Time and the right conditions not only preserve but bring about something of beauty – Marie Clancy.
Today I would like to share T.S’s very emotive, true story from his blog “Crazywriterof6.” As I read T.S’s distressing reality, I felt my body became anxious. I felt his apprehension and fear. His sense of loneliness and isolation is palpable. He says… “Maybe some of you can relate and see that even then, you weren’t alone”. No child should be in dread every day, isolated and living with the fear of bullying!
In my last post I wrote about the difficulty I had in supporting my children, both victims of bullying, because of the pressure on victims to remain silent. You might like to read it… Big Boys…Don’t Cry!
We now hear in T.S’s own words, his deeply ingrained and debilitating belief as to why he was bullied… “The torture continued. Many moments before this event, many after. I have written some of them out, just to get them out. All this because I was different than the “normal people”, different from what society says I should be. Different because I was overweight”. I believe he was not different… everybody is different and everybody has the right to be respected for who and how they are.
Please enhance your understanding by reading his story…
At a funeral yesterday, one sentence struck me, that sentence was “We could all be better people,” meaning we could all do more to be there for others.
Let’s break down the silence and begin a cross cultural, worldwide conversation about bullying. Let’s educate ourselves and our children about bullying and let’s tear down out-dated social norms.
Hi... failte (Irish for welcome! and pronounced fall-thhha).
I'm a newbie to blogging, here just over a year, but what a great year it has been!
I've turned the corner to 50 recently and two things become more relevant...time and experiences!
Material possessions are less important! Using time wisely and truly experiencing each day holds a new significance for me!
If you wish..., a little of the back story...
I''m blessed to be married to a kind and loving man for 28 years, we have two children now 19 and 21.
As I approached 40 and searching for something more, whilst holding down my then part-time legal secretarial work, I trained as a voluntary adult literacy tutor, with the hope of helping adults improve their literacy skills and have a second, and better experience of learning!
However, little did I think that wanting to help others improve their lives would see my own life improve beyond measure also!
You see for years I found it difficult to know what to do as I watched our two children suffer at the hands of bullies. Their struggle began to change when I returned to education! Through education I slowly gained valuable knowledge, I grew in confidence and self-esteme and it had a ripple effect!
By 2014, aged 47 I had completed a Higher Certificate in Literacy Development and a B.A. in Adult Education. I love my work as an adult educator, particularly when adults trust me enough to let down their defences and 'let me in'. Then I can help them by getting to know what makes them 'tic' and what 'lights their fire!'.
As an added bonus along the way I've realised that I also have a love of writing and that writing is cathartic (providing psychological relief through written expression of built up emotions), both for my students and myself. This blog enables me to pursue that new-found interest and I've really enjoying reading your blogs, sharing comments, getting to know so many people and gaining new perspectives. I also like to share any little 'gems' of learning I've gathered along the way!
Thanks for sharing your stories and for helping me realise that it is all possible...and that together we write a truly better story!
Much love,
Marie x
for me that was just so unbelievable yet I’ve heard news reports of such beatings … it’s just so wrong that horrified me! That’s assault causing grievous bodily harm .. that’s well past bullying Marie 😦
I sincerely believe he should be pressing charges, naming and shaming …. their children need to know what their fathers did at school!
Often the children of bullies are also bullies. It seems that in Ireland a new approach where its a win – win on both sides is what’s being encouraged. I’m only uncovering information as I go. Naming, shaming, punishing have not worked!!
I just read his post Marie. What a heartbreaking story. Bullying is such a pervasive problem now, and you’re right; we need to educate ourselves and put a stop to it. Sending hugs!
Thank you Terri and I agree, how soul destroying school was for T.S, and it sadly can leave a permanent scar. I appreciate your heartfelt encouragement. We can each of us make a small difference! Warm hugs. Marie x
Nobody should have to endure such trauma and it can have long-term consequences. Brenda but you are right we can and should work our influence. Thanks for visiting!
