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Peace

Bullying & Beyond…1.Take Heart!

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Time and the right conditions not only preserve but bring about something of beauty – Marie Clancy.

 

I’m not a professionally qualified counsellor or expert on bullying but I am a mother who has gained knowledge and experienced of bullying through the lives of our two children.

I have as part of my Degree in Adult Education studied the Psychology of Adult Education and Counselling in Adult Education and found both of these extremely helpful in understanding and coping with the situation we found ourselves in.

Our journey through bullying and its after effects spanned two decades (2002 to 2018) and as a result I’d like to offer my support to other parents who struggle with the impact of bullying on their children.

In these posts I’ll try to share some insights we’ve gained. My first…

1.  TAKE HEART.

If your child is suffering the effects of bullying and if it is having a negative impact on every member of your family, try to remain calm and show a capable front.  I know how upset you feel.  I know that the last thing you can comprehend is that it will all work out just fine.  But trust me… with determination to support your child, and by practicing self-care, you will reach a place of peace and progression!

I know because we were there and now we’ve reached that place of peace and progression and learned a lot as a result.  My son summed up his journey through bullying in a nice quote;  you can read about it here…Bullying…”I am grateful for it all”…

I hope you find this helpful. And I hope to write more on the subject of bullying.

Have you or your children experienced bullying?  Is bullying still an issue for you or have you reached a place of peace and progression? Please feel free to share your experiences, it could help inform other parents, provide comfort or encourage somebody else through the distress of bullying.

Much love,

Marie xx

Flashback Friday… ‘Sin Bin’

Last night I caught myself…not in the nick of time, but certainly in time to reduced my time in the ‘Sin Bin!’  You might wonder whether I am a rugby player but I can confirm that is certainly not the case!

When I say ‘Sin Bin‘ I am referring to being caught up in an upsetting incident or any emotional state where suffering is happening.

Here’s an outline…Last night I made an assumption that ‘somebody’ was going to do something for me to support me.  I expected them to be there for me.

So I was shocked when I didn’t get the support I expected. I got a ‘No’.  And oh boy, my child-self jumped at the chance to act up!  I went silent and I sulked. I gave out a little too. I opted for an early night in bed; to run away from the problem…but as I was preparing for bed thankfully I realised,…I became aware…that I had made an assumption of support. I hadn’t asked in plain English for what I needed.  The fractured communication meant that ‘someone’ was not fully aware of what I needed.  As a result they had made alternative plans.  I realised, that just as I had a right to ask and expect…they had an equal right to say ‘No’ and expect a mature acceptance.

Thankfully by realising; by becoming aware, I got myself out of the ‘Sin Bin‘ after a short period of time. I saved myself a lot of emotional upset and physical pain.  I remember back to a previous post where it took a long time suffering before logic returned. If you wish, read about that learning journey here Wise or otherwise?

I am so grateful that I have grown and learned from that experience. I am grateful to constantly be developing my awareness. I am grateful to be reminded of the importance of clear communication.

Realising that although I am there a lot for ‘someone,’ doesn’t mean they have to be there for me and if I only give of myself expecting a return then that’s not true, unselfish giving.  That is conditional giving…giving on condition of a return!

I hope you found my reflection helpful. I would love to hear your comments or any experience where you grew in awareness.

Much love,

Marie xx

Flashback Friday…”Acceptance”, Love & Time.

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Thank you for joining me for some reflection time!  I hope we come to know each other a little better.

I wrote this post one morning as I really struggled to cope, to accept, to hope…ACCEPTANCE!

When I think back I can still recall how visceral my emotion was that morning.

With no avenues left to follow, we were forced to accept that the situation was outside of our control.  We had to sit back and develop patience.  We tried to listen with love, we spoke with love and we encouraged with love. We learned to trust, to hope and to let go control.  We let go our need to fix, our need for things to be as we thought they should be.

As I stop now and look back, it’s amazing how acceptance, love and time changed things!

Hardly eighteen months on, time has intervened…

With time, he re-tuned his body clock.  He began to re-engage with life.  His motivation to study slowly improved.  He spoke of sitting his exams. We quietly encouraged him to do what he thought was best for him… And it worked!

He took back power over his own life.  He regained his voice; the damage from bullying put behind him.  He decided how he wanted his future to look.  Having reaching his first mid-term of his first year of college we see… that acceptance, love and time... was the key.

It is the only key!

What challenges have really stretched your resilience?  What was the key to overcoming your challenge?

Much love,

Marie xx

Just One Minute Monday…Trust!

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Even the morning sun takes time to reach everything!

 

Just trust that the things you don’t reach on today are not necessarily vital things and that the people you don’t reach on today will understand and continue to appreciate you just as you are.

Much love,

Marie xx

Friday Flashback…Thank you and “Welcome” old friends and new!

