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The Power is yours… Quote No. 23 “Encourage Yourself Encourage Other”

Quote No. 23 from Encourage Yourself Encourage Others by Anne Devine.

 

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I’m feeling very grateful to have had the opportunity yesterday to take part in an Adler Cafe with the Adlerian Society UK Institute for Individual Psychology (ASIIP).

The topic we discussed was that of Encouragement asking how and why people might be discouraged at the moment?

We spoke about the importance of not going inwards in ourselves but to keep outward looking, showing concern for others and also showing ourselves empathy.

We noted the need to care for ourselves first in order to be able to care for others.  Caring for others can have an uplifting effect on our own mental wellbeing.  A sense of belonging keeps us connected.

We also considered how we can nurture encouragement and help people flourish during the challenges of Covid19.

Some responses included,

Tapping into our strengths

Reinforcing the strengths we see in others

Giving people space

Keeping focused on our priorities

Focusing on what’s within our control

Talking in positive ways about fear

Acknowledging those fears and accepting them, helping to normalises them

Finding ways to defuse fear and lead back to encouragement

Volunteering where possible

And of course the important role of humour.

We also discussed the importance of taking responsibility, facing up to the possibility of our own mortality or that of close relatives by having the difficult conversations about death.  Putting a plan in place so other family members know our health care and/or funeral wishes.  This can save a lot of upset when somebody becomes critically ill.

How and why might you be discouraged at the moment?

How can you Encourage Yourself  Encourage Others?

Le grà,

Mindfully Marie xx

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Encourage Yourself Encourage Others by Anne Devine. (If you would like your own copy of Anne’s book send your enquiries to info.devinepublishing@gmail.com)

 

In the Face of Fatigue…and Pandemic

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If Doris can face it so can we!

 

To all who struggle with this pandemic or any chronic illness, this is for you, just know you are never alone, you are in the best of company…

 

It crumbles like sand
Overcome by a wave

Stealing your inspiration

Or your power to investigate.

Physical tasks must be trimmed
Right down to the quick,

Mental tasks tease,

Like a shadows in the sun
Now you see me…

now I’m gone!

So quickly it fades,
From functioning… To falter,
What felt like a good day or good hour,
consumed and usurped,
Leaving you literally stranded in the midst of stuff!
It dehydrates your thoughts,
It punctures and deflates,
She has you caught
Laughs and knows she’s fine,

while she has you there,
Then leaves you short
Refusing to repay the debt.

So does it defeat you
Steal from you and
Rob you blind?
Or can you befriend it?
Mould and adjust it?
Even a little at a time?

Well, those are questions you pose
And repose, numerous times each day,
As you show up to a
Battle that could go either way!

And is there an answer
To this piece of arithmetic?
Is there is vacination
That can do the trick?

Well the answer is as fickle
As the ego, when it’s in full play
And it defies all logic
On any given day!

Sadly it’s more complex,
As it’s catching in your breath
And the answers
at best, are really hit and miss!

Some discovered and uncovered
Are a chumley mix of tricks
Such as

Pause… and take a moment, to simply catch your breath…

And with dire warning…

Never, ever, use the words…

‘I expect’…
“Rest,” my Da would say…
“Hold your horses, sweet Marie”

Now I recall his kindness
and cherish his request

I dismount & recoup
Heeding his bequest!

Then like a flame rekindling,
Though; not as quickly as it faded
With a streak of determination
You saddle up again…

A dawn of inspiration seeps in slowly, like the morning sun
And brings with it a power, to investigate anon and

With a steely determination
So worn and battle weary,
You acknowledge your, position or condition
And face the day quite cheery!

And with the wisdom of any moment, being yet again undone
You accept what you can
And leave the rest…

unsung!

To all who struggle with this pandemic or any chronic illness, this is for you, just know you are not alone, we are in the best of company!

Le grà,

And with warm Irish hugs!

