Your son or daughter arrives home from school, you know by their mood and verbal and non-verbal behaviour that they are upset. Maybe you notice they are avoiding you, they resist talking to you about their day or they might even tell you lies, pretending there is nothing wrong.
You might witness their mood deteriorating further and that might include them turning their frustration on you by shouting, blaming and generally behaving disrespectfully.
You are likely at this point to notice your temper rising and your patience being tested. This is the crucial moment…try to avoid the hook, try to resist being sucked into the argument. Getting caught up in a two way shouting match serves no purpose!
Try to be mindful that this behaviour is your son or daughter’s way of coping with the upset they are feeling as a result of being bullied.
They are trying to cope by literally tossing some of their upset off themselves and onto you. The very best thing that you can do is avoid becoming emotional.
Instead, calmly and patiently see if you can get to the root of the problem. What is the underlying issue? If the emotional outburst continues, again, calmly but firmly inform your child that you refuse to deal with them while they behave this way and set a time to talk later, when they have calmed down. Then walk away, leave the environment.
Importantly, now is a good time to think of self-care (you might like to read my previous post Here)
Once you have practiced some self-care you will be feeling much calmer and in a better place to help your child.
It is vitally important that at the appointed time or when your child has calmed down that you follow up with them and try to ascertain the difficulty they are having. If you do, you are showing them that their issue is of concern to you. You are also building the most important aspect in your relationship, and that is… trust.
I would like to thank Jennifer @ Tea With Jennifer for this insight which she kindly gave me permission to share with you.
“From a therapist’s viewpoint the behavior of the child is a form of communication, communicating that they are in crisis & can’t verbalize it correctly.
So they start acting out subconsciously, thus bringing attention to the crisis within them. Fear often manifests itself as anger in many especially males.
There are many other great insights to be found at Jennifer’s blog…
Have you ever experienced a situation similar to the above? What happened during it? How did you handle it? Please share, I’d love to hear your experience.
Mindfully Marie xx