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Life and learning

Normal?

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You often hear people say “It’s just another day” or “same old same old.”  Or you might hear people wishing their life away saying ” I wish it was Friday” or “Will the weekend ever come”.  People often hate normality!  Normality is dull and boring, same picture, same story…just another day!

But when your dull, ordinary, normal day is taken from you, that’s the day you’ll realise there was nothing dull, ordinary or normal about normality!

Don’t underestimate normality, it’s only when it’s gone that you’ll realise how valuable normality was!

Le grà,

Marie xx

Four days only… Kindle Download: FATHER FIGURE for .99 (8/16 – 8/20) — This Is My Truth Now

Father Figure is a .99 cent download for the next 5 days from 8/16 thru 8/20. It officially begins at 11am EST today – help yourselves! Thank you so much for your support in sharing, downloading, reading, and reviewing. I appreciate it! Download @ http://mybook.to/FatherFigure Description Between the fast-paced New York City, a rural […]

via Kindle Download: FATHER FIGURE for .99 (8/16 – 8/20) — This Is My Truth Now

Highest achievers?

 

The results of Ireland’s Leaving Certificate State Exam were released on the 13th of August.

This exam is the culmination of five years of study and it holds the key to the future of many students.

For months before the exams, which are held each year in June, two things happen.

1.  Some students don’t cast the upcoming exams a thought.

2.  Some students stress themselves to the point of mental and physical distress over sitting these exams.

For weeks before the results are released in August, two things happen.

1.    Some students don’t cast the upcoming  results a thought.

2.  Some students stress themselves out worrying about the outcome or points they will achieve.

And that is the story of life.

The students at 1. above, takes things in their stride, they do not struggle with their emotions or become anxious.

The students at 2. above, are predisposed to an anxious nature.  They struggle to handle their emotions and cope with stress.

And that is the human story or condition.  We are all different, in how we see the world and how we cope in the world.

The Leaving Certificate acknowledges the high achievers and rightly so!  It tabulates the results and rewards students accordingly.  It is a grading system.  It however, fails to grade students on how they function and cope emotionally or psychologically.

So please consider a few important things.

1.  Look past the A4 sheet of Academic Outcomes and see that each student, teenager, boy, girl, non-gender, behind the A4 grading system is individual, unique, different and consider how they truly feel. They may not be the highest achiever in maths or biology but they might be the highest achiever in resilience or mental health management.

2.  Don’t compare them to others.  It doesn’t matter what their friends or peers got.  Don’t expect them to get the same results. Do expect them to react or cope in very different ways and be there for them, if their world falls apart.  Be calm, be capable and let them see that by supporting each other this will all work out!

3.  If you are a teacher or parent and your student, son or daughter haven’t reached the exam stage yet, then make the most of it!  Tell them, right the way through school, how unique and different they are.  Watch out for and acknowledge their high achievements, whether it is academic or simply turning in for school.  Remind them that they have numerous talents, some of which will be uncovered academically and many, many more which will only surface when they study at the college of life!

Le grà,

Mindfully Marie xx

 

 

 

Bullying & Beyond…Perpetuating Social Norms…

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Time and the right conditions not only preserve but bring about something of beauty – Marie Clancy.

 

Today I would like to share T.S’s very emotive, true story from his blog “Crazywriterof6.” As I read T.S’s distressing reality, I felt my body became anxious.  I felt his apprehension and fear.  His sense of loneliness and isolation is palpable.  He says… “Maybe some of you can relate and see that even then, you weren’t alone”. No child should be in dread every day, isolated and living with the fear of bullying!

In my last post I wrote about the difficulty I had in supporting my children, both victims of bullying, because of the pressure on victims to remain silent.  You might like to read it… Big Boys…Don’t Cry!

We now hear in T.S’s own words, his deeply ingrained and debilitating belief as to why he was bullied… “The torture continued. Many moments before this event, many after. I have written some of them out, just to get them out. All this because I was different than the “normal people”, different from what society says I should be. Different because I was overweight”.  I believe he was not different… everybody is different and everybody has the right to be respected for who and how they are.

Please enhance your understanding by reading his story…

https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/48424428/posts/20

At a funeral yesterday, one sentence struck me, that sentence was “We could all be better people,” meaning we could all do more to be there for others.

Let’s break down the silence and begin a cross cultural, worldwide conversation about bullying.  Let’s educate ourselves and our children about bullying and let’s tear down out-dated social norms.

Le grà,

Mindfully Marie xx

 

 

 

 

Gardens… the path of life

Cee’s Fun Foto Challenge…Gardens

 

 

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The path of life…

 

Japanese Gardens

Le grà,

Mindfully Marie xx

 

Bullying & Beyond…Avoid the hook!

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Time and the right conditions not only preserve but bring about something of beauty – Marie Clancy.

