When your child is being bullied at school, it is important to reach out and find professional support. There is a lot of qualified support out there but it is very important to find a counsellor that you and/or your child can relate to. The trust you build with your counsellor is vital to the healing process.
Shame is an important aspect of bullying and an aspect I’d like to raise awareness of. Teachers carry a heavy task, large class sizes and a wide variety of needs to be met but I think it’s important, for parents and teachers, to be very aware that children remember shaming remarks and wear them like a label, long after the event. The emotional growth of children is stunted if they are shamed in front of their siblings or peers.
I’d like to share a post from the blog of Jim O’Shea, Counsellor. http://www.jimoshea.net/shaming-children-leaves-a-lasting-impact-and-gives-them-core-shame-which-they-bring-into-adult-life/
This experienced and knowledgeable gentleman played an important part in providing insights that helped us heal our family. Of course when you gain insights from counselling, you can choose to learn from them and use them to heal your family or if you so wish, not learn from them or use them. At the end of the day, the path you choose is up to you…
Le grà,
Mindfully Marie xx
Shaming children leaves a lasting impact and gives them core shame which they bring into adult life
Shaming remarks made to children under twelve have a more drastic and permanent impact that can become core because, like parents, teachers spend a lot of time with them, and the frequency of these remarks is a key element in laying the crop of shame. A combination of parental and teaching shaming is particularly damaging and reinforces the sense of not being good enough in the child. We can choose not to shame any child. Education is not just about intellectual or cognitive development, it must include emotional nourishment as well, which is facilitated by praise and allowing children the space to interact with each other. So, I will leave this part of the blog with a simple poem by an unknown poet on the practical difference between shame and praise –
“I’ve got 2 A’s” the small boy cried,
His voice was filled with glee
His father very bluntly asked
“Why did you not get three?”
“I’ve mowed the grass” the tall boy said
“And put the mower away”.
His father asked him with a shrug,
“Did you clean off the clay?
“Mom, I’ve got the dishes done,”
The girl called from the door.
Her mother very calmly said
“And did you sweep the floor?”
The children in the house next door
Seemed happy and content.
The same things happened over there,
But this is how it went:
“I’ve got 2 A’s the small boy cried,
His voice was filled with glee.
His father very proudly said
“That’s great! I’m glad you live with me.”
“I’ve mowed the grass,” the tall boy said
“And put the mower away,”
His father answered with much joy,
“You’ve made my happy day”
“Mom, I’ve got the dishes done”
The girl called from the door.
Her mother smiled and softly said,
“Each day I love you more.”
Children need encouragement
For tasks they’re asked to do
If they’re to lead a happy life,
So much depends on you.
Create Space 
August 16, 2019 at 10:40 pm
Very insightful post and really love this poem … says so much!
Be grateful for every little thing
and your heart will sing!
Put others down
and we all wear a frown …
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August 17, 2019 at 4:37 am
I love your poem Kate, says so much in a small few words! X
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August 17, 2019 at 7:23 am
that’s me Marie ❤
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August 17, 2019 at 11:20 am
This is an extremely sensitive issue. I’m happy you took it. When I was in school, I used to be bullied by a group of classmates. It was a horrible experience. Even if I recall it now, I feel disgusted. I have grown up. I feel more strength now, but what it feels is still horrible.
And with that I can say, you have written this really well. Keep writing…
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August 17, 2019 at 1:10 pm
I’m always happy when readers share their thoughts on my posts and I am grateful to hear that my post resonated with you. In a recent post entitled Bullying & Beyond…Denial, I touch upon that feeling of being brought right back to the event, even years later. I can empathise with how you feel as a result of my daughter’s experience. Try to remember the issue was with the bullies, not you! Be proud of yourself and be extra kind to yourself, you are right when you say you have “grown up” and it proves how resilient you are! I hope you can find strategies that bring you to a place of peace. Le grà, Marie
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August 17, 2019 at 8:42 pm
Thank you so much Marie, for being soo encouraging. Thanks a lot. You know I never knew words could be so helpful. Your daughter is actually blessed to have you. An aware and supportive mother is a blessing.
Always be the same. I hope you keep spreading strength and positivity everywhere like this. Thank you 🙏💛
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August 17, 2019 at 9:06 pm
I hope you will continue to visit, read and share some feedback on my posts and I hope my words continue to be helpful. Thank you soooo much too for your affirming words! Have a great weekend. X
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August 18, 2019 at 2:30 am
Of course. See before I even read your comment here, I had already read 2 beautiful posts written by you. Loving your content, thoughts and words… 👌👌
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August 18, 2019 at 5:10 am
Delighted to hear that! I’m glad they resonated with you.
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August 18, 2019 at 12:55 pm
Thanks for sharing the other article, the poem is a really good way of also showing how you can make children feel as though what they do (and they themselves by extension) is never enough. I think shame is something that can be overt or subtle, but the effects can definitely last for years later and likely come out in other ways as you go through adulthood. Another very poignant post, Marie!
Caz xx
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August 18, 2019 at 2:26 pm
Caz I’m glad you found the poem and Jim’s post thought provoking, it really spoke to me. I think shame can embed itself deep within and present in many unexpected ways such as an inner critic, always knocking our efforts or putting ourselves down or being suspicious of praise from others and expecting a hidden agenda. Thanks for your constant encouragement, you add greatly to my posts. Xx
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