Mindfully Marie xx

The Power is yours… Quote No.75 “Encourage Yourself Encourage Other”

Quote No.75 from Encourage Yourself Encourage Others by Anne Devine.

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“Listen to music that you love.  Music is good for the soul.  So is dancing.”

What have you been listening to?  We’ve been listening to Lyric FM…it is food for the soul!  What music has made you want to dance?

Le grà,

Mindfully Marie xx

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(Enquiries to info.devinepublishing@gmail.com)

Petition please support…Bullying & Beyond… Painting the Pain, Part II

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Time and the right conditions not only preserve but bring about something of beauty – Marie Clancy.

 

It is now five months since I shared my Bullying & Beyond post, Painting the Pain, part one.  It is not an easy read and comes with a trigger warning.  You can access it here… Bullying & Beyond… 10.Painting the Pain, part one.

Those past five months have been very challenging for our daughter and for us as parents, as she tries bravely to cope with her anxiety.   She refuses to give in and her resilience is remarkable.  As well as accessing professional health support, she has also started a campaign, to try and set up a Psychiatric Assistance Dog charity in Ireland.  Sadly in Ireland while there are guide dogs for the blind and Assistance dogs for autism, Psychiatric Assistance Dogs do not exist.

To understand the whole area of Psychiatric Assistance Dogs, Emma has been busy educating herself via books, blogs, Social Media and YouTube.  A year ago, she began her campaign, contacting political representatives and support organisations.

Emma’s campaign is driven by her goal to have legislation enabled in Ireland to give Psychiatric Assistance Dogs equal status to that available to users of guide dogs for the blind and Assistance dogs for autism.  Having the company of a Psychiatric Assistance Dog to pre-empt the onset of panic attacks will enhance Emma’s life, allowing her to leave home for the first time in months feeling comfortable and safe as she goes about her daily life.

Emma has purchased a Golden Retriever puppy, which she has named Doris.

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Doris, just newly arrived…

 

It is hoped that in time and with the correct training Doris will be the first recognised Psychiatric Assistance Dog in Ireland.  Emma dreams of offering this service of trained Psychiatric Assistance Dogs to others.

To see this goal realised, Emma has also worked unceasingly to set up her website www.candocanineire.com and you can read more of her mission and goals here.

Emma has been in regular contact with the office of the Minister of State for Disability Issues, Mr. Finian McGrath and she has created a petition, which she hopes will receive lots of support and help her have Ireland enact and recognise equal status for Psychiatric Assistance Dogs.  I would be forever grateful if you would make Emma and Doris’ day by signing their petition and finding one other person to do likewise.

I hope I’ve attached the petition link correctly, for convenience, just as you’ll find it on Emma and Doris’ Instagram account…

https://linktr.ee/dorismakesmy.day

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Doris and Emma together making the best of their day

 

Emma and Doris have also started an Instagram account @dorismakesmyday where they would love you to keep them company as they both document and share their journey towards an Ireland that recognises Psychiatric Assistance Dogs and offers people like Emma who live with a mental health condition access to the love and support of a Psychiatric Assistance Dog.

And we can’t finish without recalling this trailblazer… Andy, Emma’s first dog.  Although it broke Emma’s heart (and ours) to let him go to a playfilled future, it had to be done.

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A shoutout to Andy…who still holds a special place in our hearts.

Do you struggle with mental health issues?  Do you have panic attacks?  What do you know about Psychiatric Service Dogs?  Do you know anybody who would benefit from reading this post, if so, please feel free to share.

Le grà,

Mindfully Marie xx

 

Three Things Challenge: Sunflower, spatula, raise

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Growing sunflowers from seed or running the spatuala around the inside of her great-grandmother’s baking bowl as she removes the remnants of banana bread or coffee cake, just two surefire ways, to raise her spirit from the clutches of anxiety! You too can find the sun within your clouds!

