Hi... failte (Irish for welcome! and pronounced fall-thhha).
I'm a newbie to blogging, here just over a year, but what a great year it has been!
I've turned the corner to 50 recently and two things become more relevant...time and experiences!
Material possessions are less important! Using time wisely and truly experiencing each day holds a new significance for me!
If you wish..., a little of the back story...
I''m blessed to be married to a kind and loving man for 28 years, we have two children now 19 and 21.
As I approached 40 and searching for something more, whilst holding down my then part-time legal secretarial work, I trained as a voluntary adult literacy tutor, with the hope of helping adults improve their literacy skills and have a second, and better experience of learning!
However, little did I think that wanting to help others improve their lives would see my own life improve beyond measure also!
You see for years I found it difficult to know what to do as I watched our two children suffer at the hands of bullies. Their struggle began to change when I returned to education! Through education I slowly gained valuable knowledge, I grew in confidence and self-esteme and it had a ripple effect!
By 2014, aged 47 I had completed a Higher Certificate in Literacy Development and a B.A. in Adult Education. I love my work as an adult educator, particularly when adults trust me enough to let down their defences and 'let me in'. Then I can help them by getting to know what makes them 'tic' and what 'lights their fire!'.
As an added bonus along the way I've realised that I also have a love of writing and that writing is cathartic (providing psychological relief through written expression of built up emotions), both for my students and myself. This blog enables me to pursue that new-found interest and I've really enjoying reading your blogs, sharing comments, getting to know so many people and gaining new perspectives. I also like to share any little 'gems' of learning I've gathered along the way!
Thanks for sharing your stories and for helping me realise that it is all possible...and that together we write a truly better story!
Much love,
Marie x
You often hear people say “It’s just another day” or “same old same old.” Or you might hear people wishing their life away saying ” I wish it was Friday” or “Will the weekend ever come”. People often hate normality! Normality is dull and boring, same picture, same story…just another day!
But when your dull, ordinary, normal day is taken from you, that’s the day you’ll realise there was nothing dull, ordinary or normal about normality!
Don’t underestimate normality, it’s only when it’s gone that you’ll realise how valuable normality was!
Father Figure is a .99 cent download for the next 5 days from 8/16 thru 8/20. It officially begins at 11am EST today – help yourselves! Thank you so much for your support in sharing, downloading, reading, and reviewing. I appreciate it! Download @ http://mybook.to/FatherFigure Description Between the fast-paced New York City, a rural […]
Time and the right conditions not only preserve but bring about something of beauty – Marie Clancy.
When your child is being bullied at school, it is important to reach out and find professional support. There is a lot of qualified support out there but it is very important to find a counsellor that you and/or your child can relate to. The trust you build with your counsellor is vital to the healing process.
Shame is an important aspect of bullying and an aspect I’d like to raise awareness of. Teachers carry a heavy task, large class sizes and a wide variety of needs to be met but I think it’s important, for parents and teachers, to be very aware that children remember shaming remarks and wear them like a label, long after the event. The emotional growth of children is stunted if they are shamed in front of their siblings or peers.
This experienced and knowledgeable gentleman played an important part in providing insights that helped us heal our family. Of course when you gain insights from counselling, you can choose to learn from them and use them to heal your family or if you so wish, not learn from them or use them. At the end of the day, the path you choose is up to you…
Le grà,
Mindfully Marie xx
Shaming children leaves a lasting impact and gives them core shame which they bring into adult life
Shaming remarks made to children under twelve have a more drastic and permanent impact that can become core because, like parents, teachers spend a lot of time with them, and the frequency of these remarks is a key element in laying the crop of shame. A combination of parental and teaching shaming is particularly damaging and reinforces the sense of not being good enough in the child. We can choose not to shame any child. Education is not just about intellectual or cognitive development, it must include emotional nourishment as well, which is facilitated by praise and allowing children the space to interact with each other. So, I will leave this part of the blog with a simple poem by an unknown poet on the practical difference between shame and praise –
“I’ve got 2 A’s” the small boy cried,
His voice was filled with glee
His father very bluntly asked
“Why did you not get three?”
“I’ve mowed the grass” the tall boy said
“And put the mower away”.
His father asked him with a shrug,
“Did you clean off the clay?
“Mom, I’ve got the dishes done,”
The girl called from the door.
