
In my previous post on bullying I shared some listening tips I found helpful Read it here
Another important aspect of listening, when bullying is an issue for you or your children, is listening to what your own body is telling you.
When you are stressed you might notice that you behave in ways that are out of character. Examples could include cancelling a day out with a friend, missing time at work or increasing your consumption of food or drink, as a source of comfort. You might realise you feel anxious and ready to snap at those around you. If this sounds very familiar then self-care is the answer.
There is a well known saying… “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.” No matter how tough we think we are, any on-going, distressing situation can wear down our resilience and make us want to run as far away as possible from the upset. I’ve been there, many times, when I felt helpless to improve the situation for both our children. I felt totally stressed and unable to concentrate on other aspects of my life.
Thankfully I realised the importance of self-care. I realised I could not be a source of support to others if I did not look after my own health and welfare first.
To be your best self and function at peak capability, particularly at a time of crisis, YOU need to make time and space for YOU.
I can’t emphasise enough, the importance of that last sentence! Self-care might initially involve some professional counselling support for you or your child. Finding a Counsellor or Psychologist experienced in the area of bullying, and building a positive relationship based on trust, will be the corner-stone to making progress.
Another important part of self-care is finding ways to forget your worries. Part of the reason why I developed this blog and called it “Create Space” was to “create” some “space” for me, to zone out from my concerns, and focus instead on my interests and the positives in my life. This creative space helped me recharge. I forgot my worries and built my resilience!
Try to find what lights your fire, whether it is joining a yoga class or having coffee with a friend. Try a walk in the fresh air if you can’t think of anything that would brighted your day. Self-care will nurture your inner child, lift your spirit, help you put things into perspective and clear your head to enable you consider new solutions.
Remember to practice Self-care! Better still practice “Self-care, times 10!”
I hope you found this helpful or maybe you know someone who might find it helpful. I’d love to hear your thoughts. What happens when you neglect self-care? What’s the last thing you did for fun? How does having “me” time make you feel and why would you recommend it?
Le grà,
Mindfully Marie xx
December 14, 2018 at 11:09 pm
Such an important thing to remember and make sure we all practice, because self-care isn’t indulgent or selfish, it’s necessarily. I love that you’ve shown the different aspects to it, including finding a way to get some space from your stresses and finding things that ‘light your fire’. Great post, Marie! xx
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December 15, 2018 at 1:11 am
Thanks Caz, I really appreciate you and your constant visits. It takes a lot of effort to read and respond but it really does mean a lot! I’m glad you were able to take something from ny post. Xx
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December 15, 2018 at 3:33 am
Yes, we need to get past the idea of self care being selfish, it’s not! It is extremely important for not only our own wellbeing but the wellbeing of our marriages & families.
Blessings, Jennifer
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December 15, 2018 at 8:28 am
I’m delighted you point out and reinforce the importance of wellbeing Jennifer. It’s being integrated into school curriculum in Ireland as anxiety is evident at a younger age.
Self care has a domino effect and when parents practice and model self care, then their children benefit from their parents’ ability to cope, to be hopeful, to be confident, to have courage. In summary children experience the benefit of their parents’ resilience.
Actually, when it comes to resilience I’d even stress the importance of “faking it until you make it” to display as calm and capable a front as possible, because when parents display an attitude that “it’s all ok,” it can reassure a child that “it’s all ok” . Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us Jennifer. Xx
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December 15, 2018 at 6:58 am
Marie you write so well … I’ve written plenty of posts on self-care and resilience but you have summed it all up and highlighted the crucial bits … well done!
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December 15, 2018 at 8:36 am
Kate, you are so kind for reading and giving me such positive feedback and encouragement! If I’m honest I sometimes wonder about the most appealing word count for a post. Bloggers follow and read so many bloggers and our time is in limited supply. Sometimes I wonder if 500 words is bordering on too long and boring! My warmest wishes to you Kate for your lovely company on my journey! Xx
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December 15, 2018 at 8:54 am
yes I tend to keep my posts very short … maybe that’s why I attract the followers … not too much time or concentration 🙂
But your Bully series is evolving into something that could be in a magazine or newspaper column … please check out what is available locally or via the education dept as this is a real issue for too many and you narrative is crucial, constructive and clear!
Marie please take it on somewhere else?
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December 15, 2018 at 9:04 am
I really appreciate your belief in me Kate. I am gaining from each post I write and feel the right path will open up for me as I continue my journey but on the back of your endorsement I will consider some possible options! Much love, Marie xx
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December 15, 2018 at 9:06 am
oh good as this is very important and the more people spreading the word in such a skilful manner is essential, thanks Marie xx
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December 15, 2018 at 6:05 pm
That’s a very good point! It’s impossible to take care of someone else’s needs (physical or emotional) without also taking care of yourself. You need self-care in order to be strong!
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December 15, 2018 at 6:43 pm
Thank you Ann for joining in and adding your thoughts. I’m glad you agree. I think the more we look after our own needs the better equipt we are to meet the needs of those around us.
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December 15, 2018 at 10:17 pm
Another important post Marie. Self care is something I am very bad at when things are bad. I know myself well enough to know that the days I least feel like going to the gym or being sociable are exactly the days I most benefit from them. Loving this series.x
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December 15, 2018 at 10:44 pm
Thank you so much Darren for your encouragement and I’m glad you’re enjoying these posts! I often find myself resisting going out because of tiredness or low mood but everytime I’ve challenged and overcome that negative mindset I’ve had a really enjoyable time. Social connectedness is so vital to wellbeing.
