
and that you still have time to enhance your parenting skills…
because no matter how much attention you give your phone screen…
Google, Ecosia or any other search will not take away the heartbreak or show you how to bring your little son back to life.
Le grà,
Mindfully Marie xx
