Life gets messy when you don’t say what you mean and mean what you say!
Learn to say ‘No’ when you want to say ‘No’
Learn to say ‘Yes’ with a generous heart!
“Famous last words” a witty phrase that is used in response to various remarks and means words that are soon proved to be wrong.
I’d like to invite you to… think back to your last words. Were they words you are proud to stand over? Are you proud of the message you communicated or with the benefit of hindsight could they be words that soon proved to be wrong?
Our words, when said in haste or without thought for the receiver, can HURT.
It may be too late in some cases to undo the hurt…but it is never too late to realise that ‘sure we all say things‘…is not a good enough excuse!
Of course we don’t always set out to HURT with our words but once hurtful words are uttered…the outcomes are far-reaching and can have a ripple effect!
Don’t doubt it! Our words hold POWER!
Our words can affirm and encourage or sadly they can emotionally and psychologically wound. I’d go as far as saying they can, in some cases…destroy!
Maybe today is a good day to become more aware of the powerful position we hold in the growth (or not) of those around us.
I say let’s warm each other with our words!
William Henry Seward, architect of the Alaska Purchase, was asked if he had any final words. He replied, “Nothing, only ‘love one another.’”
I thought I’d share a painful lesson.
I recall being very upset by a hurtful comment, thrown at me in the heat of the moment. It shocked me as I was big-headed enough to think I was perfect! Giving 150 per cent of myself…I was left in no doubt that, from their view point, this was far from the truth!
I felt my heart, viscerally and violently extracted from my chest, I saw my heart in flitters under my feet…years of hard work, vaporised into thin air!
I was left a mess for days, a broken, empty shell. I crawled inside my shell, and there… I came face to face with my inner child. I watched her, my ‘Id’ in action as she cried, complained, sulked, and cried some more.
My self-righteous ‘super-ego’, also took part and told me I hadn’t tried hard enough, I failed, I wasn’t good enough!
My rational, ‘Ego’ tried to voice my positive thoughts, tried to be assertive, tried to gain back reason but I didn’t stand a chance! The negative thoughts wanted free reign. They were in power and they liked the limelight!… I waited, still struggling… I rested, still thinking… I quitened down and I wrote but there was no escape…this had to be dissected and processed…this needed time! This time was painful!
Then, slowly, like an explosion in slow motion, the domino effect halted, the smoke screen settled and I learned an awesome lesson…
I realised that there is no right and wrong, just different versions of the truth! I felt compassion, becoming aware that the message giver was not in a good place and feeling threatened ‘triggered’ an emotional response.
I realised they pushed their emotional struggle over onto me using ‘transferrence’ in order to cope with their overwhelming distress.
I realise they found my ‘weak’ spot, my now made conscious, unconscious lack of self-belief and concern at not being ‘good enough’ and as a result I allowed myself to be ‘hooked’ or ‘triggered’.
But with the aid of the powerful tools of time and reflection, and a little self-care…I realised…
They didn’t rip my heart out…
No, although it’s a shock to admit it,
I… ripped my own heart out…because…
I doubted myself, because…
I judged myself, because…
I passed sentence on myself, and because…
I found myself not ‘good enough’.
But then my inner voice recovered and I knew beyond doubt that I was ‘good enough’. I admitted I had been working hard to value myself and I had learned to accept myself. I accepted this as just a temporary set-back, a lapse in resillience and I knew I just had to nurture my scared and scarred inner child.
I also accepted that the bearer of the message had his or her own learning to do but this was not something I could sort as they have to learn through their life path and own choices.
I also became aware that my lens was clouded, it needing cleaning and widening.
I felt happy knowing my lens could accommodate alternative views that would allow me grow and flourish!
That lesson was a hard one to learn…but it really brought home to me the reality of what I keep telling my students, namely that we learn best from our mistakes!
And when the dust settled I knew I could move forward in peace…
“By making the heart a zone of peace, it affects everybody you touch.” Jack Kornfield
…but I would add “…including yourself!”
Ask yourself have you been ‘triggered’ or have you allowed yourself to be ‘triggered’? Have you learned any lesson as a result?
Liam returned to learning a few years ago having struggled with literacy difficulties for many years. However, within a very short space of time he moved from a place where he struggled to write two sentences to realising that he loved to write!
