Search

Create Space

Creating, living, learning.

Tag

Confidence

Just One Minute Monday…Limitless

You can see I’m tiny but it doesn’t stop me…

Do what you can within the boundaries of your limitations… and then do a tiny bit more!

Le grà,

Socks & Marie xx

Bullying & Beyond…22. Beware of Painful Pitfalls

20180708_110930
Time and the right conditions not only preserve but bring about something of beauty – Marie Clancy.

 

With the benefit of experience and hindsight here are 6 warning signs to save you these painful pitfalls

 

1.  If you or your child are offered a solution from a teacher or principal saying, “sometimes you have to learn to stand up for yourself,” remember your child is not the only victim of bullying here, you are too. Don’t take it! It’s not a good enough solution!

2.  If your child is starting to miss days from school and this is totally out of character for them be sure to listen to your intuition. Reflect on it. Seek advice and act on it. You might like to read Bullying & Beyond…17. Stand up, speak up!

3.  If well meaning friends knock your intuition and fail to see your child’s mental health warning signs, please, don’t act on their advice to “drag them out of bed and kick them in the butt, straight into school.” You know your child better than any concerned friend. Your child is unable to voice their upset, they are showing you instead…see the signs!

4.  If a teacher tells you at a parent teacher meeting that “sure we all say things” please read between the lines.  They are not admitting the full truth of what was said and your child is too hurt to tell you. Please don’t hold back, immediately ask what they mean! Remind them that their words have the power to empower your child or the power to destroy your child’s last threads of confidence.

5.  If your child is physically and psychologically assault and if they are offered the ‘wise’ advice by a principal to ‘build a high wall & put it all behind you’. Remember this experience is traumatic!  It has denied your child the right to respect. Demand to see the school’s anti-bullying policy. Look for evidence of their bully free zone where high walls won’t be need.

5.  If a person in authority says teachers will be more sympathetic say “I’d prefer empathy thank you,” children need a school that operates from a place of empathy not sympathy.

6.  And finally, if you are told your child needs to be more resilient…stand your ground, look the advice giver in the eye, thank them for their suggestion but leave them in no doubt that your child has been too resilient for too long in an environment that has no obvious signs of safe boundaries or a bully free zone. And then ask them how resilient they’d be in the same environment!

 

Now you’re taking ownership, using your voice and making progress… to ree-create your life beyond bullying!

Has bullying affected you or your children? What painful pitfalls did you experience? What did you learn from it?

Le grà,

Mindfully Marie xx

http://www.createspaceweb.wordpress.com

http://www.ree-creates.com

Bullying & Beyond…17. Stand up, speak up!

20180708_110930
Time and the right conditions not only preserve but bring about something of beauty – Marie Clancy.

 

 

Your child is or has been bullied at school and you have found an opportunity to talk to them, making a written record of events as you discuss them, without being caught up in frustrating and emotionally upsetting arguments. Now pause to acknowledge the progress you have made, you’ve managed to… 6.Avoid the hook!

You’re now aware and can understand that the changes in behaviour you’ve seen are signs of bullying. Those signs probably included your child;

avoiding situations,
reducing their academic performance,
refusing to go to school,
lacking motivation, wanting to achieve goals but showing perfectionist traits, then appearing paralysed,
disappointed by not living up to the high standards they set themselves,
withdrawing into themselves,
being stressed, having emotional outbursts,
showing signs of anxiety, depression, OCD or specific phobias,
consuming excess alcohol, or maybe using drugs,
getting into trouble in school,
being charged with social disorder,
or engaging in self-harm
then…

If you are like me,
you probably struggle to know what to do.

You are unsure of where to turn next.

You are probably paralysed like we were.

You probably struggled to even accept the situation.

You wanted to wave a magic wand and fix everything…

If any of the above resonates with you, it is very important that you are pro-active. Do not allow bullying to render you paralysed. Your child might not want you to speak up for fear of making the situation worse or been seen as ‘a grass’ or a ‘cry-baby’. You must be very discreet but you must seek out support to help you stand up and speak up to bullying!

In this post I help you list what you can do.  Bullying & Beyond…20 Knowledge is Power!

Have you noticed your child’s behaviour changing? Have you struggled to understand the changes you’ve noticed.  Can you see it from a different perspective now?

Le grà,

Mindfully Marie xx

Flashback Friday… ‘Sin Bin’

Last night I caught myself…not in the nick of time, but certainly in time to reduced my time in the ‘Sin Bin!’  You might wonder whether I am a rugby player but I can confirm that is certainly not the case!

When I say ‘Sin Bin‘ I am referring to being caught up in an upsetting incident or any emotional state where suffering is happening.

Here’s an outline…Last night I made an assumption that ‘somebody’ was going to do something for me to support me.  I expected them to be there for me.

So I was shocked when I didn’t get the support I expected. I got a ‘No’.  And oh boy, my child-self jumped at the chance to act up!  I went silent and I sulked. I gave out a little too. I opted for an early night in bed; to run away from the problem…but as I was preparing for bed thankfully I realised,…I became aware…that I had made an assumption of support. I hadn’t asked in plain English for what I needed.  The fractured communication meant that ‘someone’ was not fully aware of what I needed.  As a result they had made alternative plans.  I realised, that just as I had a right to ask and expect…they had an equal right to say ‘No’ and expect a mature acceptance.

