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Bullying & Beyond…13. Suspicious of bullying?

via Daily Prompt: Suspicious

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If you notice your child avoiding situations,

If you notice your child withdrawing into themselves,

If your child has lost their joviality and are becoming anxious and depressed,

If your child is having emotional outbursts,

If you know your child wants to achieve goals but appears paralysed,

If your child shows perfectionist traits and is clearly disappointed by not living up to the high standards they set themselves, then…

You have every right to be… suspicious of bullying!

We’ve been there and our suspicions were correct…

But don’t despair…Bullying & Beyond…1.Take Heart!

Does this resonate with you? Has your child experienced bullying? Please share your thoughts with me?

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Time and the right conditions not only preserve but bring about something of beauty – Marie Clancy.

Much love,

Mindfully Marie xx

Bullying & Beyond… 10.Painting the pain, part three.

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Time and the right conditions not only preserve but bring about something of beauty – Marie Clancy.

 

As hard as I’ve tried, I can’t paint the pain of bullying experienced by our son because the canvas is blank and will remain blank as our son, kept almost all of the painful details to himself.

What I can paint is what we as parents noticed at home, which included, his frustration shown through nasty comments and angry outbursts. His loss of interest in his hobbies. His withdrawal into himself. His sleep pattern changed dramatically, unable to get to sleep resulting in him sleeping longer into the morning and soon he developed insomnia.   He was awake at night and asleep during the day.   We slowly noticed a real change in his pleasant and warm personality.    All these changes led to self-isolation and school refusal.

We stood by helplessly, watching our warm, outgoing, resilient child slowly disengage from all aspects of his normal functioning life.

This did not happen over-night. Being bullied was something that chipped away at his resilience and eventually over years, wore him down.

Every child, no matter their age, sex, nationality, colour or faith is entitled to attend school, to feel happy and included. They deserve to achieve, to the best of their ability, without the fear of bullying and its devastating effects.

The pain of his upset is still visceral as I recall and share these memories.  It hurts because I realise, yet again, that the sheer frustration and powerlessness we felt came from feeling unheard in a broken system.  This feeling of isolation compounded the impact bullying was having on our family.

Thankfully we have, as a family and individually, empowered ourselves to move forward whilst not diminishing the pain of the past. But instead wanting to put our learning to the service of others.  You might like to read our son’s attitude, Bullying…”I am grateful for it all”…

Have you or your children experienced bullying?  Did it wear down your child’s resilience? Did it render you silent and make you feel powerless?

I would love to hear your experience so that together we can let other families know that they are not alone.

Le grà,

Mindfully Marie xx

Bullying & Beyond…5.Loneliness

 

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Time and the right conditions not only preserve but bring about something of beauty – Marie Clancy.

 

In my previous post I wrote about the importance of self-care when you or your children are struggling to cope with bullying.

If you’d like you can read it here.

It is very important to continue to practice self-care after the event.  As a way of practicing self-care I am looking forward to a family Christmas, spending time with my two children and family members and as a result this will be my last “Bullying & Beyond” post of the year.

Many of you will agree that Christmas can be a wonderful time of year.  Sadly for lots of people it can also be synonymous with loneliness. If you can, reach out in a way you haven’t before, to brighten someone’s day.

Similarly being bullied can cause strong feelings of loneliness and it comes from the isolation of bullying.  Bullying thrives on isolation and fear. Lack of access to information, lack of support and worse still lack of knowing which way to turn or who to ask all serve to enhance the isolation and loneliness you feel!

The loneliness was something I found hardest to cope with as I struggled to find answers and effective support.

But there is help out there.  Don’t allow yourself to be rendered voiceless.

So this Christmas I don’t want you to feel alone, isolated or lonely.  I want YOU to know that I am here for YOU and YOU are not alone…reach out, share your concerns and talk about the bullying you or your child are experiencing.

What has been your experience of the loneliness of bullying?  How would you describe the loneliness of bullying?  How did you overcome it?