Thank you so much for what you said. It is hard to express everything that happens and the emotions that come with it. The understanding that some people need help and just can’t stand up for themselves. Or the fact that they shouldn’t have to endure a reason to do so in regard to such harassment. My heart breaks for every child or even adult that have to go through such an ordeal…
Thank you, everyone, for reading the story and your kind words.
I have to honestly say, to point fingers, to name names. To bring it all back, it makes my fingers shake thinking about it. I don’t think I’m that brave…
T.S, thank you for allowing me share your experience at the hands of bullies. I know your story will help people who have never been bullied to feel what it is really like. I hope it also helps parents watch out for signs of their children being bullied or to make sure to encourage their children to normalise standing up to bullies or standing together against bullies when they see another child being victimised.
It might be cathartic for you to consider your options by talking to a professional, maybe a good Counsellor or Psychologist could guide you, were you to consider facing your aggressors.
What we are not today we can be tomorrow! Thank you again T.S. for helping start this conversation. Le grà, Marie xx
Mindsets need changing not just in the school systems but in the home.
Child bullies often come from homes where bullying exists. The bully is being abused by their own family or are witnessing domestic violence & abuse.
Our schools here in Australia have very strict policies on bullying but very sadly it still happens…which is NOT okay.
Blessings,
Jennifer
Glad you agree Jennifer and yes bullies themselves usually have problems which they are struggling to cope with. They often cope by becoming superior and inflicting pain on others but this behaviour is not ok and should not be accepted as the norm by schools, society or their peers. We need to ask what is behind their misguided behaviour and they need support to help them address their issues. Children or adolescents who bully often continue to be aggressors as they become adults. Thank you for visiting Jennifer and adding to our conversation. Le grà, Marie
Thank you for sharing!… perhaps in order to understand the behavior of a bully, one needs to go to the bully’s origins…as they say; “the apple doesn’t fall very far from the tree”… 🙂
“Find out who you are and be that person. That’s what your spirit was put on this Earth to be. Find that truth, live that truth and everything else will come.” Ellen DeGeneres
Just a quick response saying I support you all the way, Marie. This subject of bullying really needs to be addressed and action taken. However, I could not read T.S’s story, not right now. I’m not able to do so emotionally wise.
I’m glad you practiced self-care Amy and have developed that vital awareness of your emotional state! Thank you for your support, I really appreciate it! X
It’s what we all need Amy, simple non-judgemental understanding and it’s something I am trying my best to practice and improve upon. You have a responsibility to you first and foremost before anyone else and we all have that same responsibility! Thank you for your visits and shared thoughts! xx
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January 19, 2019 at 7:37 pm
wow that’s a strong call to arms Marie!
If you changed your blog address I will need new links for that interview please?
Off to read his post now!
LikeLike
January 20, 2019 at 9:53 am
Kate, when you read his post you’ll understand how I felt and you know me and technology. ree-creates.com
LikeLiked by 2 people
January 20, 2019 at 8:07 pm
for me that was just so unbelievable yet I’ve heard news reports of such beatings … it’s just so wrong that horrified me! That’s assault causing grievous bodily harm .. that’s well past bullying Marie 😦
I sincerely believe he should be pressing charges, naming and shaming …. their children need to know what their fathers did at school!
LikeLiked by 2 people
January 20, 2019 at 10:05 pm
Often the children of bullies are also bullies. It seems that in Ireland a new approach where its a win – win on both sides is what’s being encouraged. I’m only uncovering information as I go. Naming, shaming, punishing have not worked!!
LikeLiked by 2 people
January 20, 2019 at 10:49 pm
That’s interesting Marie .. I’ve not heard of any naming and shaming in bullying, it seems to be working to some degree in the #metoo campaign …
LikeLiked by 2 people
January 20, 2019 at 12:57 am
I just read his post Marie. What a heartbreaking story. Bullying is such a pervasive problem now, and you’re right; we need to educate ourselves and put a stop to it. Sending hugs!
