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Normal?

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It’s not unusual to hear people say “It’s just another day” or “same old same old.”  Or you might hear people wishing their life away saying ” I wish it was Friday” or “Will the weekend ever come”.  People often hate normality!  Normality is dull and boring, same picture, same story…just another day!

But when your dull, ordinary, normal day is taken from you, that’s the day you’ll realise there was nothing dull, ordinary or normal about normality!

Don’t underestimate normality, it’s only when it’s gone that you’ll realise how valuable normality was!

Le grà,

Marie xx

Bullying & Beyond…Shame

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Time and the right conditions not only preserve but bring about something of beauty – Marie Clancy.

 

When your child is being bullied at school, it is important to reach out and find professional support.  There is a lot of qualified support out there but it is very important to find a counsellor that you and/or your child can relate to.  The trust you build with your counsellor is vital to the healing process.

Shame is an important aspect of bullying and an aspect I’d like to raise awareness of.  Teachers carry a heavy task, large class sizes and a wide variety of needs to be met but I think it’s important, for parents and teachers, to be very aware that children remember shaming remarks and wear them like a label, long after the event. The emotional growth of children is stunted if they are shamed in front of their siblings or peers.

I’d like to share a post from the blog of Jim O’Shea, Counsellor. http://www.jimoshea.net/shaming-children-leaves-a-lasting-impact-and-gives-them-core-shame-which-they-bring-into-adult-life/

This experienced and knowledgeable gentleman played an important part in providing insights that helped us heal our family.  Of course when you gain insights from counselling, you can choose to learn from them and use them to heal your family or if you so wish, not learn from them or use them.  At the end of the day, the path you choose is up to you…

Le grà,

Mindfully Marie xx

Shaming children leaves a lasting impact and gives them core shame which they bring into adult life

Shaming remarks made to children under twelve have a more drastic and permanent impact that can become core because, like parents, teachers spend a lot of time with them, and the frequency of these remarks is a key element in laying the crop of shame. A combination of parental and teaching shaming is particularly damaging and reinforces the sense of not being good enough in the child. We can choose not to shame any child. Education is not just about intellectual or cognitive development, it must include emotional nourishment as well, which is facilitated by praise and allowing children the space to interact with each other. So, I will leave this part of the blog with a simple poem by an unknown poet on the practical difference between shame and praise –

“I’ve got 2 A’s” the small boy cried,
His voice was filled with glee
His father very bluntly asked
“Why did you not get three?”

“I’ve mowed the grass” the tall boy said
“And put the mower away”.
His father asked him with a shrug,
“Did you clean off the clay?

“Mom, I’ve got the dishes done,”
The girl called from the door.
Her mother very calmly said
“And did you sweep the floor?”

The children in the house next door
Seemed happy and content.
The same things happened over there,
But this is how it went:

“I’ve got 2 A’s the small boy cried,
His voice was filled with glee.
His father very proudly said
“That’s great! I’m glad you live with me.”

“I’ve mowed the grass,” the tall boy said
“And put the mower away,”
His father answered with much joy,
“You’ve made my happy day”

“Mom, I’ve got the dishes done”
The girl called from the door.
Her mother smiled and softly said,
“Each day I love you more.”

Children need encouragement
For tasks they’re asked to do
If they’re to lead a happy life,
So much depends on you.

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Highest achievers?

 

The results of Ireland’s Leaving Certificate State Exam were released on the 13th of August.

This exam is the culmination of five years of study and it holds the key to the future of many students.

For months before the exams, which are held each year in June, two things happen.

1.  Some students don’t cast the upcoming exams a thought.

2.  Some students stress themselves to the point of mental and physical distress over sitting these exams.

For weeks before the results are released in August, two things happen.

1.    Some students don’t cast the upcoming  results a thought.

2.  Some students stress themselves out worrying about the outcome or points they will achieve.

And that is the story of life.

The students at 1. above, takes things in their stride, they do not struggle with their emotions or become anxious.

The students at 2. above, are predisposed to an anxious nature.  They struggle to handle their emotions and cope with stress.

And that is the human story or condition.  We are all different, in how we see the world and how we cope in the world.

The Leaving Certificate acknowledges the high achievers and rightly so!  It tabulates the results and rewards students accordingly.  It is a grading system.  It however, fails to grade students on how they function and cope emotionally or psychologically.

So please consider a few important things.

1.  Look past the A4 sheet of Academic Outcomes and see that each student, teenager, boy, girl, non-gender, behind the A4 grading system is individual, unique, different and consider how they truly feel. They may not be the highest achiever in maths or biology but they might be the highest achiever in resilience or mental health management.

2.  Don’t compare them to others.  It doesn’t matter what their friends or peers got.  Don’t expect them to get the same results. Do expect them to react or cope in very different ways and be there for them, if their world falls apart.  Be calm, be capable and let them see that by supporting each other this will all work out!

3.  If you are a teacher or parent and your student, son or daughter haven’t reached the exam stage yet, then make the most of it!  Tell them, right the way through school, how unique and different they are.  Watch out for and acknowledge their high achievements, whether it is academic or simply turning in for school.  Remind them that they have numerous talents, some of which will be uncovered academically and many, many more which will only surface when they study at the college of life!

Le grà,

Mindfully Marie xx

 

 

 

Bullying & Beyond… It only takes one…

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Time and the right conditions not only preserve but bring about something of beauty – Marie Clancy.

 

It only takes one bully to wreak havoc on a child’s life.

But likewise it only takes one mother to start a hope-filled conversation about bullying for things to change for the better!

This post was prompted by Cee’s photo prompt; the topic was 1 Item or the Number One.