Thankfully by realising; by becoming aware, I got myself out of the ‘Sin Bin‘ after a short period of time. I saved myself a lot of emotional upset and physical pain.  I remember back to a previous post where it took a long time suffering before logic returned. If you wish, read about that learning journey here Wise or otherwise?

I am so grateful that I have grown and learned from that experience. I am grateful to constantly be developing my awareness. I am grateful to be reminded of the importance of clear communication.

Realising that although I am there a lot for ‘someone,’ doesn’t mean they have to be there for me and if I only give of myself expecting a return then that’s not true, unselfish giving.  That is conditional giving…giving on condition of a return!

I hope you found my reflection helpful. I would love to hear your comments or any experience where you grew in awareness.

Much love,

Marie xx

Just One Minute Monday… Child-self!

20180907_154108
Your Child-self helped create your present picture, how you choose to fill the shelf now is up to a very capable you!

Consider your inner child… your child-self that has got you to where you are today, through the good and the bad!

It’s time to show your child-self the love and appreciation they deserve.  Shower them with an abundance of love at every opportunity. Listen to them when they are sad or angry, they have an important message they want you to hear.  Be gentle and kind in how you talk to and treat yourself… this impacts your child-self.  Encourage your child-self to relax, to make time for fun and leave their worries about your future in your capable adult hands.

Now just sit back, be patient and watch yourself flourish!

Much love,

Marie xx

Just One Minute Monday…Trust!

20181016_082709
Even the morning sun takes time to reach everything!

 

Just trust that the things you don’t reach on today are not necessarily vital things and that the people you don’t reach on today will understand and continue to appreciate you just as you are.

Much love,

Marie xx

Just One Minute Monday (6).

20181029_113520
Just look at how resilient you are, holding strong to the very last.   But don’t be afraid to let go…  Letting go also takes strength!

Much love,

Marie xx

My wish for you today…

20161101_123947

My wish for you today… is that you, like me, find the greatest adventures in the simple things, like having a car picnic or watching the wind scattering leaves like confetti, across your lawn!

20161029_144412

In what simple things do you find the greatest adventure?

Much love,

Marie xx

Blogging, Belonging & Becoming…

It’s hard to believe it’s been almost two years since I wrote and tentatively shared my first post about a conversation with a rather unique taxi driver.  If you have a chance please read it here… Attitude & Altitude

That post set me up as a ‘Blogger’ and after taking part in my first Adlerian Psychology Summer School Workshop, I wrote about having “Confidence” and if you’d like to learn a little more, you’ll find it here…Confidence

20170709_152802
CRUCIAL C’s…..”Sometimes the answers to our problems are there all along…we just have to try and look at them from a different angle!” Marie Clancy.

Well, now fast forward almost two years and I’m still here scribbling my thoughts, sharing my feelings and finding answers.

I’ve also taken part in two more Adlerian Summer School Workshops with the ANI (Adlerian Network of Ireland), read about their work here… ANI Clonmel, Ireland and I can without doubt say that together with all the roles any woman juggles on a daily basis, the combination of those and connecting with others through Adlerian Psychology, WordPress Blogging and my work as an Adult Education Tutor have changed my perspective to one of positivity and gratitude and have helped me flourish.

So, I can hardly believe it when, what was merely a dream of mine when I first heard of it last summer, is now about to transpire!…

I have the opportunity to travel to Bonn, in Germany to take part in my first ever ICASSI programme next week.  I am beyond delighted and still slightly in disbelief to have been successful in my application for an Erasmus, (a culture & character building programme) through my employer Tipperary Education & Training Board! Information on TETB here… TETB

ICASSI  is the International Conference of Adlerian Summer Schools and Institutes and is the umbrella body of all Adlerian Networks around the world.  To say I am excited would be a gross understatement!! 😃🎁!

Actually if I am honest, I am both excited and nervous about this week long trip of personal & professional training programmes.  I am travelling solo, not knowing of anyone else travelling from Ireland.  When I get there I don’t expect to know anybody either, bar one of the Psychologists (who all give of their time voluntarily to deliver the workshops), namely Karen John, learn about Karen here… Karen John

Karen was my first mentor at my first workshop and she helped me gain new insights which have changed how I belong and become in this world!

My health has been troublesome since Easter but I am hoping the now daily ventricular ectopics and arrhythmia behave themselves until I return home, when I have a Consultant’s review arranged.  I’m also very aware of the need for self-care to pro-actively manage my fibro/fatigue by having regular mindful moments (similar to my Just One minute Monday posts) and using my 3 P’s of Pacing, Prioritising and Planning.  Or maybe I should change that to 4 P’s and truthfully add Procrastinating!

And so, as I go about my one day today and in a week’s time head away to Bonn I know I have all I need to flourish and thrive in Adler’s Crucial C’s and if you’d like, you can read about them here…Crucial C’s

So time and energy permitting I hope to post some updates along the way!  If you have time please feel free to share your thoughts, I’d love your company! If you know of anybody attending please pass this on to them as I hope to get to know some really nice people.

Much love,

Marie  xx

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