Her mother very calmly said
“And did you sweep the floor?”
The children in the house next door
Seemed happy and content.
The same things happened over there,
But this is how it went:
“I’ve got 2 A’s the small boy cried,
His voice was filled with glee.
His father very proudly said
“That’s great! I’m glad you live with me.”
“I’ve mowed the grass,” the tall boy said
“And put the mower away,”
His father answered with much joy,
“You’ve made my happy day”
“Mom, I’ve got the dishes done”
The girl called from the door.
Her mother smiled and softly said,
“Each day I love you more.”
Children need encouragement
For tasks they’re asked to do
If they’re to lead a happy life,
So much depends on you.
The results of Ireland’s Leaving Certificate State Exam were released on the 13th of August.
This exam is the culmination of five years of study and it holds the key to the future of many students.
For months before the exams, which are held each year in June, two things happen.
1. Some students don’t cast the upcoming exams a thought.
2. Some students stress themselves to the point of mental and physical distress over sitting these exams.
For weeks before the results are released in August, two things happen.
1. Some students don’t cast the upcoming results a thought.
2. Some students stress themselves out worrying about the outcome or points they will achieve.
And that is the story of life.
The students at 1. above, takes things in their stride, they do not struggle with their emotions or become anxious.
The students at 2. above, are predisposed to an anxious nature. They struggle to handle their emotions and cope with stress.
And that is the human story or condition. We are all different, in how we see the world and how we cope in the world.
The Leaving Certificate acknowledges the high achievers and rightly so! It tabulates the results and rewards students accordingly. It is a grading system. It however, fails to grade students on how they function and cope emotionally or psychologically.
So please consider a few important things.
1. Look past the A4 sheet of Academic Outcomes and see that each student, teenager, boy, girl, non-gender, behind the A4 grading system is individual, unique, different and consider how they truly feel. They may not be the highest achiever in maths or biology but they might be the highest achiever in resilience or mental health management.
2. Don’t compare them to others. It doesn’t matter what their friends or peers got. Don’t expect them to get the same results. Do expect them to react or cope in very different ways and be there for them, if their world falls apart. Be calm, be capable and let them see that by supporting each other this will all work out!
3. If you are a teacher or parent and your student, son or daughter haven’t reached the exam stage yet, then make the most of it! Tell them, right the way through school, how unique and different they are. Watch out for and acknowledge their high achievements, whether it is academic or simply turning in for school. Remind them that they have numerous talents, some of which will be uncovered academically and many, many more which will only surface when they study at the college of life!
Sir Isaac Newton noticed that magenta did not exist in the spectrum of colors from white light when he played with prisms.
But when he superimposed the red end of the spectrum on to the blue end, he saw the color magenta (this can be done with two prisms to make two spectral spreads, “rainbows”):
Magenta is the only color that does not exist as a single wavelength of light
For more interesting facts and optical illusions check out…
Time and the right conditions not only preserve but bring about something of beauty – Marie Clancy.
Today I would like to share T.S’s very emotive, true story from his blog “Crazywriterof6.” As I read T.S’s distressing reality, I felt my body became anxious. I felt his apprehension and fear. His sense of loneliness and isolation is palpable. He says… “Maybe some of you can relate and see that even then, you weren’t alone”. No child should be in dread every day, isolated and living with the fear of bullying!
In my last post I wrote about the difficulty I had in supporting my children, both victims of bullying, because of the pressure on victims to remain silent. You might like to read it… Big Boys…Don’t Cry!
We now hear in T.S’s own words, his deeply ingrained and debilitating belief as to why he was bullied… “The torture continued. Many moments before this event, many after. I have written some of them out, just to get them out. All this because I was different than the “normal people”, different from what society says I should be. Different because I was overweight”. I believe he was not different… everybody is different and everybody has the right to be respected for who and how they are.
Please enhance your understanding by reading his story…
At a funeral yesterday, one sentence struck me, that sentence was “We could all be better people,” meaning we could all do more to be there for others.
Let’s break down the silence and begin a cross cultural, worldwide conversation about bullying. Let’s educate ourselves and our children about bullying and let’s tear down out-dated social norms.
Time and the right conditions not only preserve but bring about something of beauty – Marie Clancy.
