Our son was having on-going problems with school bullying, resulting in school refusal and self-isolation, shared in Bullying & Beyond… 10.Painting the pain, part three.
While searching for support, I was told, by an adult in a position of responsibility that our son… “needed to be more resilient.”
I found their statement to be judgemental. Being judged by an adult and found lacking is not what any child needs when they are suffering because of bullying.
It’s true, being more resilient makes life easier.
It’s also true that children can be over sensitive and they need to be able to identify the difference between occasional teasing, and the type of verbal or physical abuse which deliberately sets out to do harm.
When behaviour has the goal or intention to deliberately hurt, and happens on an regular basis, it wears down a child’s resilience.
Children who are being bullied need empathy. They need their issues to be acknowledged and they need to be affirmed by a statement that says “You are very resilient to have coped with bullying for so long.”
The victim needs to be reassured that the problem lies with the bully, and not with them.
They also need to be informed of what action will be taken and a review date needs to be set. Sticking to the review date is vitally important as the victim has been rendered voiceless by constant bullying and will have lost trust in those around them. We can gain their trust when we live up to our word and prove that we are trust worthy.
It is vitally important that a pro-active approach to bullying is fostered in every school to ensure that every victim of bullying is guaranteed the respect they deserve in a bully free zone.
Have you or your children experienced bullying? Was your child’s resilience worn down? Did anybody have empathy for them and did it make a difference?
Mindfully Marie xx