I’m not a professionally qualified Counsellor or expert on bullying but I am a mother who has gained knowledge and experienced of bullying through the lives of our two children.
I have as part of my Degree in Adult Education studied the Psychology of Adult Education and Counselling in Adult Education and found both of these extremely helpful in understanding and coping with the situation we found ourselves in.
Our journey through bullying and its after effects spanned two decades (2002 to 2018) and as a result I’d like to offer my support to other parents who struggle with the impact of bullying on their children.
In these posts I’ll try to share some insights we’ve gained. My first…
1. TAKE HEART.
If your child is suffering the effects of bullying and if it is having a negative impact on every member of your family, try to remain calm and show a capable front. I know how upset you feel. I know that the last thing you can comprehend is that it will all work out just fine. But trust me… with determination to support your child, and by practicing self-care, you will reach a place of peace and progression!
I know because we were there and now we’ve reached that place of peace and progression and learned a lot as a result. My son summed up his journey through bullying in a nice quote; you can read about it here…Bullying…”I am grateful for it all”…
I hope you find this helpful. And I hope to write more on the subject of bullying.
Have you or your children experienced bullying? Is bullying still an issue for you or have you reached a place of peace and progression? Please feel free to share your experiences, it could help inform other parents, provide comfort or encourage somebody else through the distress of bullying.
Last month I travelled to Bonn for ICASSI 2018, (learn a little more about ICASSI here.)
I got this opportunity after applying for one of a limited number of places on an Erasmus programme offered by my employers. I had been hoping, like a real live blogger, to post some updates while in Bonn but my internet connection didn’t live up to my expectations. I’m home almost a month and I’ve been unable to concentrate long enough to pen my thoughts because I’ve been paying and still am paying the price in CFS/FIBRO currency for the huge amount of energy I expended during the wonderful yet demanding week at ICASSI but I wouldn’t have it any other way. However, thanks to insights from Adlerian Psychology, one of which is having the courage to be imperfect I can accept that a post just over a month later is not perfect but is instead perfectly imperfect. It is good enough, I am good enough and I hope you find it good enough and if not, well that’s ok with me too!
I travelled alone to Bonn, and I didn’t know anybody there except one of the faculty, Karen. I found it a little intimidating heading into the registration area on the evening I arrived. Everybody appeared to know each other, there was an exciting buzz that was upbeat and friendly, yet I felt like an outsider.
As soon as I had my name badge on and a cup of tea in my hand I mingled about. I knew I just had to call upon my courage and do my best to connect with others.
I soon discovered that so many people, from all over the world, have either been to Ireland or are curious about Ireland. I sat down beside a young Asian lady, who was on her own. It turned out that it was her first time at ICASSI also. She came looking for me at tea break a day or two later, asking to take a selfie together and thanking me for talking to her that first evening as she had been feeling lonely and apprehensive in her new surroundings. Reaching out to encourage others takes courage too but it’s definitely worth the effort.
If you were energetic and wanted to partake in an exercise programme, then your day began at 7am. If not you could start your day at 9am, like me, with a Plenary session which was a one and a half hour presentation with power point delivered in English and translated into German or vice versa.
Tea break was from 10.30 until 11am and morning classes started promptly at 11am until 1pm. Lunch was available on site if you wished.
I usually walked back to my hotel to grab a quick siesta following my lunch. This helped recharge my battery for the afternoon classes which started promptly at 2pm until 4pm.
When afternoon class ended there was then the option to attend short presentations from 4.45 to 6pm at which time dinner was served. There was a vast canteen area and plenty of outdoor seating which was so welcoming in the warmth of the evenings and provided ample opportunities to talk to lots of interesting and like-minded people. Coping with the heat was challenging as it ranged from 31 degrees on Monday to 40 degrees celcius on Wednesday. Thankfully a thunder storm and lots of rain on Thursday saw temperatures drop back around the early 30’s which dare I say felt managable! Bear in mind 25 degrees is considered a scorcher of a summer’s day in Ireland and quite rare!
There was ample opportunity for socialising every evening and on Monday, Wednesday and Friday an evening programme of entertainment started at 7pm and included a German Night, a talent show and a closing ceremony. There was a lovely bar where we gathered to relax over a drink or two and there was always someone happy to sing or play a guitar!
There were many different courses to choose from and I decided to participate in two short courses, instead of one long programme. I chose Cooperative Problem Solving and Encouragement in Stressful Situations. These courses were delivered using an Adlerian approach which is based on respect and social interest. Working in small groups was a great way to get to know some of the participants better.
I’ve come away from my first ICASSI with so many beautiful memories which include lots of conversations, laughter, fun, cultural insights from participants from 35 countries, renewed awareness of the importance of community, lots of new friends and promises of e-mails, a fantastic approach to cooperative problem solving and strategies from BASIC PH to encourage myself and others through stressful situations. Looking back now it really was A New Book…a beautiful one!
Thank you for reading and sharing in this experience with me!
I’d love to hear your comments or answer any questions you have.
Hi from Dublin Airport! I’m about to write a new page in my life and learning journey as I fly today from Dublin, Ireland to Bonn, Germany for a week at the 51st Annual Rudolf Dreikurs International Summer Institute ICASSI 2018. I’d like to thank all of you who have read my post Success…a person or thing that succeeds.
for reading and for your thoughtful comments! A special thanks to Larry ‘Dutch’ Woller at Dutchil/onthepathleasttraveled for his encouragement and very apt quote…
“No, this is not the beginning of a new chapter in my life; this is the beginning of a new book! That first book is already closed, ended, and tossed into the seas; this new book is newly opened, has just begun! Look, it is the first page! And it is a beautiful one!”
C. JoyBell C.
Also he reminds us in his post, linked below, of the importance of adventure with this quote…
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover, acquire new friends and gain knowledge of yourself and the world.” Mark Twain
Check out onthepathleasttraveled if you enjoy insightful posts filled with wonderful, knowledgeable quotes such as in this post… About ‘Dutch’
I’m looking forward to adding more of my adventure as the days unfold!
What’s your most memorable adventure? What thing or things do you now regret not doing?
For almost 19 years I have had to haul fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue around with me. Some days you haul yourself out of bed and the whole day is like hauling yourself up a mountainside. Other days it’s like trying to see through the dense fog that covers that mountainside and it makes your brain function feel like it’s caught in a time-lapse photography project.
But stay positive because there is a plus side! There is a valuable haul of learning that comes from an invisible illness… Never again will you make the assumption when you look at someone that their live is perfect because you know how it feels to be told how great you look despite barely holding it together in either or both body and mind. Similarly when somebody tells you their struggles, you will be well placed to really empathise because you know what it is to struggle. Or when someone tells you they are their own worst enemy or that they struggle to accept their illness, you will be well equipt to understand and having learnt some tips and tricks that eased the journey, you are only too happy to share them if it can ease someone else’s struggle.
So you decide…will it be something you begrudgingly haul with you
Will you treasure your valuable haul and put your learning to good use?
The pen lies firmly between thumb and forefinger, The empty page awaits the uncertain stroke. A sigh, a glance – a dip to the pot and the alchemy begins. Pause now. A thesaurus is lifted and thumbed anew. Darting, glancing, and leafing through the lavish pages, The swish of rice paper whispers thoughts, to-ing and […]