Liam has now written numerous pieces of fiction, non-fiction and poetry and has pieces published in Tipperary ETB’s (Education and Training Board) Adult Learning Scheme Annual for a number of years and last year in NALA’s (National Adult Literacy Association) Magazine, Literacy Matters, which is distributed throughout Ireland.
Liam also wrote a poem for The Clancy Brothers Festival “If these chairs could talk’ project, held in June and he also agreed to read his poem to a gathering in Carrick-on-Suir Library for Culture Night.
Liam is eager to encourage anyone who has difficulty reading or writing to reach out and join adult literacy classes. With this in mind he was an Ambassador for Literacy, speaking at NALA’s Student Day; which gives students the opportunity to meet other students with similar concerns, helps students build their confidence, self-esteem and realise the value of their unique voice.
All these new challenges demonstrate Liam’s determination to overcome obstacles in his life, further his new-found love of writing and enhance his personal development.
Liam’s non-fiction piece, “Who am I Today?” which speaks for itself…
In it Liam reminds us of two important things;
that…”as an adult, dreams can come through with a bit of luck, work and imagination
And…”Sometimes us adults need to forget about everything and just play and have fun”.
There was an awful row, well it was more of a battle in our house the other morning. The fighting and violence was terrible. And where was I you might ask, and what was I doing? Well, I was in the middle of it, and what I was doing? I was having fun! I’m Superman you see!
Not the real Superman of course, I can’t fly but on that morning I was! No, I’m not going crazy or popped too many Happy Pills. I was saving the house from The Joker and Harley Quinn and a load of other bad guys, with my daughter Caitlin, who was Wonder Woman, complete with mask and cape and Sierra the Wonder dog. We were playing out one of Caitlin’s games and I had the best time. We both did!
Imagination, there’s a lot to be said for it and Caitlin has a powerful one. We have always encouraged her in her imagination and I play with her often.
In the days before the battle between good and evil I had been Batman and Fred from Scooby Do and in Caitlin’s words, I was a baldy Fred! To me it doesn’t matter what we play as long as we have fun and enjoy it. I have been everything from a Princess to a Pony in Caitlin’s games. I’ve had my nails done and even been treated to a makeup session (didn’t look half bad if I say so myself) and I loved every minute of it! I believe that once a child has a good imagination they can be anything they want, and as an adult, dreams can come through with a bit of luck, work and imagination. All the toys in the world, or computer games, phones, tabs or whatever can’t match the powerful mind of a child. It’s fun to watch and even better to be asked to play.
Sometimes us adults need to forget about everything and just play and have fun! Does me the world of good and who cares if I look silly, Caitlin certainly doesn’t and neither do I. Who will I be tomorrow? I can’t wait to find out!
Ps In case you’re wondering who won the battle? Wonder Woman and Superman of course. It was very close until Wonder Woman zapped them with her electric power and saved us all!
Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!
Would you agree Liam has come a long way from struggling to write two sentences?
Would you send him any words of encouragement? I’d love to hear what you think and I will happily pass them on to Liam!
Tonight as I sit in the quietness and comfort of our dimly lit livingroom I’m reminded of the amazing TED Talk by Louis Schwartzberg ‘Gratitude’. That inspiring 10 minute video of time-lapse photography played an important part many years ago, in my new found focus on positivity and gratitude. It was a turning point…
I hope this link works for you, if not a quick search will find it for you. I hope you love it as much as I did and I hope it inspires you!
Louie Schwartzberg: Nature. Beauty. Gratitude.
A few months ago notification popped into my e-mail that I had my first follower!
I was intrigued by this and wondered what it was about my thoughts and words that would make somebody want to follow… me! I was quite happy airing my simple musings on life and getting two or three likes was a bonus!
But a few months on and I have got so much from writing this blog that it’s actually hard to verbalise it! It is probably most accurate to say what I have got is a clatter of (slang, means a lot of), new feelings… Feeling alive… feeling hope, feeling affirmed, feeling focused, feeling capable, feeling connected and feeling like I count for something!
I have enjoyed penning a few thoughts for about 10 years now, starting to journal when I hit 40! But my writing has become more frequent since joining WordPress. It is also more enjoyable and more purposeful!
