Search

Create Space

Creating, living, learning.

Tag

Confidence

Flashback Friday… ‘Sin Bin’

Last night I caught myself…not in the nick of time, but certainly in time to reduced my time in the ‘Sin Bin!’  You might wonder whether I am a rugby player but I can confirm that is certainly not the case!

When I say ‘Sin Bin‘ I am referring to being caught up in an upsetting incident or any emotional state where suffering is happening.

Here’s an outline…Last night I made an assumption that ‘somebody’ was going to do something for me to support me.  I expected them to be there for me.

So I was shocked when I didn’t get the support I expected. I got a ‘No’.  And oh boy, my child-self jumped at the chance to act up!  I went silent and I sulked. I gave out a little too. I opted for an early night in bed; to run away from the problem…but as I was preparing for bed thankfully I realised,…I became aware…that I had made an assumption of support. I hadn’t asked in plain English for what I needed.  The fractured communication meant that ‘someone’ was not fully aware of what I needed.  As a result they had made alternative plans.  I realised, that just as I had a right to ask and expect…they had an equal right to say ‘No’ and expect a mature acceptance.

Thankfully by realising; by becoming aware, I got myself out of the ‘Sin Bin‘ after a short period of time. I saved myself a lot of emotional upset and physical pain.  I remember back to a previous post where it took a long time suffering before logic returned. If you wish, read about that learning journey here Wise or otherwise?

I am so grateful that I have grown and learned from that experience. I am grateful to constantly be developing my awareness. I am grateful to be reminded of the importance of clear communication.

Realising that although I am there a lot for ‘someone,’ doesn’t mean they have to be there for me and if I only give of myself expecting a return then that’s not true, unselfish giving.  That is conditional giving…giving on condition of a return!

I hope you found my reflection helpful. I would love to hear your comments or any experience where you grew in awareness.

Much love,

Marie xx

Just One Minute Monday… Child-self!

20180907_154108
Your Child-self helped create your present picture, how you choose to fill the shelf now is up to a very capable you!

Consider your inner child… your child-self that has got you to where you are today, through the good and the bad!

It’s time to show your child-self the love and appreciation they deserve.  Shower them with an abundance of love at every opportunity. Listen to them when they are sad or angry, they have an important message they want you to hear.  Be gentle and kind in how you talk to and treat yourself… this impacts your child-self.  Encourage your child-self to relax, to make time for fun and leave their worries about your future in your capable adult hands.

Now just sit back, be patient and watch yourself flourish!

Much love,

Marie xx

Just One Minute Monday…Trust!

20181016_082709
Even the morning sun takes time to reach everything!

 

Just trust that the things you don’t reach on today are not necessarily vital things and that the people you don’t reach on today will understand and continue to appreciate you just as you are.

Much love,

Marie xx

Just One Minute Monday (6).

20181029_113520
Just look at how resilient you are, holding strong to the very last.   But don’t be afraid to let go…  Letting go also takes strength!

Much love,

Marie xx

My wish for you today…

20161101_123947

My wish for you today… is that you, like me, find the greatest adventures in the simple things, like having a car picnic or watching the wind scattering leaves like confetti, across your lawn!

20161029_144412

In what simple things do you find the greatest adventure?

Much love,

Marie xx

Blogging, Belonging & Becoming…

It’s hard to believe it’s been almost two years since I wrote and tentatively shared my first post about a conversation with a rather unique taxi driver.  If you have a chance please read it here… Attitude & Altitude

That post set me up as a ‘Blogger’ and after taking part in my first Adlerian Psychology Summer School Workshop, I wrote about having “Confidence” and if you’d like to learn a little more, you’ll find it here…Confidence

20170709_152802
CRUCIAL C’s…..”Sometimes the answers to our problems are there all along…we just have to try and look at them from a different angle!” Marie Clancy.

Well, now fast forward almost two years and I’m still here scribbling my thoughts, sharing my feelings and finding answers.

I’ve also taken part in two more Adlerian Summer School Workshops with the ANI (Adlerian Network of Ireland), read about their work here… ANI Clonmel, Ireland and I can without doubt say that together with all the roles any woman juggles on a daily basis, the combination of those and connecting with others through Adlerian Psychology, WordPress Blogging and my work as an Adult Education Tutor have changed my perspective to one of positivity and gratitude and have helped me flourish.

So, I can hardly believe it when, what was merely a dream of mine when I first heard of it last summer, is now about to transpire!…

I have the opportunity to travel to Bonn, in Germany to take part in my first ever ICASSI programme next week.  I am beyond delighted and still slightly in disbelief to have been successful in my application for an Erasmus, (a culture & character building programme) through my employer Tipperary Education & Training Board! Information on TETB here… TETB

ICASSI  is the International Conference of Adlerian Summer Schools and Institutes and is the umbrella body of all Adlerian Networks around the world.  To say I am excited would be a gross understatement!! 😃🎁!

Actually if I am honest, I am both excited and nervous about this week long trip of personal & professional training programmes.  I am travelling solo, not knowing of anyone else travelling from Ireland.  When I get there I don’t expect to know anybody either, bar one of the Psychologists (who all give of their time voluntarily to deliver the workshops), namely Karen John, learn about Karen here… Karen John

Karen was my first mentor at my first workshop and she helped me gain new insights which have changed how I belong and become in this world!