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I read and follow quite a few blogs and I find it hard to believe that just two years on from my first post I have penned or typed over 200 posts!

When I started I had just a few visitors and it was such a buzz to have someone add a like or better still a comment!

Now I have a few more visitors and coming to know you has been so interesting. I’ve really enjoyed your company over the past few weeks while I’ve been on sick leave from work. Thankfully I’ve been feeling a little better the past few days and I am hoping to return to work next week.  Your visits while I’ve been at home have helped lift my spirit and your comments have been so encouraging!  To thank you I thought you might like to engage in a little bit of time travel this Friday and maybe if you find it enjoyable you’ll travel back in time with me again next friday.  I thought a link back to a little piece of me before we came to know each other might help us get to know each other a little better!

This week it’s  Welcome to ‘Create Space’

So you might well ask, has my perspective and life changed… Well that’s a big YES!  I’ve come a long way from when I first started blogging. I’ve learned to live in the moment more, I’m enjoying the journey, fitting in some new experiences and I’m definitely less concerned about the destination.  Your comments have widened my perspective and helped me be true to myself.  I’ve finally allowed myself lowered my mask and I’ve learned to let myself just ‘be’.  Thank you all for your wise insights which helped me do just that!

Now what about you? Has the last two years changed your life? Do you value the journey over the destination? Have you stopped to consider if you are further than you think? Please feel free to leave me a comment below and share any thoughts you have. I promise to reply as quickly as I can.

Much love,

Marie xx

An Ode to Shadow-Self…

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Ask yourself,

Go on,

go right ahead and ask yourself,

Where’s the shame behind your hiding games?

Whose to blame for burying the pain?

You’ll find no one to frame,

No one but your Shadow-Self.

 

Now, ask yourself,

Go on,

go right ahead and ask yourself,

Where’s the shame in turning the tables?

In recreating your brighter fable

In refusing to remain; no matter the pain,

Hidden behind your Shadow-Self.

 

Now, remind yourself,

Go on,

go right ahead and remind yourself,

There’s no shame in whatever the game,

be it illness or pain,

Only resilience and strength,

When you step into the light and embrace

Life without the Shadow-Self!

 

Go on…”You are stronger than you’ll ever know.” 💝

Did you ever have a Shadow-Self?  How did you turn the tables on your Shadow-Self? What did stepping into the light feel like?

Much love,

Marie xx

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cultivate your Dreams!

You owe it to yourself to cultivate your dreams. You don’t have to start out big…just begin.

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Small children grow into great adults and similarly if small projects are tended with the same love and kindness, they too grow beyond measure!

Did you cultivate your dreams lately? Have you seen them blossom?  Can you share any tips that worked for you?

Much love,

Marie xx

Just One Minute Monday (4).

Today I’m taking a minute to savor the feeling of warm summer air on my skin.  Have you ever paid attention to what warm air feels like on your skin?

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Shur I have Spain at home!

We are having temperatures that are way higher than average for this time of year. We’ve had some days reach 30 degrees. This is our hottest summer in 100 years. I don’t think I can ever remember wearing summer clothes for so long. This is so out of the ordinary for Ireland. Our summer’s are usually a few days of sunshine mixed with cooler rainy days. A blue sky without rain-clouds is a rare sight! I can’t remember ever feeling our house so warm indoors, from early morning to last thing at night. Our windows and doors are flung open trying to generate a draught. Cooking over a hot cooker is a big no-no! I’ve never eaten so many light, healthy salads. We are eating breakfast and supper outdoors and it’s even too warm to eat dinner outside, we have to eat inside.

The warm air feels so healthy on my bare arms, my freckles are multiplying and I can’t stop looking up at the bright, cloudless blue sky thinking “Shur i have Spain at home!” I feel carefree!

How does warm air and blue skies make you feel?

Much love,

Marie xx

Just One Minute Monday (3).

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Recently while on holiday, I practiced my ‘Just One Minute Monday’ as we walked to the shops for our groceries.  My son and his girlfriend were walking in front of me, the shops were a ten minute walk each way.  The average temperature from 10am to 8pm was 30 degrees.  It wasn’t an easy walk in that heat. I’m not into counting steps and I don’t own a step counter but lots of people exercise now by counting their steps and increasing the number of steps they take daily.

I thought about the amount we walk everyday and particularly the pace we have become accustomed to.

I wondered how often do we actually slow down our steps?  Have you ever even noticed how fast you walk? Do you constantly rush from one task to the next?  Because I was on holiday I paused and focused on my steps.  I slowed down my steps. I noticed the inclines and the declines.

I listened to the sound our steps made.  I felt my heart rate slow its pace.  I felt grateful for those moments, those steps I was able to enjoy in the company of two young adults.

When have you last paid attention to how fast you walk?  Have you ever deliberately focused on your steps?  Maybe today is the day to focus one minute on your footsteps.

Much love,

Marie xx

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