
In my previous post…Bullying & Beyond…2.Really Listen!…I wrote about the importance of Listening. When somebody, be it a child or an adult, is distressed as a result of bullying, just having somebody who is willing to listen to them can make a huge difference to how they feel. Your first reaction may be to rush in and immediately solve everything but instead be patient and listen.
Here are some simple tips I found helpful,
1.Acknowledge your child’s emotional state -say that you can see how upset, angry etc., they are.
2.Remove or resist any distractions.
3.Make sure you can clearly hear what your child is saying.
4. Focus your attention and concentrate.
5. Be patient, listen to the whole story.
6. Make encouraging, agreeable sounds to show you are paying attention…’mmm,’ ‘I see,’ ‘oh right’.
7. Avoid making judgements – take time to consider before offering solutions.
8. Ask questions to clarify.
9. Keep an open mind.
10. Summarise or sum up what you heard, ‘so the main problem was’ or ‘if I understand properly you feel…’ to let them know you understand exactly.
Remember to pay attention to their tone of voice and observe their body language, which can give you insights or hidden messages which they may not be able to voice.
If you agree on any particular course of action or efforts to address the issue, be sure and follow through. Listening needs to be followed up with action, even if it’s only arranging follow-up conversations. If you fail to follow-through, your child may get the impression that what they have confided in you, just goes in one ear and out the other.
For any victim of bullying, building and maintaining trust is so important and this can’t happen unless you stick to your word.
I hope you find this helpful. Please feel free to share any experience you have had which would have benefitted from active and effective listening.
Alternatively please share some effective approaches you have used. I would love to learn what worked for you.
Much love,
Mindfully Marie xx
December 7, 2018 at 10:17 pm
great to break it down into simple easy steps … you are doing this so well!
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December 7, 2018 at 10:51 pm
Thank you Kate, that’s helpful to know!
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December 8, 2018 at 4:16 am
you’re most welcome Marie!
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December 8, 2018 at 5:19 pm
So much important information here. And so “action-able”! Thank you, xo
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December 8, 2018 at 7:29 pm
Thank you Andrea, I appreciate your feedback and encouragement. Hope you have a restful and enjoyable weekend in the lead-up to Christmas break. Xx
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December 9, 2018 at 3:41 am
I always used to take each of my daughters on a “Mum” date individually to have one on one time with just them & I. Most times these were simple treats at a cafe or walk along the beach etc…
But it gave them a time of my uninterrupted (you know what family life can be like when all together) & undivided attention & an opportunity for deep & meaningful chats ;-).
Blessings,
Jennifer
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December 9, 2018 at 9:15 am
I love this idea Jennifer and am glad to hear how well it worked! It was something I found effective and would encourage all parents to practice with their children from a young age. It stopped working for us when the impact of bullying caused school refusal and a retreat away from family time. Thankfully professional support, acceptance, patience & love allowed space and time for healing to happen. Xx
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December 9, 2018 at 6:58 pm
Such valuable information here. Thank you so much! There is so much bullying today that all of us must take affirmative action to lessen it.
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December 9, 2018 at 7:06 pm
I agree AmyRose, we can make a difference! Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts. Xx
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December 11, 2018 at 10:02 pm
Great post Marie😊.
Since we last spoke about this topic I have been thinking about my own experiences and I think there is a tendency to victim-blame by some parents. Saying things like ‘What did you do to provoke them?’, ‘Some people are just natural victims’, ‘Why not try fitting in and being more like the rest?’ were all things said to me by my parents and by teaching staff. Hopefully I do not need to point out that these things are not helpful😊
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December 13, 2018 at 10:11 am
It is so important to listen 🙂 Listening without a hint of prejudice makes it so easier to connect and communicate 🙂
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December 13, 2018 at 5:48 pm
Very true! Listening is a challenge but listening without preconceived beliefs is a greater challenge! Thanks Parikhit for reading and sharing your opinion.
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March 30, 2019 at 9:09 pm
So much love, this is great, thank you🦋
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March 30, 2019 at 9:35 pm
Love, the unconditional kind overcomes everything! Xx
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March 31, 2019 at 11:49 pm
One rule: don’t bully anybody and don’t let anybody bullies u.
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April 1, 2019 at 8:58 am
A great rule. So true! Sadly easier in writing than in action…but I’m on a journey to find out more!
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April 1, 2019 at 9:03 am
Easy . Fight back.
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April 1, 2019 at 9:13 am
For some people, thankfully that has worked.
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July 14, 2019 at 7:00 am
Very inspiring and profound post, Marie. Bullying is the worst today in India again a boy from a poor community committed suicide because of ragging.
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July 14, 2019 at 8:09 am
Thank you Kamal. Can you explain ragging, I don’t believe I’ve heard of that form of bullying and to clarify for other readers who visit my post. The sad fact is another child has been driven to opt out of life because he was denied the right to be himself and to live in peace. The lack of respect for this innocent soul makes me want to cry. My only wish is that he is now at peace. Thank you Kamal for your constant, endearing warm-hearted company. It means a lot as the aftermath of bullying on mental health continues for our daughter. Xx
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July 14, 2019 at 9:06 am
Bullying is a another form of ragging, Marie and this is not the first time that so many youngsters have taken their lives. It is very sad but all this takes place where the children can’t bear it and take the last step
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July 14, 2019 at 2:14 pm
Thanks for clarifying that for me Kamal.
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July 14, 2019 at 2:17 pm
Welcome Marie 😊😊😊😊
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July 14, 2019 at 9:10 am
Yes and sometimes children take it with them for life but somehow Marie the children then require a lot of confidence from their family and counseling too and then it is upto them also that surrender and say to themselves k this happened to me and I know that it was not good at all but do I want to come out of this or suffer my whole life. I know it is not easy to talk because what the chil has gone through he or she only may not but they have to fight and approach their positive thoughts and prayers and work on them every day
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July 17, 2019 at 2:03 pm
These are simple and easy ways to really listen well to someone who is a victim of bullying. And as a parent and a teacher myself i have let say mastered this art of listening over the years..knowing the “red flags” even when no one is speaking..
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July 17, 2019 at 6:33 pm
It takes years of practice and I’m still learning Mich!
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March 19, 2020 at 10:57 pm
These are really great tips for listening, for anyone, any age. Thank you. Xx
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March 20, 2020 at 9:20 am
Glad you think these are helpful Miriam, thank you! Xx
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