Le grà,

Mindfully Marie xx

https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/74951/posts/2287778360

Just One Minute Monday…Limitless

You can see I’m tiny but it doesn’t stop me…

Do what you can within the boundaries of your limitations… and then do a tiny bit more!

Le grà,

Socks & Marie xx

Bullying & Beyond… Resilience.

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Time and the right conditions not only preserve but bring about something of beauty – Marie Clancy.

Our son was having on-going problems with school bullying, resulting in school refusal and self-isolation, shared in Bullying & Beyond… 10.Painting the pain, part three.

While searching for support, I was told, by an adult in a position of responsibility that our son… “needed to be more resilient.

I found their statement to be judgemental. Being judged by an adult and found lacking is not what any child needs when they are suffering because of bullying.

It’s true, being more resilient makes life easier.

It’s also true that children can be over sensitive and they need to be able to identify the difference between occasional teasing, and the type of verbal or physical abuse which deliberately sets out to do harm.

When behaviour has the goal or intention to deliberately hurt, and happens on an regular basis, it wears down a child’s resilience.

Children who are being bullied need empathy. They need their issues to be acknowledged and they need to be affirmed by a statement that says “You are very resilient to have coped with bullying for so long.

The victim needs to be reassured that the problem lies with the bully, and not with them.

They also need to be informed of what action will be taken and a review date needs to be set. Sticking to the review date is vitally important as the victim has been rendered voiceless by constant bullying and will have lost trust in those around them.  We can gain their trust when we live up to our word and prove that we are trust worthy.

It is vitally important that a pro-active approach to bullying is fostered in every school to ensure that every victim of bullying is guaranteed the respect they deserve in a bully free zone.

Have you or your children experienced bullying?  Was your child’s resilience worn down? Did anybody have empathy for them and did it make a difference?

Le grà,

Mindfully Marie xx

Hello from Ireland!

Hello Norway,

Welcome on board! And thank you…

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Welcome to Create Space http://www.ree-creates.com

 

Actually, I’d like to take a minute or two to thank everybody!

I won’t start naming Countries or individual names because you know I mean you, and all because you stopped in to visit and share such kind and encouraging words this past week, since Andy joined our family.

The thing is you will never know how much of a difference your words have made to both myself and Emma!

And of course to Andy…as you can see he’s under so much pressure!

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I don’t know what we’d do without those frequent “dog-naps!”

 

Emma has just started an Instagram account and she would love you to visit her and Andy @reallyhandyandy where she will document and share their journey towards improved mental health and where she hopes to fulfill her dream and goal of paving the way towards the availability of Psychiatric Service Dogs in Ireland.

This post explains in more detail… Bullying & Beyond… 10.Painting the Pain, part two.

Do you have a dog or other amazing pet? What difference does your pet make to your life? Have you heard of Psychiatric Service Dogs?

With heartfelt wishes,

Le grà,

Mindfully Marie xx

Bullying & Beyond… Painting the Pain, part one.

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Time and the right conditions not only preserve but bring about something of beauty – Marie Clancy.

Trigger Warning – Bullying, upsetting read, almost 1.9k word count and only a synopsis of our story.

If I could paint a picture of the pain of bullying I would because a picture can say much more than any amount of words. But I hope my words can help you understand young lives tainted, damaged and almost destroyed by bullying.

Begin by taking a nice relaxing breath and feel the peace and contentment of a happy life…Just breath.

Now I add two children and we see the eldest overcome some challenges, such as being shy, a characteristic of many first children.  Because of relocating, we support her through changing school after one year.  Our youngest child began life weighing 2lb 9oz and was the best Christmas present we brought home, that Christmas, three months after he was born and daily drives one hour each way.  Now laugh with us and imagine the relief of a diagnosis of full health for him at the age of one. No heart murmur. No lung deficiency. No eye sight problems as predicted. We feel proud and happy as we watch him run into school without a backward glance, loving all the new activity and company.

