Quote No.39 from Encourage Yourself Encourage Others by Anne Devine.
The behaviour I find difficult is feeling ignored. Thankfully with each day that passes I am learning that I don’t need to feel ignored, I no longer want that feeling and I’m getting better at letting that feeling go.
I’ve also learned that when you learn how to find yourself you no longer feel isolated or lonely any more. You realise you have a unique voice and you feel empowered to use it.
Anne reminds us that “Nobody likes to be… talked about behind their backs.” Try today to catch yourself in the act of gossip. It is not a nice personality trait to have and observing this habit in yourself, is the first step to changing it. “Keep kindness to yourself and others high on your priority list.”
Here Mich of michnavs shines a light on gossip culture in the Philippines. A worthwhile read…
Quote No.52 from Encourage Yourself Encourage Others by Anne Devine.
What have you done during Lockdown that’s been new to you?
I’ve taken part in a Zoom poetry club and a Zoom Cafe Adler. They were fun and they gave me the opportunity for some new learning. I enjoyed the sense of community and it helped replace the social interaction I’ve been missing! I’ve also been busy sharing and enjoying these positive quotes and the lovely interactions they are creating for me!
Please share something you’ve never done before, something new and different that you’ve been doing!
Mindfully Marie xx
(Enquiries to firstname.lastname@example.org)
To all who struggle with this pandemic or any chronic illness, this is for you, just know you are never alone, you are in the best of company…
It crumbles like sand
Overcome by a wave
Stealing your inspiration
Or your power to investigate.
Physical tasks must be trimmed
Right down to the quick,
Mental tasks tease,
Like a shadows in the sun
Now you see me…
now I’m gone!
So quickly it fades,
From functioning… To falter,
What felt like a good day or good hour,
consumed and usurped,
Leaving you literally stranded in the midst of stuff!
It dehydrates your thoughts,
It punctures and deflates,
She has you caught
Laughs and knows she’s fine,
while she has you there,
Then leaves you short
Refusing to repay the debt.
So does it defeat you
Steal from you and
Rob you blind?
Or can you befriend it?
Mould and adjust it?
Even a little at a time?
Well, those are questions you pose
And repose, numerous times each day,
As you show up to a
Battle that could go either way!
And is there an answer
To this piece of arithmetic?
Is there is vacination
That can do the trick?
Well the answer is as fickle
As the ego, when it’s in full play
And it defies all logic
On any given day!
Sadly it’s more complex,
As it’s catching in your breath
And the answers
at best, are really hit and miss!
Some discovered and uncovered
Are a chumley mix of tricks
Pause… and take a moment, to simply catch your breath…
And with dire warning…
Never, ever, use the words…
“Rest,” my Da would say…
“Hold your horses, sweet Marie”
Now I recall his kindness
and cherish his request
I dismount & recoup
Heeding his bequest!
Then like a flame rekindling,
Though; not as quickly as it faded
With a streak of determination
You saddle up again…
A dawn of inspiration seeps in slowly, like the morning sun
And brings with it a power, to investigate anon and
With a steely determination
So worn and battle weary,
You acknowledge your, position or condition
And face the day quite cheery!
And with the wisdom of any moment, being yet again undone
You accept what you can
And leave the rest…
To all who struggle with this pandemic or any chronic illness, this is for you, just know you are not alone, we are in the best of company!
I have been writing on the topic of bullying since late last year and I greatly appreciate all the support, encouragement and insightful feedback and comments which I have received to my Bullying & Beyond posts!
In order to access the most up to date information available on bullying and gain some insights and understanding of the Government’s education policy regarding the prevention of bullying, I decided to join a blended learning programme being offered by NABC; the National Anti Bullying Association of Ireland, entitled Bullying Prevention & Intervention Online Course for Teachers. It is a ten week online programme which also includes two face to face sessions in DCU, Dublin City University, St Patrick’s, Drumcondra, in Dublin.
And so, I would like to invite you to share your thoughts with me and in doing so, help me inform my answer to the first question we have been posed…
“What do you think are the greatest challenges teachers face when dealing with bullying behaviours?”
I look forward to your thought provoking responses!
Inverted means to turn (something) upside down
Or to change the position, order, or relationship of things so that they are the opposite of what they had been.
When you live with something challenging like bullying for long enough and see the destructive effect it has on you and your family, you need to realise that you have two choices, namely
1. stay trapped within the challenge, trying to escape, or
2. find the gift within the challenge and grow it!
When all else failed us as parents, and we could find no solution to the destructive effects bullying had on our children, we stopped trying to find the solutions we wanted to find.