When we deny who we are and how we really feel, either physically and/or mentally we silence our authentic self. We reject ourselves. For years I didn’t admit that I have fibro/fatigue, except to a few family members and close friends. When we reject ourselves we are bullying ourselves. We think we are not good enough, we focus on our flaws and feel a sense of shame.
Similarly, when we are bullied we are also silenced. We are judged by someone and denied the opportunity to be our real selves. We think we are not good enough and we withdraw from society or family. When we withdraw emotionally we block off our true emotions, denying ourselves the right to acknowledge and feel our emotions.
When our daughter experienced bullying, it caused her to step into survivor mode. She put up a front whilst crying inside. She couldn’t let the bullies see her crying. She knew if she broke down crying, it would fuel even more bullying.
After finishing secondary school she moved past bullying, building back her resilience. She participated in further education and in society. She set and achieved many new goals. She met new and inclusive peers, friends and educators. All these mature, self-aware people bolstered her confidence.
However, even if it’s been years since you were bullied, a simple, present day event may unexpectedly trigger the same feelings. This was the case for our daughter. It only took one educator to criticise Emma and her work, in front of her peers, to bring our daughter right back to survival mode.
This time it was different. Emma found the courage to address the issue to her school counsellor. She sought advice. She spoke up to that educator. She stood up for herself. She didn’t need to call upon her parents. She was self-sufficient.
But despite speaking up for herself, the trauma of being disrespected and denied the right to be herself, triggered her survival mode. All the things she could do with ease soon became overwhelming. That was almost nine months ago.
More mental health support came on-board. But there are still ups and downs.
She felt lonely a few nights ago but she didn’t deny her feelings. She didn’t hide it. She cried for the loneliness and for the years of denying her true self. You can learn more about isolation here Bullying & Beyond…A victim’s abject loneliness.
She cried while we were away, only showing us a glimpse when we returned. But a glimpse is enough to show us that she has turned a corner because now she is beginning to listen to and acknowledge how she feels. She is learning to externalise how she feels instead of internalising the pain. That is a big step and an important lesson!
We can also learn a lesson from her new, trainee Psychiatric Assistance Dog, Doris.
Doris saw Emma’s upset. Doris didn’t deny her. The opposite in fact, Dorris, a little puppy, stretched herself across our daughter’s lap and kissed and licked her. Dorris accepted Emma exactly as she was.
Have you been denied the right to be yourself? Do you deny yourself? What supports can you access to build your resilience and be your true self?
Highest achievers?
The results of Ireland’s Leaving Certificate State Exam were released on the 13th of August.
This exam is the culmination of five years of study and it holds the key to the future of many students.
For months before the exams, which are held each year in June, two things happen.
1. Some students don’t cast the upcoming exams a thought.
2. Some students stress themselves to the point of mental and physical distress over sitting these exams.
For weeks before the results are released in August, two things happen.
1. Some students don’t cast the upcoming results a thought.
2. Some students stress themselves out worrying about the outcome or points they will achieve.
And that is the story of life.
The students at 1. above, takes things in their stride, they do not struggle with their emotions or become anxious.
The students at 2. above, are predisposed to an anxious nature. They struggle to handle their emotions and cope with stress.
And that is the human story or condition. We are all different, in how we see the world and how we cope in the world.
The Leaving Certificate acknowledges the high achievers and rightly so! It tabulates the results and rewards students accordingly. It is a grading system. It however, fails to grade students on how they function and cope emotionally or psychologically.
So please consider a few important things.
1. Look past the A4 sheet of Academic Outcomes and see that each student, teenager, boy, girl, non-gender, behind the A4 grading system is individual, unique, different and consider how they truly feel. They may not be the highest achiever in maths or biology but they might be the highest achiever in resilience or mental health management.
2. Don’t compare them to others. It doesn’t matter what their friends or peers got. Don’t expect them to get the same results. Do expect them to react or cope in very different ways and be there for them, if their world falls apart. Be calm, be capable and let them see that by supporting each other this will all work out!
3. If you are a teacher or parent and your student, son or daughter haven’t reached the exam stage yet, then make the most of it! Tell them, right the way through school, how unique and different they are. Watch out for and acknowledge their high achievements, whether it is academic or simply turning in for school. Remind them that they have numerous talents, some of which will be uncovered academically and many, many more which will only surface when they study at the college of life!
Le grà,
Mindfully Marie xx