Some days the daily prompt really resonates with me and I find myself compelled to write. Some days I read an amazing post and get to see a whole new perspective and I just have to comment. Other days I hear the pain in your words and I just have to share some support. Some days your comments lift my lagging spirits and help me believe that anything is possible!
Today I hit 100 followers and it made me feel so grateful! The number is not important to me. I will still write whether I have 1 or 100 followers but it reminded me of the 100’s of ways I have been blessed by being a WordPress Blogger! And, now I know that if, together, we can realise our potential and encourage each other to flourish, then this one day has been a good day!
Here are just a few of the 100’s of kind and thought-filled comments that make me so grateful for creating time for Create Space…and getting to know all of you!
“That’s a good idea.
Thank you so much for reading, so glad you enjoyed it.
So grateful for your lovely comment.
Thanks for stopping by.
You definitely deserved the nomination!!!
Thanks so much for your note.
Thank you for sharing.
I do enjoy reading your posts.
I appreciate your love and positively towards me.
I send love and happiness to you!
Have a great rest of your day.
Close-knit – lovely metaphor, Marie.
Love this family to…sister!
I agree! Well said…
I appreciate you words, it helps a lot at the moment.
LOVE IT!!! ♥
Thank you for your warm comment and encouragement.
It’s a very beautiful post, one that gives me hope…
I agree with you whole-heartedlly.
Thanks for stopping by my blog. Have a great day!”
I truly hope each one of you has a good day and if it’s not a good day…just know that today is, and we all are, good enough!! Believe in yourself and all thoes you meet throughout your day and then watch as wonderous things happen!
Clutch’ caught a hold of me, it held on tight. It accompanied me throughout the day, bubbling under the surface during the night.
On waking it sought me to sift through many memories…
I saw myself learning to clutch and break, as a learner driver, hands gripping in fear onto the gear stick and steering wheel for dear life.
I recalled the heady feeling of being held in the warm clutches of a young marriage.
I clutched my first child to me, in total awe with the process of birth and procreation.
I clutched my precious Nana to me as she slipped peacefully away to her heavenly reward and sang gently to her to guide her passing.
I clutched onto new jobs, new roles, new homes and new household acquisitions caught in the drive to prove myself.
I clutched even tighter to my second child born three months premature but initially, only for brief moments, when he could be taken from his incubator.
I clutched to my husband, family and friends as we faced fears of the unknown together.
But slowly I grew…
I matured and I learned to trust. I didn’t need to micro-manage every aspect of life. Instead I began to let go my ‘clutch’ on people, possessions and power. Instead I opened up to the possibilities of choices. I opened up to the unique being that we all are!
I let go my clutch on people, possessions and power and replaced it with freedom. I found that freedom through acceptance, belief, autonomy and gratitude.
Life taught me acceptance… that everything has its season and is for a reason.
Life brought me belief… in myself and others; that we are each, good enough as we are.
Life showed me that letting go control… feeds and nurtures autonomy: self-drive; in myself and everybody I interact with.
Life brought me gratitude… for the blessings, love, opportunities and experiences that unfold as each day moves just as it’s meant to!
Thanks for reading! What does ‘clutch’ mean to you?
What a great post for Black Friday! Emotionsoflife2016 certainly got me thinking!
Just take a moment to consider…are you a ‘DOer’ or do you try to simply ‘BE‘?
I think it’s not easy to simply ‘BE‘ I think DOing can be easier. Would you agree?
I think we often busy ourselves ‘DOing’ things to avoid ‘BEing’ there for ourselves or others. Have you ever made yourself busy ‘DOing to avoid thinking about the challenges or issues you have faced? Well I certainly have!
Maybe the BEST BLACK FRIDAY commodity we could invest in is…
Taking time to ‘BE‘…
BE ourselves; BE gentle and kind to ourselves and others,
BE truely present; BE in the moment with ourselves and with others, giving of our undivided attention,
BE kind; think before we speak, say a kind word and avoid words that restrain or disempower ourselves or others,
SPEND TODAY WISELY!
I would love you to stop in and share your thoughts with me. I guarantee a warm Irish welcome!
“The Way to do is to be.” ― Lao Tzu Indeed!!! WE must DO before we can BE. I am curious to read what you guys have to say about this quote, and don’t forget to read the “Tao Te Ching” Stay bless and thank you for your continues support, LOVE YOU ALL. Leave […]