We didn’t admit defeat but we accepted that this was where we were, nothing more, nothing less. We took our focus off all that had gone wrong. We shifted our lens to focus on building our resilience. We stepped back, paused and regrouped. Then we hit back with the most powerful weapon of all… love.
We opened ourselves up, to just love. We didn’t hold out expectations. We didn’t compare. We didn’t complain that life was unfair. We refocused instead on every positive we could find. We spoke from a place of positivity and within a short space of time we began to notice change!
And now, a mere 12 months later, our son has completed his first year in college and has spent his summer touring a number of European countries. Our daughter is pushing forward with her campaign to have Psychiatric Service Dogs recognised in Ireland and is in the process of training Ireland’s first every Psychiatric Service Dog, Doris. I’ve experienced, for myself, how cathartic (healing) writing and sharing is, especially when it is done within a safe and creative space, surrounded by a supportive community who identify with my posts and offer positive and affirming feedback. Because of this support I’ve written over thirty posts on the topic of bullying.
However, living with fibromyalgia/CFS means I have to constantly prioritise my time and energy. I don’t commit time to taking part in awards but I am always pleased to be nominated for an award and I am grateful to Terri for her thoughtful introduction which I’d like to share with you…
“Marie from Create Space.
Marie shares her family’s story of bullying, and the devastating effects it has on the mental health of those affected. Although the subject matter has the potential to be weighty and heartbreaking, Marie balances this by sharing how one can rise above the effects of bullying and make a difference in the world.”
So, when you face your next challenge, what will you choose?
Will you choose to…
1. remain devastated, weighed down and heartbroken, or will you turn the challenge you face on its head, inverted and
2. rise above your challenge to make a difference in the world!
The choice is yours!
Thank you to all who continue to follow, read and share their feelings, thoughts and comments on my bullying posts. I would not have reached this point without you!
Time and the right conditions not only preserve but bring about something of beauty – Marie Clancy.
“It is rare that children with good confidence and self esteem will be the victim of bullying”…so a recent article stated,
Rare…means seldom occurring.
I say beware the word ‘rare‘ which can lull you into a false sense of security…
Rare still happens to someone!
Have you ever stopped to consider how rare is rare?
Consider this… If your children were functioning to the peak of their individual ability at home, in school, and in community life until they were bullied, over an extended period of time, would that tip them into the ‘rare‘ category?
Or would reporting the bullying but being told ‘stand up for yourself,’ ‘build a wall and put it behind you’ or “he needs to be more resilient” be the tipping point into that “rare” category?
Having good confidence and self esteem might make you more effective at dealing with bullying, but if bullying is experienced on an on-going basis, and if it is left unsupported over a long period, it is the DURATION of bullying that, in my experience, overwhelms the victim’s confidence and self esteem and determines the impact of bullying, both short and long term.
The only solution to bullying, is rapid and easyaccess to support and that support must be informed, professional and cohesive. Anything less is unacceptable! You might find some information & support in this post…Bullying & Beyond…20 Knowledge is Power!
What do you think? Please join in this conversation and help others find the support they need, now, and not when it is too late.
You can’t beat the sight or sound of a wave, or many waves to wash over you and sooth your spirit. A friendly wave from across the street or from a friend as they drive past also lifts my spirit. Top it off with a hug and you’re onto a winner.
Do waves and hugs improve your day?
Inspired by Calmkate’s Friday Fun – Waves @ aroused blog
Mich at Michnavs joined the conversation and her insightful comment got me thinking, so I’m breaking with my tradition of waiting to post at the weekend.
This is what Mich said… “Very well said Marie. I am fortunate to have been a teacher and a mother as well..having said that, I got to witness different behaviors and coping mechanisms of kids from different ages…and it’s not easy to spot a problematic or bullied kid…because sometimes they are really good at keeping it cool…but nevertheless I have kept a very mindful heart..”
This was my reply to Mich..
Thank you Mich, I appreciate your encouraging feedback. Thank you also for sharing your thoughts and experience. Bullies are very cunning, manipulative and powerful in their control over their victims, so you are correct in saying it’s not easy to spot a bullied child. Victims have many reasons, (as we’ve seen in my previous post), to become masters of disguise, making it very difficult for teachers of large classes and with ever increasing workloads, to detect a child who is struggling with bullying.
I really like your term a “mindful heart,” it is a good marriage of heart & mind and I envisage it being very Rogerian, (Carl Rogers), encompasing UPR (unconditional positive regard), empathy (being able to step into the victim’s shoes) and congruence (being your true, genuine & real self), all positive, powerful and necessary attributes for teachers, and the core conditions, enabling teachers create effective and theraputic relationships in their classrooms.
These core conditions are the foundation of every successful relationship be it in school, at home or in society.