LikeLiked by 2 people
January 20, 2019 at 9:59 am
Thank you Terri and I agree, how soul destroying school was for T.S, and it sadly can leave a permanent scar. I appreciate your heartfelt encouragement. We can each of us make a small difference! Warm hugs. Marie x
LikeLiked by 2 people
January 20, 2019 at 2:18 pm
Wow, poor TS, such trauma he endured. It makes me sad. We all can and should be better in our own sphere of influence. Thank you for the reminder!
LikeLiked by 2 people
January 20, 2019 at 10:00 pm
Nobody should have to endure such trauma and it can have long-term consequences. Brenda but you are right we can and should work our influence. Thanks for visiting!
LikeLiked by 2 people
January 21, 2019 at 3:16 pm
Thank you so much for what you said. It is hard to express everything that happens and the emotions that come with it. The understanding that some people need help and just can’t stand up for themselves. Or the fact that they shouldn’t have to endure a reason to do so in regard to such harassment. My heart breaks for every child or even adult that have to go through such an ordeal…
Thank you, everyone, for reading the story and your kind words.
I have to honestly say, to point fingers, to name names. To bring it all back, it makes my fingers shake thinking about it. I don’t think I’m that brave…
LikeLiked by 1 person
January 21, 2019 at 7:14 pm
T.S, thank you for allowing me share your experience at the hands of bullies. I know your story will help people who have never been bullied to feel what it is really like. I hope it also helps parents watch out for signs of their children being bullied or to make sure to encourage their children to normalise standing up to bullies or standing together against bullies when they see another child being victimised.
It might be cathartic for you to consider your options by talking to a professional, maybe a good Counsellor or Psychologist could guide you, were you to consider facing your aggressors.
What we are not today we can be tomorrow! Thank you again T.S. for helping start this conversation. Le grà, Marie xx
LikeLiked by 1 person
January 23, 2019 at 12:26 am
Mindsets need changing not just in the school systems but in the home.
Child bullies often come from homes where bullying exists. The bully is being abused by their own family or are witnessing domestic violence & abuse.
Our schools here in Australia have very strict policies on bullying but very sadly it still happens…which is NOT okay.
Blessings,
Jennifer
LikeLiked by 1 person
January 23, 2019 at 8:58 am
Glad you agree Jennifer and yes bullies themselves usually have problems which they are struggling to cope with. They often cope by becoming superior and inflicting pain on others but this behaviour is not ok and should not be accepted as the norm by schools, society or their peers. We need to ask what is behind their misguided behaviour and they need support to help them address their issues. Children or adolescents who bully often continue to be aggressors as they become adults. Thank you for visiting Jennifer and adding to our conversation. Le grà, Marie
LikeLiked by 1 person
January 23, 2019 at 11:22 pm
Agreed Marie!
LikeLiked by 1 person
January 27, 2019 at 2:41 pm
Thank you for sharing!… perhaps in order to understand the behavior of a bully, one needs to go to the bully’s origins…as they say; “the apple doesn’t fall very far from the tree”… 🙂
“Find out who you are and be that person. That’s what your spirit was put on this Earth to be. Find that truth, live that truth and everything else will come.” Ellen DeGeneres
LikeLiked by 1 person
August 11, 2019 at 6:08 pm
Just a quick response saying I support you all the way, Marie. This subject of bullying really needs to be addressed and action taken. However, I could not read T.S’s story, not right now. I’m not able to do so emotionally wise.
LikeLiked by 1 person
August 11, 2019 at 6:56 pm
I’m glad you practiced self-care Amy and have developed that vital awareness of your emotional state! Thank you for your support, I really appreciate it! X
LikeLiked by 1 person
August 11, 2019 at 8:26 pm
Thank you for understanding. That means a lot to me! XO
LikeLiked by 1 person
August 12, 2019 at 11:25 am
It’s what we all need Amy, simple non-judgemental understanding and it’s something I am trying my best to practice and improve upon. You have a responsibility to you first and foremost before anyone else and we all have that same responsibility! Thank you for your visits and shared thoughts! xx
LikeLiked by 1 person