 

Your son or daughter arrives home from school, you know by their mood and verbal and non-verbal behaviour that they are upset. Maybe you notice they are avoiding you, they resist talking to you about their day or they might even tell you lies, pretending there is nothing wrong.

You might witness their mood deteriorating further and that might include them turning their frustration on you by shouting, blaming and generally behaving disrespectfully.

You are likely at this point to notice your temper rising and your patience being tested. This is the crucial moment…try to avoid the hook, try to resist being sucked into the argument.  Getting caught up in a two way shouting match serves no purpose!

Try to be mindful that this behaviour is your son or daughter’s way of coping with the upset they are feeling as a result of being bullied.

They are trying to cope by literally tossing some of their upset off themselves and onto you.  The very best thing that you can do is avoid becoming emotional.

Instead, calmly and patiently see if you can get to the root of the problem.  What is the underlying issue?  If the emotional outburst continues, again, calmly but firmly inform your child that you refuse to deal with them while they behave this way and set a time to talk later, when they have calmed down.  Then walk away, leave the environment.

Importantly, now is a good time to think of self-care (you might like to read my previous post Here)

Once you have practiced some self-care you will be feeling much calmer and in a better place to help your child.

It is vitally important that at the appointed time or when your child has calmed down that you follow up with them and try to ascertain the difficulty they are having.  If you do, you are showing them that their issue is of concern to you. You are also building the most important aspect in your relationship, and that is… trust.

UPDATE…

I would like to thank Jennifer @ Tea With Jennifer for this insight which she kindly gave me permission to share with you.

From a therapist’s viewpoint the behavior of the child is a form of communication, communicating that they are in crisis & can’t verbalize it correctly.

So they start acting out subconsciously, thus bringing attention to the crisis within them. Fear often manifests itself as anger in many especially males.

Blessings,

Jennifer”

There are many other great insights to be found at Jennifer’s blog…

https://teawithjennifer.blog

Have you ever experienced a situation similar to the above?  What happened during it? How did you handle it? Please share, I’d love to hear your experience.

Le grà,

Mindfully Marie xx

Bullying & Beyond…No excuse Pt.2

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Time and the right conditions not only preserve but bring about something of beauty – Marie Clancy.

In my previous post I said it’s not ok to make excuses for any bullying behaviour,  No Excuse, Pt.1

And yes, I did say that each of those bullies had a difficult back story, or issue of their own…

But I’d like to reiterate, victims are innocent and do not need to make excuses or take ownership of the behaviour of bullies no matter how difficult the bully’s backstory.

But here is the pivotal point… the only way to stamp out bullying…is to identify and understand the bullies misguided goal of behaviour which often show that bullies struggle with low self-esteem. They have learned to consciously or sub-consciously compare themselves to other children and find themselves lacking…

And in order to make up for the lack they see in themselves, they over-compensate, trying to enhance their self-esteem, to move them away from the discomfort of being a “felt minus” (feeling at a disadvantage) to a “felt plus” (feeling good) (Adlerian concepts or ideas), by the only method they know how, which is by putting somebody else down in order to build themselves up

Because… Bullies feel big when they bully others.  But that feeling is short-lived, and soon they slump back to feeling bad again as their self-esteem continues to peak and trough throughout their lives.

In their own eyes they are never good enough so they torment themselves striving for perfection, rushing from one achievement to the next, always needing to be more…trying to be richer, more powerful, thinner…and all the time walking on people to get where they want to go.

Or they will avoid achieving altogether because it’s painful to strive for achievement and end up failing. Failing hurts, it brings a ‘felt minus’ every single time they fail an exam or miss an opportunity in life they compare themselves and their lives to the lives of others. Their physical or mental health may suffer.  They will continue to waste their lives, as they physically or psychologically walk on others…

So the bottom line is that it’s NOT OK to make excuses for bullies and we also need to hold them accountable.

Education is needed to equip them with the correct insights and tools to manage their thoughts and actions…

And to do this, we, the parents, the teachers and the wider community need access to the most up to date research and information that is available on bullying.

So no matter the reason why a bully becomes a bully…it is NOT OK that bullies behave this way…

There is no BUT, there is no EXCUSE

Have you been bullied? Have you access to up to date information and support? Do you feel equipt to deal with bullying?

Le grà,

Mindfully Marie xx

From seed & brush…

FOTD – July 21, 2019 – Sunflower

 

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From seed tended by Emma.

 

And…

 

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From the tip of Emma’s brush…

 

Le grà,

Mindfully Marie xx

 

 

 

 

Sylvia Marcia learned “all the strength was within me.”

After the breakup, one of the main things I was concerned about was how I was going to continue living my life outdoors. My ex was my adventure partner. He helped plan things. He challenged me. He took me places. Being in the outdoors became part of my identity, but without him – was I […]

via Reclaiming My Identity Outdoors: Breakup. Anxiety. Depression. — Sylvia Marcia

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