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Bullying & Beyond…6.Avoid the hook!

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Time and the right conditions not only preserve but bring about something of beauty – Marie Clancy.

This post has been updated with a therapist’s viewpoint…

Your son or daughter arrives home from school, you know by their mood and verbal and non-verbal behaviour that they are upset.  Maybe you notice they are avoiding you, they resist talking to you about their day or they might even tell you lies, pretending there is nothing wrong.

You might witness their mood deteriorating further and that might include them turning their frustration on you by shouting, blaming and generally behaving disrespectfully.

You are likely at this point to notice your temper rising and your patience being tested. This is the crucial moment…try to avoid the hook, try to resist being sucked into the argument.  Getting caught up in a two way shouting match serves no purpose!

Try to be mindful that this behaviour is your son or daughter’s way of coping with the upset they are feeling as a result of being bullied.

They are trying to cope by literally tossing some of their upset off themselves and onto you.  The very best thing that you can do is avoid becoming emotional.

Instead, calmly and patiently see if you can get to the root of the problem.  What is the underlying issue?  If the emotional outburst continues, again, calmly but firmly inform your child that you refuse to deal with them and set a time to talk later, when they have calmed down.  Then walk away, leave the environment.

Importantly, now is a good time to think of self-care (you might like to read my previous post Here)

Once you have practiced some self-care you will be feeling much calmer and in a better place to help your child.

It is vitally important that at the appointed time or when your child has calmed down that you follow up with them and try to ascertain the difficulty they are having.  If you do, you are showing them that their issue is of concern to you. You are also building trust.

UPDATE…

I would like to thank Jennifer @ Tea With Jennifer for this insight which she kindly gave me permission to share with you.

“From a therapist’s viewpoint the behavior of the child is a form of communication, communicating that they are in crisis & can’t verbalize it correctly.

So they start acting out subconsciously, thus bringing attention to the crisis within them. Fear often manifests itself as anger in many especially males.

Blessings,

Jennifer”

https://teawithjennifer.blog

Have you ever experienced a situation similar to the above?  What happened during it? How did you handle it? Please share, I’d love to hear your experience.

Much love,

Marie xx

A time for “Joy!”

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My Angel of joy!

 

Christmas has been family orientated, restful and restorative.  Today I want to wish you a very happy New Year and share my word for the new year ahead.

The word I want to focus on is JOY.  I want to continue what was my new focus on GRATITUDE over the last twelve months and develop it into GRATITUDE that highlights the JOY in my life!

I want to find JOY in the ordinary.  I want to find joy when I wake up every morning to help me shift the NAT (negative automatic thought) that always tells me I’m exhausted despite what should have been adequate sleep.  I want to find JOY at every opportunity, no matter how my body feels and I want to do my best to bring that feeling of JOY into the lives of those around me!

Here is some of the JOY that I found already today…

A lie on in bed, reading blogs, reading and replying to amazing comments, a lazy breakfast with no eye on the time and surrounded by family, an unexpected hug of appreciation and writing this post to share with you!

What brought JOY into your day? How did you share it with others?

What is your word for the new year?

Much love,

Marie xx

New Years Resolutions — Valentino Therapy

There are 168 hours in a week. 40 or so for work. 56 for sleep. 72 left over. And you really can’t find 3-4 hours a week to exercise? 1 hour to make healthy foods and drink? 1/2 hour a week to focus on gratitude? Focus on what’s important this new year. Visit the […]

via New Years Resolutions — Valentino Therapy

A surefire recipe for success…

 

A wish from me to you!

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This Christmas “… I wish you joy and happiness

But above all this I wish you love”

(Whitney Houston)

Thank you to all my wonderful blogging family for your company over the past twelve months.  I’ve got to know so many amazing friends!  I’ve really enjoyed your comments and I can’t say loud enough, how much I appreciate your encouragement and engaging conversations!

“I Will Always Love You”

No.1 in December, 1992.

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(originally by Dolly Parton)

(from “The Bodyguard” soundtrack)

 

If I should stay

I would only be in your way

So I’ll go but I know

I’ll think of you every step of the way

 

And I… will always love you, ooh

Will always love you

You

My darling, you…

Mmm-mm

 

Bittersweet memories –

That is all I’m taking with me.

So good-bye.

Please don’t cry:

We both know I’m not what you, you need

 

And I… will always love you

I… will always love you

You, ooh

 

[Instrumental / Sax solo]

 

I hope life treats you kind

And I hope you have all you’ve dreamed of

And I wish you joy and happiness

But above all this I wish you love

 

And I… will always love you

I will always love you

I will always love you

I will always love you

 

I will always love you

I, I will always love you.

 

You.

Darling, I love you.

I’ll always…

I’ll always love you.