My health has been troublesome since Easter but I am hoping the now daily ventricular ectopics and arrhythmia behave themselves until I return home, when I have a Consultant’s review arranged.  I’m also very aware of the need for self-care to pro-actively manage my fibro/fatigue by having regular mindful moments (similar to my Just One minute Monday posts) and using my 3 P’s of Pacing, Prioritising and Planning.  Or maybe I should change that to 4 P’s and truthfully add Procrastinating!

And so, as I go about my one day today and in a week’s time head away to Bonn I know I have all I need to flourish and thrive in Adler’s Crucial C’s and if you’d like, you can read about them here…Crucial C’s

So time and energy permitting I hope to post some updates along the way!  If you have time please feel free to share your thoughts, I’d love your company! If you know of anybody attending please pass this on to them as I hope to get to know some really nice people.

Much love,

Marie  xx

Bullying…”I am grateful for it all”…

My son is less than a month away from his exam results and in expectation of enough points for his chosen 3rd level programme, we completed the application form for his accommodation together last night.

20180625_000850

We discussed choices of accommodation.  We considered the different fees and charges and their due dates. As we worked down through the application form, I was surprised when he stopped and turned to me saying he was “excited!”.

You see, excited was not a word in his vocabulary for a long time. His happiness and excitement were taken from him by bullying.
His journey through primary and 2nd level education has been a very difficult time for him. To be honest it has been one of life’s greatest challenges for all of us, individually and as a family.

But when he turned to me last night and referring to it all, calmly said, “I am grateful for it all” then I knew that the upset, frustration, isolation, insomnia and every other barrier we faced was for a reason. It was all needed in order to bring him and us to the happy place we have reached today.

So, I’m sure you can imagine how great it was to hear him voice his excitement! I told him I was excited for him too and for the future he has ahead of him!

But I knew what he meant; he has learned a lot, we have all learned a lot thanks to the painful lessons of bullying.  We know that his bullies’ words and actions slowly wore down his resilience.   We now know that his happiness and excitement wasn’t taken from him by bullies. Instead, he thought he was powerless. He allowed his happiness and excitement to be taken by those bullies, we did too, we gave them power over us by letting their behaviour affect us.  We didn’t engage in self-care or nurture ourselves enough.

20180717_102404

But not anymore! Now we know how to listen to our feelings.  We can identify signs of stress. We can see those bullies for who they are!  We know their back-story and we’d take our story over their story any day!

We can move forward now from a place of confidence and hope. And we can also with conviction say these painful lessons were indeed the greatest teacher!

Much love,

Marie xx

P.s Isolation is one of the most difficult aspects of bullying, if this post resonates with you please share your thoughts in the comments below.

 

 

Encouragement when Blogging…”Writing on the air”!

Do you struggle sometimes looking for inspiration for your blog?  I know I certainly do, particularly when I’m tired.

You may have heard fibromyalgia being called the ‘holiday illness,’ a very cruel characteristic of fibro/chronic fatigue that, when you ease down from any continuous activity, you then realise you have over-done it. In my case it’s when I’m let go/laid off from my paid contracted Adult Education/Adult Literacy employment.  My body crumbles into an exhausted and sometimes lonely mess; if I let it…

When I’m totally drained, having used every tool available to me to manage my fibro/fatigue, such as positivity, pacing and prioritising, I find writing or indeed achieving anything, including socialising is next to impossible but I choose to believe that there is always light in the darkness if you look for it!

20180625_063852
Don’t focus your attention on the darkness, look instead for the light!

 

So I take encouragement from the words of Pat Schneider in her excellent book ‘Writing Alone and with others.’

She reminds me that…

P.13 “…we will create powerful writing out of the stuff of memory…”

And she tells me…

P.15 ‘…every time you came home from a hard day at school or work and said to someone in your family, “You know what happened to me today?”  and told the story – the writer in you was practising using suspense, character, dialogue, metaphor, simile, plot, denouement. All your life, you have been writing on the air, and that has built craft and confidence and voice.  It is all there, ready and waiting for you.’

So, I say don’t struggle with tiredness, loneliness or with writing…just reach out in person or via social media, keep sharing your day, keep on “writing on the air.”

So, what do you think? Please join in the discussion below and share what encourages you! Thanks for visiting, your company is another source of encouragement for me!

Much love,

Marie xx

 

Keep trying… Disconnect…reconnect Sunday.

I find it hard to believe that it’s been three months since I published this post,

Disconnect…reconnect Sunday

In that post I tried to set myself a goal of taking time away from technology on Sundays.  I have to admit that it hasn’t been easy!  I’ve had some successful Sundays and some not so successful ones!  But that’s ok because in my world, it’s about the sustained effort, not the outcome.  I keep trying and that’s the main thing!

I’m popping my phone aside again today and I’m going to make rhubarb and apple tart for my extended family.

Then I’m off to The Clancy Festival, read a little about it here https://clancybrothersfestival.com/

I’m going to connect face to face, in real-time, with like-minded writers and artists in

Art with Voices, check it out here,
https://clancybrothersfestivalarttrail.wordpress.com/installations/art-with-voices/

Don’t worry, I’ll fill you in…

Ps…the tarts are made (vegan & non-vegan).

Much love,

Marie xx

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