Cee’s Fun Foto Challenge: 1 Item or the Number One

Le grà,

Mindfully Marie

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Connected or corrected…

Today a father and his little son were walking along a quiet street approaching a corner.  The little boy, about three years old, made a dash away from his father towards the corner of the street.  We were driving towards the same corner.  My husband had already anticipated the possibilities and slowed down, well below the speed limit.

I saw the father of the little boy suddenly react. He ran a few steps and grabbed his son by the arm, just at the edge of the path.  He aggressively jerked his son’s little arm a number of times, loudly chastising him as we drove past.  I thought about how many times I had near misses when my children were young and I could hear my heart beating loudly in my ears.

This child had done something wrong, but he is a child and still learning.  The mistake he made could have meant he was seriously injured or even worse, had he actually dashed off the street and onto the road in front of our car.

I thought about who needs to be corrected here.  Nobody trains us to be parents.  After fourteen years in school we leave without any training or qualification in childcare.  But when a parent walks along a quiet street with a three year old child, and pays more attention to their phone screen than to their child, then it’s not the child that needs to be corrected!

So, if you have a near one with your child, think about who needs to learn from the experience and if you’re ready to jump in and chastise your child, think about what message you are giving them…

Instead, I encourage you to calm yourself. Kneel down to their height, hug them to you, tell them you love them.  Then look them in the eye and tell them about the fright you got, talk about the rules of the road and about the danger of dashing off the path onto the road and then sit back and think…

Thank your lucky stars that you are still a parent…

and that you still have time to enhance your parenting skills…

because no matter how much attention you give your phone screen…

Google, Ecosia or any other search will not take away the heartbreak or show you how to bring your little son back to life.

Le grà,

Mindfully Marie xx

 

 

Monday’s Memory Lane… 3.Scatter

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Our thoughts and words may scatter but they always land. Make sure your words are ones you’ll be proud of…

 

Welcome to Monday’s memory lane where I share an old post…

In this post Scatter your thoughts…

I pondered the impact of our thoughts when they transform into words…

As we age, we change how we think, how we feel and how we behave. We drop old habits and seek out new. Enjoy scattering your thoughts…some go unseen and blow away on the breeze but some nourish the ground they fall on.

What thoughts and words have you scattered today? Are they ones you’ll be proud of?

Le grá,

Mindfully Marie xx

 

 

 

 

 

 

Monday’s Memory Lane…2. Measure

Welcome to Monday’s memory lane where I share an old post…

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Let your dreams soar…unmeasured!

 

In this post I considered the word “Measure”…

A common noun, a thing, a word with a lot of meanings such as the size or quantity of something. It can also mean a unit of size or quantity, such as the size of our home or the quantity or amount of friends we are blessed with. Measure can also mean extent, the range over which something extends; its area, such as the ground our home covers or the extent to which we can depend on our friends or them on us. Measure can also mean action taken, law or even be applied to poetry as poetical rhythm.

So if one word can have so many meanings and mean so many different things, surely, that’s all the more reason to be measured in the words we use and the things we say.

How often do we stop and measure what we are about to say before we rush headlong into saying it without thought of the consequences.

Has life always been measured or depending on your social standing, not measured at all? Are we either highly valued or of no value?

Do we measure ourselves only by comparing ourselves to others? I envy your attitude, your ability to remain positive in the face of adversity. What a measured put-down and denial of our own measure.

Just check out social media if you are unsure of how you measure yourself. To what extent is our success, popularity and acceptance measured by the number of likes, shares, followers and retweets achieved?

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What does ‘Measure’ mean to you?

Le grá,

Mindfully Marie xx

 

 

Flashback Friday… ‘Sin Bin’

Last night I caught myself…not in the nick of time, but certainly in time to reduced my time in the ‘Sin Bin!’  You might wonder whether I am a rugby player but I can confirm that is certainly not the case!

When I say ‘Sin Bin‘ I am referring to being caught up in an upsetting incident or any emotional state where suffering is happening.

Here’s an outline…Last night I made an assumption that ‘somebody’ was going to do something for me to support me.  I expected them to be there for me.

So I was shocked when I didn’t get the support I expected. I got a ‘No’.  And oh boy, my child-self jumped at the chance to act up!  I went silent and I sulked. I gave out a little too. I opted for an early night in bed; to run away from the problem…but as I was preparing for bed thankfully I realised,…I became aware…that I had made an assumption of support. I hadn’t asked in plain English for what I needed.  The fractured communication meant that ‘someone’ was not fully aware of what I needed.  As a result they had made alternative plans.  I realised, that just as I had a right to ask and expect…they had an equal right to say ‘No’ and expect a mature acceptance.

Thankfully by realising; by becoming aware, I got myself out of the ‘Sin Bin‘ after a short period of time. I saved myself a lot of emotional upset and physical pain.  I remember back to a previous post where it took a long time suffering before logic returned. If you wish, read about that learning journey here Wise or otherwise?

I am so grateful that I have grown and learned from that experience. I am grateful to constantly be developing my awareness. I am grateful to be reminded of the importance of clear communication.

Realising that although I am there a lot for ‘someone,’ doesn’t mean they have to be there for me and if I only give of myself expecting a return then that’s not true, unselfish giving.  That is conditional giving…giving on condition of a return!

I hope you found my reflection helpful. I would love to hear your comments or any experience where you grew in awareness.

Much love,

Marie xx

My wish for you today…

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My wish for you today… is that you, like me, find the greatest adventures in the simple things, like having a car picnic or watching the wind scattering leaves like confetti, across your lawn!

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In what simple things do you find the greatest adventure?

Much love,

Marie xx

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