Ooh

Ooh

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/whitneyhouston/iwillalwaysloveyou.html

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://m.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3D3JWTaaS7LdU&ved=2ahUKEwibjPvxq7TfAhWBQRUIHfBvD9sQ3ywwAXoECA8QEA&usg=AOvVaw12kpDbZ26jz-LiItl5sUZW

 

 

 

Bullying & Beyond…5.Loneliness

 

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Time and the right conditions not only preserve but bring about something of beauty – Marie Clancy.

 

In my previous post I wrote about the importance of self-care when you or your children are struggling to cope with bullying.

If you’d like you can read it here.

It is very important to continue to practice self-care after the event.  As a way of practicing self-care I am looking forward to a family Christmas, spending time with my two children and family members and as a result this will be my last “Bullying & Beyond” post of the year.

Many of you will agree that Christmas can be a wonderful time of year.  Sadly for lots of people it can also be synonymous with loneliness. If you can, reach out in a way you haven’t before, to brighten someone’s day.

Similarly being bullied can cause strong feelings of loneliness and it comes from the isolation of bullying.  Bullying thrives on isolation and fear. Lack of access to information, lack of support and worse still lack of knowing which way to turn or who to ask all serve to enhance the isolation and loneliness you feel!

The loneliness was something I found hardest to cope with as I struggled to find answers and effective support.

But there is help out there.  Don’t allow yourself to be rendered voiceless.

So this Christmas I don’t want you to feel alone, isolated or lonely.  I want YOU to know that I am here for YOU and YOU are not alone…reach out, share your concerns and talk about the bullying you or your child are experiencing.

What has been your experience of the loneliness of bullying?  How would you describe the loneliness of bullying?  How did you overcome it?

Much love,

Marie xx

 

 

Free Promos Part 3–The Quest for Rank — Cathleen Townsend

Ah…the dream. The captivating thought that you’ll click onto your book listing and discover that you’ve penned a book that shot up to number one. But as time goes on, you discover increments. Maybe not number one in the whole store, but at least #1 in a category. Something to let you know that publishing […]

via Free Promos Part 3–The Quest for Rank — Cathleen Townsend

A great example of determination and motivation with plenty of advice and positivity!

Bullying & Beyond…4.Self-care x 10!

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Time and the right conditions not only preserve but bring about something of beauty – Marie Clancy.

In my previous post on bullying I shared some listening tips I found helpful  Read it here

Another important aspect of listening, when bullying is an issue for you or your children, is listening to what your own body is telling you.

When you are stressed you might notice that you behave in ways that are out of character? Examples could include cancelling a day out with a friend, missing time at work or increasing your consumption of food or drink, as a source of comfort.  You might realise you feel anxious and ready to snap at those around you.  If this sounds very familiar then Self-care is the answer.

There is a well known saying… “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.”   No matter how tough we think we are, any on-going, distressing situation can wear down our resilience and make us want to run as far away as possible from the upset.  I’ve been there, many times, when I felt helpless to improve the situation for both our children.  I felt totally stressed and unable to concentrate on other aspects of my life.

Thankfully I realised the importance of self-care.  I realised I could not be a source of support to others if I did not look after my own health and welfare first.

To be your best self and function at peak capability, particularly at a time of crisis, YOU need to make time and space for YOU.  

I can’t emphasise enough, the importance of that last sentence!  Self-care might initially involve some professional counselling support for you or your child.  Finding a Counsellor or Psychologist experienced in the area of bullying, and building a positive relationship based on trust, will be the corner-stone to making progress.

Another important part of self-care is finding ways to forget your worries. Part of the reason why I developed this blog and called it “Create Space” was to “create” some “space” for me, to zone out from my concerns, and focus instead on my interests and the positives in my life. This creative space helped me recharge.  I forgot my worries and built my resilience!

Try to find what lights your fire, whether it is joining a yoga class or having coffee with a friend.  Try a walk in the fresh air if you can’t think of anything that would brighted your day.  Self-care will nurture your inner child, lift your spirit, help you put things into perspective and clear your head to enable you consider new solutions.

Remember to practice Self-care!  Better still practice “Self-care, times 10!”

I hope you found this helpful or maybe you know someone who might find it helpful.  I’d love to hear your thoughts. What happens when you neglect self-care?  What’s the last thing you did for fun? How does having “me” time make you feel and why would you recommend it?

Much love,

Marie xx

 

Just One Minute Monday…Sprinkling a little Color/Colour.

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No matter how you spell it, color/colour is at its brightest when you help sprinkle it across the world! Marie Clancy.

 

 

Free Promos Part 2–Promoting a Book the Second Time

via Free Promos Part 2–Promoting a Book the Second Time

Treat yourself or treat the special people in your life or learn tips on how to improve your own ratings from the insights shared in this interesting post!

Much love,

Marie xx

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