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Bullying & Beyond…Beware the word ‘Rare’?

Time and the right conditions not only preserve but bring about something of beauty – Marie Clancy.

 

“It is rare that children with good confidence and self esteem will be the victim of bullying”…so a recent article stated,

Rare…means seldom occurring.

I say beware the word ‘rare‘ which can lull you into a false sense of security…

Rare still happens to someone!

Have you ever stopped to consider how rare is rare?

Consider this… If your children were functioning to the peak of their individual ability at home, in school, and in community life until they were bullied, over an extended period of time, would that tip them into the ‘rare‘ category?

Or would reporting the bullying but being told ‘stand up for yourself,’ ‘build a wall and put it behind you’ or “he needs to be more resilient” be the tipping point into that “rare” category?

Having good confidence and self esteem might make you more effective at dealing with bullying, but if bullying is experienced on an on-going basis, and if it is left unsupported over a long period, it is the DURATION of bullying that, in my experience, overwhelms the victim’s confidence and self esteem and determines the impact of bullying, both short and long term.

The only solution to bullying, is rapid and easy access to support and that support must be informed, professional and cohesive. Anything less is unacceptable! You might find some information & support in this post…Bullying & Beyond…20 Knowledge is Power!

What do you think? Please join in this conversation and help others find the support they need, now, and not when it is too late.

Le grà,

Mindfully Marie xx

 

Bullying & Beyond…A victim’s abject loneliness.

Abject … sunk to or existing in a low state or condition : very bad or severe…

Loneliness… being without company, sad from being alone…

If you feel lonely, you are ironically not alone in that feeling, you are one of many, part of a silent epidemic, not unique to Ireland…

https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.independent.ie/irish-news/health/loneliness-a-silent-epidemic-and-the-last-taboo-in-ireland-37018602.html

And if you want to identify the different types of loneliness and why it matters, you might like to read…

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-happiness-project/201702/7-types-loneliness-and-why-it-matters%3famp

But when mental health is being impacted by bullying, loneliness is one of the many feelings you experience.  

It wasn’t unusual for our daughter to come home from school sad and lonely.  The cause, we’d eventually learn was the result of exclusion by bullies.

Some of this exclusion came inadvertly from her quiet nature, making it difficult for her to feel free and easy in a crowd unlike her younger brother.

It’s also possible that she was labeled ‘a snob,” her quietness being mistakenly judged and found lacking; labeled unfriendly, aloof or too big for her boots.

I am compelled to warn parents to be vigilant, as the exclusion our daughter felt was very real.  

Exclusion is just one piece of arsenal employed by bullies.  It is actually a very nasty and common tool used by bullies.  It is both physical and psychological in it’s make-up.  It takes only one bully to disrespect and isolate your child and soon the bully will manage to sway the other, easily led children to do the same.  Often the other children are uneducated on the topic of bullying and being uninformed, they are unaware of the powerful and damaging impact of their actions.

Soon your child is isolated…

Alone…

Lonely…

Confused…

Voiceless…

And they begin to wear the labels, “unfriendly, “shy,” “snobby,” “not good enough” until that feeling of loneliness permiates their entire being.

Slowly their inner monologue changes from warm and fun-loving to I’m alone, unwanted, unloved.  

Before you know it, it deepens to “there’s something wrong with me, and the bullie’s labels turn your child’s belief that they are “shy” into social anxiety.

Be mindful that any ongoing stress, even when professional support is sought out, can still trigger anxiety years later.  

Panic attacks can develop, leading to further self-exclusion or worse still panic disorder.  This feeling of being overwhelmed by any social interaction can lead to agoraphobia (ag-uh-ruh-FOE-be-uh), a type of anxiety disorder in which you fear and avoid places or situations that might cause you to panic and makes you feel trapped, helpless or embarrassed.  You can learn more here…

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/agoraphobia/symptoms-causes/syc-20355987

So don’t stand for bullying, address it immediately, be aware of the power of exclusion and don’t allow bullies to bully you into silence and loneliness through your child.

Have you or your child experienced exclusion? How did it affect your/your child’s inner monologue?

Le grà,

Mindfully Marie xx

… to lowest pitch of abject fortune thou art fallen — John Milton (in Sampson Agoniste)

Time and the right conditions not only preserve but bring about something of beauty – Marie Clancy.

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