In my previous post I wrote about the importance of self-care, you might like to read it 4.Self-care x 10! When you or your children are struggling to cope with bullying it is very important to continue to practice self-care during and after the event. Being bullied can cause strong feelings of loneliness which come from the isolation of bullying. Bullying thrives on isolation and fear. Lack of access to information, lack of support and worse still lack of knowing which way to turn or who to ask for help all serve to enhance the isolation and loneliness you feel!
The loneliness was something I found hardest to cope with as I struggled to find answers and effective support.
But there is help out there. Don’t allow yourself to be rendered voiceless.
I want YOU to know that I am here for YOU and YOU are not alone…reach out, share your concerns and talk about the bullying you or your child are experiencing.
What has been your experience of the loneliness of bullying? How would you describe the loneliness of bullying? How did you overcome it?
Mich at Michnavs joined the conversation and her insightful comment got me thinking, so I’m breaking with my tradition of waiting to post at the weekend.
This is what Mich said… “Very well said Marie. I am fortunate to have been a teacher and a mother as well..having said that, I got to witness different behaviors and coping mechanisms of kids from different ages…and it’s not easy to spot a problematic or bullied kid…because sometimes they are really good at keeping it cool…but nevertheless I have kept a very mindful heart..”
This was my reply to Mich..
Thank you Mich, I appreciate your encouraging feedback. Thank you also for sharing your thoughts and experience. Bullies are very cunning, manipulative and powerful in their control over their victims, so you are correct in saying it’s not easy to spot a bullied child. Victims have many reasons, (as we’ve seen in my previous post), to become masters of disguise, making it very difficult for teachers of large classes and with ever increasing workloads, to detect a child who is struggling with bullying.
I really like your term a “mindful heart,” it is a good marriage of heart & mind and I envisage it being very Rogerian, (Carl Rogers), encompasing UPR (unconditional positive regard), empathy (being able to step into the victim’s shoes) and congruence (being your true, genuine & real self), all positive, powerful and necessary attributes for teachers, and the core conditions, enabling teachers create effective and theraputic relationships in their classrooms.
These core conditions are the foundation of every successful relationship be it in school, at home or in society.
Today I realise that the Universe has a plan for us all. The reason behind this realisation is because today…
I brought home the beautiful print created for me by Philip Abang. Philip asked to take my words and use them as part of his project. I am so greatful for the beauty he has brought to my words. You can read how it came about here
I’m not good at identifying and setting goals. I’m more a ‘trust the Universe’ and a ‘let it happen’ type of person.The Universe is taking my little steps and reflecting them and more back to me. When I shared my first blog post I couldn’t have imagined that blogging would bring me to a much more positive place. A place where I’ve written over 300 posts some of which are part of a series on bullying and its impact on us as a family, with a focus on recreating a better life beyond bullying.When I started out I never thought about what time and a little blogging could open up to me.Now I know I only have to keep blogging, keep sharing and encouraging… the Universe will bring about the rest.
Your child is or has been bullied at school and you have found an opportunity to talk to them, making a written record of events as you discuss them, without being caught up in frustrating and emotionally upsetting arguments. Now pause to acknowledge the progress you have made, you’ve managed to… 6.Avoid the hook!
You’re now aware and can understand that the changes in behaviour you’ve seen are signs of bullying. Those signs probably included your child;
reducing their academic performance,
refusing to go to school,
lacking motivation, wanting to achieve goals but showing perfectionist traits, then appearing paralysed,
disappointed by not living up to the high standards they set themselves,
withdrawing into themselves,
being stressed, having emotional outbursts,
showing signs of anxiety, depression, OCD or specific phobias,
consuming excess alcohol, or maybe using drugs,
getting into trouble in school,
being charged with social disorder,
or engaging in self-harm
If you are like me,
you probably struggle to know what to do.
You are unsure of where to turn next.
You are probably paralysed like we were.
You probably struggled to even accept the situation.
You wanted to wave a magic wand and fix everything…
If any of the above resonates with you, it is very important that you are pro-active. Do not allow bullying to render you paralysed. Your child might not want you to speak up for fear of making the situation worse or been seen as ‘a grass’ or a ‘cry-baby’. You must be very discreet but you must seek out support to help you stand up and speak up to bullying!
A mentor is someone who educates or offers support and advice and is usually an older person.
Something special happens when you find a good mentor – they don’t just spot your errors and failings and tell you how to improve…
No, a good mentor knows that your thoughts, behaviour, work, class exercise or assignment is your best effort at this moment in time. But they know how to build upon those foundations and help you reach your full potential.
A good mentor has a generous spirit and they enjoy pointing out all the things you are doing right. Their aim is to help you acknowledge your strengths and learn to believe in yourself. They know that along the way you just forgot how to trust in yourself.
When the time is right an experienced mentor knows it’s time to step back. They don’t want you to become dependent on their support. They don’t need your dependency to buffer their self-esteem… No, the very opposite is the case, they enjoy letting you take the driving seat. They know their job is done! They believe in your ability and can see you are ready to step confidently outside your comfort zone and achieve your full potential!
Isn’t parenting, being an employee or a colleague, being a sister, being a cousin, being a friend…being alive and just living your day, just amazing…Isn’t it the best mentor and look at what it can teach you!
P.s. Thanks for taking time out to stop in to visit. Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below.