Journey with us as we take another relaxing breath and practice gratitude for two happy, healthy children aged five and seven. Following our heart, values and beliefs we raise them to be loving and kind; to watch out for the welfare of others and to go out of their way to be inclusive and help others feel they belong.  Ironic really how the tables turn on us.

Now picture the knot in my stomach as I notice things begin to change… see a tummy bug that needed a few days hospitalisation leave its mark on Emma.  Notice her upset going to school, lunch not eaten. Hear her tell stories of her lunch being taken on her.  Hear her recount tales of constant name calling, jibing and mocking. Feel her pain as they make fun of her prominent teeth and her love of galloping around the playground instead of running because of her infatuation with horses. Approach the teacher. Get reassurances of an eye on the matter.  Confront a young boy’s carer for his bullying of her on the school bus.  Get more reassurances.

Soon we notice the tears, bitter tears of being excluded by one or two girls. We watch as more of her circle follow their lead and she’s left feeling frustrated and lonely.  School anxiety starts to develop, tears and tummy aches rack her body and people mindlessly comment how thin she is.  We see her push her food around her plate…and then around some more. We are at a loss for what to do as family trips to cafes or restaurants become a nightmare.

Soon separation anxiety develops as I carry her into school and peel her off me, as I try to reassure her that today will be better; the children will be lovely and friendly.

Add in lots of GP visits, referrals to counsellors, psychotherapy and meetings with teachers. I feel my own health deteriorate as I battle to cope with fibromyalgia.  We watch homework suffering and educational milestones not being achieved. I listen as I’m advised by school staff to have an educational assessment done but in the same breath advised that I’ll have to pay and arrange it privately, again unsupported as the government only fund two per year and more disadvantaged children in her school need it. See some school supports come onboard, extra learning support and confidence building.  Pay for a second Educational Psychologist’s report, needed before she enters secondary school, to access extra support there. Watch her adjust well to secondary school, relatively happy during 1st year with no supports offered or thankfully needed.

Feel the kick in my gut as Emma’s happy 1st year turns into an upset 2nd year and a return to more of the same.  Bullying begins again with more tears, more anxiety, more loneliness and exclusion.

We try to find opportunities that build Emma’s confidence and self-esteem.  We send her to pottery classes and see her flourish and then watch as even in the privacy of her own home she is a victim, as we laugh and enjoy the company of relatives over Christmas, she is hounded online. We witness her stress as two girls send texts with nasty, abusive messages. We contact the Gardaì and find there’s not much we can do.  We change her phone sim.

First day back after Christmas we advise the school in case she should be targeted by these girls in person. We receive a phone call from the school.  We are told that the two girls are reprimanded. Later I listen in shock when I’m summoned to the school to collect our emotionally upset child having been physically attacked, dragged to the floor by her hair and kicked and punched by one of the girls on the school premises. See the nasty black and blue bruise leave its mark on her skin, knowing full well the ongoing abuse is leaving its nasty tentacles entwined even deeper within. Read horrible lies posted about her on a social media site to slander and ridicule her.  We later find out the girl had a crush on a boy Emma was friendly with.  We approach the parents. We are kind, we ask for respect, we say we won’t involve the law.

In the meantime we watch her so upset and frightened at home, refusing school for weeks.  Myself and Emma listen as we are told by school staff to “build a wall and put it all (the bullying & assault) behind you.” and we support her decision to change school.  We feel our own stress levels increase.  We grasp moments of self-care but stress and fibromyalgia don’t make for a good mix as I struggle to keep positive and find solutions.

We breath another huge, relaxing breath as she flourishes in her new school.  She tells us she feels accepted, she feels part of the group. She no longer feels isolated.  We see her take on new experiences and even a school adventure trip for five days away from home.

I gag and dry-retch, I choke and sufficate, imagining how she felt when they poured water down her throat while she slept; minding her own business, doing no harm to anyone!