Much love,

Marie xx

 

 

Feeling Powerless in the Now…

I’m a big advocate of Positive Psychology, believing in the power of positive thinking and the power of Now.  Kathleen Kerswig LUT – We Are The Reminder’s post is very relevant to my approach and so it got me thinking… check it out here…

https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/72941598/posts/1849688718

The only thing was my positivity was failing me at that present moment!  I just couldn’t buy into it…

You see, at that moment I did not feel the joy that comes with ‘being’ in the present moment. I couldn’t feel the Power of being in the ‘Now’. I was aware that the present wasn’t the present as I wanted it to be…

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I wanted to be full of energy and travel to the seaside. I wanted a family outing, time with my husband and two young adult children, outdoors for our first sunny ‘summer’ day trip after a particularly long winter. I wanted to walk the beach and share a picnic.

But I had to face the fact that I felt powerless to my cf/fibro. I was drained and I hated to admit that as much as I wanted this outing, my body wasn’t willing and I knew I would feel better staying home. I also knew by staying home I wouldn’t suffer the consequences for the next few days of overdoing it.  I felt powerless to the demands of my body so I reluctantly stayed home…

I rested and then I took a short walk. I read some blogs I follow and posted some positive comments, hoping to lift other peoples’ spirits. But I was sad; I wanted to enjoy some family time. I was lonely; knowing I can’t get those moments back especially with my youngest child fast approaching his 20’s.  And I did shed a few bitter tears…But something strange happened and for that I am filled with gratitude!  Strangely by being aware of and accepting my emotions I gained a new perspective…

I learned that I am not powerless, no, not by a long shot!  I learned that my power has just shifted or changed…just as every stage of life brings change.

I learned that I still have power.  I realised that it’s ok to not fully accept my cf/fibro somedays but I am not powerless… I learned to listen to my body. I realised that I had the ability to readjust my plans in a way that didn’t adversely affect others. I may not have wanted the present moment as it was but I learned to adjust it in a way that showed me; my body, the respect that I deserve.  I listened to my body, my emotions and accepted the imperfect as good enough and that’s a serene place to be!  Serenity Sunday…

I hope that you realise how powerful you are today and that you use your power to your best benefit! I look forward to your comments and ask you to please share your experiences of feeling powerless and how you handle them.

Much love,

Marie xx

 

Cavity…an empty space within a solid object.

via Daily Prompt: Cavity

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I went to my monthly writing/poetry, open mic club last Friday night. There were about twenty men and women gathered to share their work, be it short stories or poems or if they wished they could read the work of an author of their choice.

We always have time for a chat before the event and again at the tea break. Everybody seemed upbeat and chirpy despite January being a dull cold month and dismal after the efforts of Christmas.

I was about fifth to read my two short, up-beat memories. But the majority of the stories could have been themed under depression, regrets, greiving for loved ones or upsetting childhoods.

The majority of participants, although they looked solid and presented a brave front, hid their gaping, aching cavity very well until it was their turn to share their stories…when their pain and tears caused rivulets of sorrow in my heart.

So, on Friday night last, I realised how important it is to think long and hard before you think the person next to you has it easy…for in this case they grieved the passing of a mother over twelve months ago, a sister over Christmas, a husband recently lost to suicide, the death of a loyal and faithful dog and a lost childhood…

So, consider the possibilities and above all… be patient and kind!

Much love,

Marie xx

Guest Post…”Obscure Thoughts”

I’d like to share a post, by the very talented up and coming artist, writer and all round amazing young woman who has melted our hearts and occupies an important part of our lives…fellow bloggers…I give you the words of Katie O’R…

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I’m not quite sure why I get the obscure thoughts that invade my mind. I’m unsure of the number of 17 year olds that see the possibility of death in most situations, no forget most, most is too vague, in every. Single. Situation. That I find myself in total vulnerability, an overwhelming sense of no control.. free falling. That word may be deceiving in this particular context. Free is such a ‘feel good’ word where as what I feel is nothing like that. My grip tightens as I clench the straps of my smooth bag. I inhale and exhale reminding myself that I’m not dead yet, I’ve made it this far with only a few scars to show my falls from grace. With my chin tucked into my chest to protect myself from the bitter breeze threatening my bare neck my eyes roll upwards towards the hollow cold can that I and a hundred odd other people are about to trust their very own lives with. My mind wonders into sheer fascination how I am about to willingly get into this monstrous aluminium cylinder. I ground my feet sturdy into the concrete below me. A shudder passes over me and I come to the realisation that this may be my final time on land. That thought alone makes me reconsider my decisions.

 

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