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December 17, 2018 at 10:13 pm
well said – & tx for helpin to raise awareness
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December 17, 2018 at 10:56 pm
Thank you so much Da-Al, for reading, for all your likes and your encouraging feedback. I’d like nothing better than to help raise awareness. Warm Irish hugs. Marie xx
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December 23, 2018 at 5:07 am
❤
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December 18, 2018 at 7:01 am
I would go to our backyard at home and read Enid Blyton all afternoon in the weekends. Indulging in the fantasy, the adventure, the magic of faraway lands, helped me forget the bullying at school and my mother somehow understood this was my time and I mustn’t be bothered for I was truly happy after that. My father would ask of why wouldn’t I join the other kids for a game of cricket but I was, still am, horrible at sports and that was another reason why I avoided the playground. My mother understood.
I keep looking forward to your posts. They are so well-written 🙂
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December 18, 2018 at 2:41 pm
I’m delighted to hear you found a lovely way to distract yourself from the upset of bullying Parikhit. It probably helped recharge your resilience. Many children are pressure by parents to be good at sports, but parents sometimes just don’t take the time to realise that children are not clones. I’m glad your mother understood. Her understanding was probably another reason why you coped as well as you did.
I’m so glad you find my posts well written and I can’t acknowledge enough how encouraging it is to know you “keep looking forward to my posts”. Thank you for reading and sharing your experience and thoughts Parakhit! Xx
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December 19, 2018 at 5:36 am
‘But parents sometimes just don’t take the time to realise that children are not clones.’ True. May be it a peer pressure or may be it is manifested as wanting the best for your children although a parent’s best may not be a child’s.
Your posts are so informative and strike the right chord 🙂
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December 19, 2018 at 9:31 am
Hi Parikhit, well said! The peer pressure I think is sociatal norms passed on from generation to generation. In Ireland it is often the case that intellectual (book) education is valued over any other intelligence such as a love of nature or cookery. Parents can fall into the habit of judging themselves and their children on how they perceive their neighbours to be achieving. Comparing ourselves to others is not a recipe for success. Thanks again for your positive feedback and should you see any area that would benefit from constructive feedback, I would be grateful for same.
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December 19, 2018 at 4:45 pm
Yes. I think, now, things are much better. Parents have begun realising what will make their children happier. One day at a time I guess. Although there are parents who still coerce their children into things the latter are uncomfortable with, but they need to be sensitised and shown it’s the happiness and goodness that both matter.
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December 19, 2018 at 4:51 pm
I agree, things are improving! Very true, happiness and goodness are far more important!
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December 26, 2018 at 10:39 pm
I add my congratulations to the many positive comments for this series. You help to raise awareness and provide valuable advice. Bravo!
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December 26, 2018 at 11:15 pm
Thank you Dominique, I really appreciate your feedback and good wishes! If I can help one parent or family feel less isolated or distressed I will be happy. Xx
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December 26, 2018 at 11:48 pm
I am sure you have helped a lot more than just one family, Marie. Your advice is useful to all and applies to many other difficult circumstances that people can live. xoxo
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December 27, 2018 at 12:12 am
Thank you Dominique, you are so kind! The blogging community is a great space! It gives us the opportunity to connect, contribute and realise that we all face difficult and often similar circumstances. We can come to realise that we are more alike than different and this gives us the courage we need to face up to challenges. Thanks again for joining in the conversation!! Xx
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December 27, 2018 at 12:21 am
You are so right. I couldn’t have said it better. Believe me, It is always a pleasure to chat with you Marie. If only there were more than 24 hours in a day!
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April 7, 2019 at 2:58 pm
You are so right about self-care! It’s hard to remember to take care of ourselves when we’re dealing with the trauma of our loved ones, but that’s also the time it is most important to do it. Because we can’t help anyone if we’re worn to a frazzle.
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April 7, 2019 at 5:55 pm
You summed it up perfectly Ann…
“Because we can’t help anyone if we’re worn to a frazzle” yet we forget so quickly how important it is to care for ourselves and try to keep ourselves in peak form!
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April 7, 2019 at 5:59 pm
You summed it up perfectly Ann…”that’s also the time it is most important” and
“Because we can’t help anyone if we’re worn to a frazzle” Sadly so true! Thanks for adding to the conversation. Xx
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May 3, 2019 at 1:37 pm
I can burnout if I don’t take time out for my own self-care.
That self-care is my time which ranges from just sitting in quiet, colouring, listen to music, mugs of tea, or walking out in nature, remembering to breathe in the fresh air and observe what’s around me, smelling the air.
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July 21, 2019 at 8:32 am
Good advice… Hard to follow for some.
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July 21, 2019 at 8:55 am
True, I’ve been there so I agree but with repeated effort and practice we can make positive changes! Thanks for your visit and joining in the conversation, am I correct in saying TL?
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July 21, 2019 at 8:59 am
I like your posts and try to join in, when my antisocial behavior allows, lol. I’m sorry, what does TL mean?
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July 21, 2019 at 3:53 pm
Thank you, I appreciate your positive feedback! You do a great job joining in, I always like your visits. Apologies for the confusion, I thought you sign off your posts as TL, I sign mine Marie.
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July 21, 2019 at 7:29 pm
Oh, lol… I sign my poems and such T.L Stafford… Sorry… I was slow on the uptake.
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July 21, 2019 at 7:31 pm
Better a little T.L late than never! Lol, sorry really bad joke!
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July 21, 2019 at 8:45 pm
Hahaha… it was funny
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July 21, 2019 at 10:52 pm
Glad it made you laugh T.L!
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July 21, 2019 at 8:35 pm
Self care is absolutely essential! Without it, I get cranky and depressed. And it can be so simple: just reading a book, taking a walk, even getting a manicure. Whatever I feel in need of at that moment to recharge my batteries and deal with the day’s chores!
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July 21, 2019 at 10:51 pm
Great and simple suggestions Ann, it’s so important to nurture ourselves, that way we have the energy to watch out for the welfare of others.
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