I almost reach cracking point as I see her retreat into herself, go to school and get phone calls to bring her home sick.  One boy begins bullying her on the school bus.  It’s more than she can handle.  We forfeit the fee. I drive her to school and then drive to work.  We face more GP visits, psychological appointments, lots of time and energy draining travel as we again face point blank school refusal. This school has a Home School Liaison Officer and I feel relieved to get some help with mountains of paperwork to obtain home school hours and Emma achieves her Leaving Certificate despite all the torment and abuse.

Years later Emma, and then I, get messages from the bully who physically asaulted her, telling of her regret, her distress, her depression, anxiety and attempted suicide because of what she did. When I receive the message, I am taken off guard and feel a horrific and tangible need to rip that bully apart but instead I hear our amazing daughter Emma say how she has forgiven her…I breath deeply as I read the bully’s messages telling me she was bullied previously and was afraid of being bullied again.  She admitted to portraying a tough image by being a bully to prevent further bullying of herself.  That day I learned a lesson in compassion and I tell the girl it’s ok, don’t worry, access supports, do well in college, stay in touch.

I try not to think about the other bullies who verbally asaulted and excluded Emma but have never had the guts to apologise.  Again we offer it up, practice forgiveness and wish them peace and progression.  We have to in order to find peace and progression ourselves.

And later still we witness the distress, we see the anxiety, the new courses; some completed some not.  We got phone calls from Emma, living away from home while in further courses telling of her panic attacks.  We drive many times to comfort her.

We see her anxiety peak again and watch as her clothes become too big, knowing the anxiety grips her throat and messes with her appetite.  We see her busy herself baking and sculpting, trying to ward off the omni-present anxiety, creating things of beauty and we remind ourselves that unfinished courses, a career or thoughtless people who never ask how she is doing but instead ask “what’s she doing with herself” don’t matter one bit and we listen as those parents proceed to recount how their daughter, her peers, her bullies both active and passive, excel and achieved their third level qualifications.

We watch her as she reaches out for help and is told it’s five weeks to see a Counsellor – pathetic public Irish healthcare service.  A mix up because I’m busy coping with my own health and trying to work and her difficulty managing her timetable see her inadvertently miss that five week awaited appointment.  We all feel frustrated when a phone call can’t reschedule her appointment and we are told her file is closed and she is referred back to her GP.  She has to book another GP appointment and must request another letter of referral to a Counsellor from her GP.  We practice patience, encourage, hold her and reassure her…soon the help will come.

We see her eat less, fit size 6 clothes and yet her spirit fights on.  We both marvel as she learns Dutch with her phone app. We admire how she lobbies every politician for a service dog, unheard of in Ireland but which might just enable her complete a new course by helping her ward off panic attacks on the train.

We share that story here

We encourage her as she appeals to the welfare system for a companion pass so one of us could travel with her on the train. We try hard again to practice and encourage patience as she waits in hope that a human being will pass her application.  But even when it’s refused for a second time we remind ourselves that she doesn’t need a travel pass as she barely manages a half hour drive to numerous appointments each week without us having to pull in and stop the car to help her contain the panic she feels.  She has a driving licence but driving is not an option for her at present.

So what can we do?  We do the best we can do.  We trust it will all work out.  We believe in her.  We just love her and we admire her amazing resilience because we know any of those bullies would have crumbled under the strain years ago.

Oh and by the way, that’s just what was going on for our daughter. Our son was bullied too… but he hid it from us for a long time, instead he showed us his insomnia and isolation.  We believe he tried to save us the additional pain of more bullying.  I initially tried to share that story in Bullying & Beyond… Painting the pain, part three.

If you think this could help anyone who was or is a victim of bullying realise that they are not alone, please feel free to share. If you have been told by your school that your child was or is a bully, please consider the pain they have or are causing. I would love to hear your thoughts. Thank you for reading!

Le grà,

Mindfully Marie xx

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