Time and the right conditions not only preserve but bring about something of beauty – Marie Clancy.
Trigger alert…this post is upsetting.
Lives are destroyed by bullying.
Children’s mental, emotional and psychological health damaged not only in the short-term but often into the long-term.
Lives are lost, too often, to bullying. Children unable to cope with the torture inflicted on them by bullies sadly see no way out, other than to take their lives.
I might be writing this from Ireland and this story may refer to Yarraka Bayles, a boy on the other side of the world but the location is irrelevant… bullying is bullying and this is the reality for another child and another family. It is a horrific, upsetting reality.
This bullying is focused on dwarfism. But if it wasn’t about dwarfism it would be about anything else the bully decided they didn’t like about their victim such as their weight or even their accent. Take a few moments to educate yourself and then take a few moments to educate your children… because this is a reality that is totally avoidable and it is a reality no child or parents deserve!
Time and the right conditions not only preserve but bring about something of beauty – Marie Clancy.
The following “Tips for a better internet together” offers some very practical advice which I’d encourage parents and guardians to discuss with their children. These simple tips could make a big difference to someone who is experiencing bullying.
“1. Reach out to someone you know is being bullied. A simple message of support, a like, or a smile can be enough to give hope to someone who feels alone.
2. Include someone you see being isolated. Invite them to sit with you at lunch, include them in a chat, share jokes with them.
3. Make a clear statement that you think bullying is unacceptable and not just another part of growing up. Sharing or liking anti-bullying messages on social networks is a simple way of doing this. You might even go further and create your own.
4. Say ‘No’ or ‘Stop’ when you see someone behaving unfairly. Standing up takes real courage but not doing it is the same as giving your permission for someone to be bullied.
5. Get help from an adult if you think that standing up to a bully might put you at risk of being hurt or becoming the next target. You might not always be able to fix things without putting yourself at risk, but you can always do the right thing – and that means getting help. In fact telling a parent or teacher is usually the moment when the situation stops getting worse and starts being dealt with.
6. Report it. All good schools and clubs have ways for you to report bullying incidents. Find out what they are and use them. You can also click the report abuse button on websites like Facebook and Twitter. They all have to take reports seriously and remember they won’t reveal the identity of the person making the report.
7. Don’t bully back no matter how angry you feel. You should never accept bullying but don’t cross the line and bully the bully. It’s ok to point out that the bullying should stop but it’s not ok to send abusive messages in retaliation. It makes it more difficult to get help from your school. They might even end up punishing you too.”
Time and the right conditions not only preserve but bring about something of beauty – Marie Clancy.
School bullying, particularly cyberbullying is very upsetting. Parents can’t afford to sit back and avoid educating themselves about cyber/online bullying.
A good place to start, is with this simple advice on Dealing with Cyberbullying.
1.DON’T REPLY TO MESSAGES that harass or annoy you. Even though you may really want to, this is exactly what the sender wants. They want to know that they’ve got you worried or upset.
2. KEEP THE MESSAGE You don’t have to read it, but keep it. If you keep getting messages that upset you, you will need to have evidence in order to get help.
3. BLOCK THE SENDER You don’t need to put up with somebody harassing you. Simply click the ‘block’ button.
4. TELL SOMEBODY YOU TRUST Talking to your friends, parents, a teacher you trust, or guidance counsellor is usually the first step in dealing with any issue. If you need to talk to someone straight away please call Childline on 1800 66 66 66.
Have you or your children experenced school bullying or cyberbullying? Is so, how did you deal with it?
Le grà,
Mindfully Marie xx
A resource of the National Centre for Technology in Education – Professional Development Service for Teachers
Time and the right conditions not only preserve but bring about something of beauty – Marie Clancy.
This is a photo of Emma and Doris taken in the run up to Christmas
Doris has grown quite a lot in the past few months…
but so has her amazing mum Emma…
Emma shared her photo to her Instagram account. Emma’s growth from this journey is evident in what she wrote about being relentlessly bullied in school…
If you have experienced school bullying or your children have or are being bullied, don’t despair, there is always hope and because we’ve been there and have grown from our experience, we know you too can find peace and move forward with hope!
Emma was fully present, lost in flow as she created this gingerbread house, a replica of our home and I just love it!
Present…
P… for present, being present, living in this very awesome moment with the conviction that any struggle lived in the moment before, is now dead and gone and any pain in the moment ahead, is but an illusion… R…for reality, creating your unique reality, living your dream, accepting nothing less, appreciating the dreams of others even if they could never be your dream E…for evolving, changing, growing, mindful that to remain static is not an option S…for senses, trusting your senses, feeding them with experiences not possessions, not needing to be anything or anyone but yourself E…for encouraging others, seeing the best in them, challenging them to see their own capabilities N…for nature and nurture, learning from nature, changing like it changes with the seasons, nurturing your soul and noticing your creativity and spirit evolve as a result T…for taking time to practice gratitude, thankful for significant others, thankful for coming to know yourself, thankful for being fully and amazingly present… the best present.
