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Time and the right conditions not only preserve but bring about something of beauty – Marie Clancy.

In my previous post I said it’s not ok to make excuses for any bullying behaviour,  No Excuse, Pt.1

And yes, I did say that each of those bullies had a difficult back story, or issue of their own…

But I’d like to reiterate, victims are innocent and do not need to make excuses or take ownership of the behaviour of bullies no matter how difficult the bully’s backstory.

But here is the pivotal point… the only way to stamp out bullying…is to identify and understand the bullies misguided goal of behaviour which often show that bullies struggle with low self-esteem. They have learned to consciously or sub-consciously compare themselves to other children and find themselves lacking…

And in order to make up for the lack they see in themselves, they over-compensate, trying to enhance their self-esteem, to move them away from the discomfort of being a “felt minus” (feeling at a disadvantage) to a “felt plus” (feeling good) (Adlerian concepts or ideas), by the only method they know how, which is by putting somebody else down in order to build themselves up

Because… Bullies feel big when they bully others.  But that feeling is short-lived, and soon they slump back to feeling bad again as their self-esteem continues to peak and trough throughout their lives.

In their own eyes they are never good enough so they torment themselves striving for perfection, rushing from one achievement to the next, always needing to be more…trying to be richer, more powerful, thinner…and all the time walking on people to get where they want to go.

Or they will avoid achieving altogether because it’s painful to strive for achievement and end up failing. Failing hurts, it brings a ‘felt minus’ every single time they fail an exam or miss an opportunity in life they compare themselves and their lives to the lives of others. Their physical or mental health may suffer.  They will continue to waste their lives, as they physically or psychologically walk on others…

So the bottom line is that it’s NOT OK to make excuses for bullies and we also need to hold them accountable.

Education is needed to equip them with the correct insights and tools to manage their thoughts and actions…

And to do this, we, the parents, the teachers and the wider community need access to the most up to date research and information that is available on bullying.

So no matter the reason why a bully becomes a bully…it is NOT OK that bullies behave this way…

There is no BUT, there is no EXCUSE

Have you been bullied? Have you access to up to date information and support? Do you feel equipt to deal with bullying?

Le grà,

Mindfully Marie xx