Time and the right conditions not only preserve but bring about something of beauty – Marie Clancy.
In Ireland, the Department of Education & Science, (DES) gives clarification on what constitutes bullying using social media:
‘Placing a once-off offensive or hurtful public message, image or statement on a social network site or other public forum where that message, image or statement can be viewed and/or repeated by other people will be regarded as bullying behaviour’ (DES 2013: 9).
In contrast, one-off incidents of negative behaviour, such as isolated hurtful text messages and private mails, which cannot be viewed or repeated by other people, are not considered to be included under the definition of bullying.
The fact that the internet provides anonymity can have particular consequences
for cyber bullying. Being able to act and communicate anonymously online removes
some of the deterrents that would help prevent children from getting involved. The fear of negative consequences is lessened for the perpetrators and it increases the psychological distance between them and their actions. The perpetrators can therefore refuse to take responsibility for their actions. In most cases, cyber-bullies know their targets, but their targets don’t always know the identity of their cyber-bullies. This can lead to children and young people being suspicious of, and alienated from, all their peers.
The fact that the distinction between bystanders and active participants can be
less distinct in the context of online bullying also makes cyber bullying more difficult to
deal with than traditional offline bullying.
The bystander effect refers to incidents where an individual in need of help is not assisted by an onlooker because the onlooker assumes that someone else will intervene.
Responsibility for bullying often goes beyond the person who creates and posts harmful content online. Sharing, or commenting on content on social networking websites or joining, subscribing or following online sources of content
intended to humiliate or harm individuals can also be considered bullying behaviour.
I hope you found this post helpful and that you feel confident in defining what cyber-bullying is and what cyber-bullying is not.
Time and the right conditions not only preserve but bring about something of beauty – Marie Clancy.
Bullying is divided into six types…
Physical bullying
Verbal bullying
Exclusion
Cyber bullying
Gesture bullying
Extortion bullying
Physical bullying includes pushing, shoving, tripping, pinching, hitting, kicking or any unwanted harm to the victim’s body. Physical bullying can also include having your personal space invaded. It can include behaviour that is deliberately annoying like kicking the chair your child is sitting on, and refusing to stop when told to stop. It could involve damaging your child’s possessions, school bag, or stationery. It can include spitting on your child’s lunch, making sure it is not edible.
Verbal bullying is any name calling or slagging either behind the victim’s back or to their face. It includes vicious gossip or anything said to deliberately undermine the victim’s sense of self. Verbal bullying can be racist or homophobic in nature. Verbal bullying can leave long term emotional and psychological scars.
Exclusion is the deliberate isolation of your child and is a form of relational or emotional bullying which attempts to undermine your child’s social skills and social standing. It is probably the most frustrating form of bullying as your child can try to be physical and hit back or they can try to answer back but you cannot isolate back. This form of bullying can be very damaging to your child’s confidence and self-esteem.
Cyber bullying is the sharing of offensive text or images on a public forum or social media site to humiliate a victim, which can be commented on, liked or re-shared. It need only happen once to be considered cyber bullying. A one off offensive private message does not constitute bullying.
Gesture bullying involves non-verbal communication including facial expressions, hand gestures such as any threatening looks or hand signals meant to frighten and intimidate the victim.
Extortion includes any demands for money or items belonging to the victim. Your child may be forced to hand over their lunch, steal from other students or to steal school property.
Time and the right conditions not only preserve but bring about something of beauty – Marie Clancy.
Have you ever considered what bullying is, and what bullying is not?
In Ireland, the Department of Education’s definition of bullying is “Unwanted negative behaviour, verbal, psychological or physical, conducted by an individual or group against another person (or persons) and which is repeated over time.”
Therefore there are 3 important flags to watch out for in defining behaviour as bullying behaviour, namely…
1. There must be INTENT (DELIBERATE)
2. There must be an IMBALANCE OF POWER
3. It must be REPEATED OVER TIME
However there is an exception in that it is deemed a cyber-bullying offence, if a child is bullied just once, via an open social media platform; where hurtful information or images can be reshared.
I hope you found this post helpful and that you feel confident in defining what bullying is and what bullying is not.
Time and the right conditions not only preserve but bring about something of beauty – Marie Clancy.
I have been writing on the topic of bullying since late last year and I greatly appreciate all the support, encouragement and insightful feedback and comments which I have received to my Bullying & Beyond posts!
In order to access the most up to date information available on bullying and gain some insights and understanding of the Government’s education policy regarding the prevention of bullying, I decided to join a blended learning programme being offered by NABC; the National Anti Bullying Association of Ireland, entitled Bullying Prevention & Intervention Online Course for Teachers. It is a ten week online programme which also includes two face to face sessions in DCU, Dublin City University, St Patrick’s, Drumcondra, in Dublin.
And so, I would like to invite you to share your thoughts with me and in doing so, help me inform my answer to the first question we have been posed…
“What do you think are the greatest challenges teachers face when dealing with bullying behaviours?”
I look forward to your thought provoking responses!
