Time and the right conditions not only preserve but bring about something of beauty – Marie Clancy.
I’m not a professionally qualified Counsellor or expert on bullying but I am a mother who has gained knowledge and experienced of bullying through the lives of our two children.
I have as part of my Degree in Adult Education studied the Psychology of Adult Education and Counselling in Adult Education and found both of these extremely helpful in understanding and coping with the situation we found ourselves in.
Our journey through bullying and its after effects spanned two decades (2002 to 2018) and as a result I’d like to offer my support to other parents who struggle with the impact of bullying on their children.
In these posts I’ll try to share some insights we’ve gained. My first…
1. TAKE HEART.
If your child is suffering the effects of bullying and if it is having a negative impact on every member of your family, try to remain calm and show a capable front. I know how upset you feel. I know that the last thing you can comprehend is that it will all work out just fine. But trust me… with determination to support your child, and by practicing self-care, you will reach a place of peace and progression!
I know because we were there and now we’ve reached that place of peace and progression and learned a lot as a result. My son summed up his journey through bullying in a nice quote; you can read about it here…Bullying…”I am grateful for it all”…
I hope you find this helpful. And I hope to write more on the subject of bullying.
Have you or your children experienced bullying? Is bullying still an issue for you or have you reached a place of peace and progression? Please feel free to share your experiences, it could help inform other parents, provide comfort or encourage somebody else through the distress of bullying.
Hi... failte (Irish for welcome! and pronounced fall-thhha).
I'm a newbie to blogging, here just over a year, but what a great year it has been!
I've turned the corner to 50 recently and two things become more relevant...time and experiences!
Material possessions are less important! Using time wisely and truly experiencing each day holds a new significance for me!
If you wish..., a little of the back story...
I''m blessed to be married to a kind and loving man for 28 years, we have two children now 19 and 21.
As I approached 40 and searching for something more, whilst holding down my then part-time legal secretarial work, I trained as a voluntary adult literacy tutor, with the hope of helping adults improve their literacy skills and have a second, and better experience of learning!
However, little did I think that wanting to help others improve their lives would see my own life improve beyond measure also!
You see for years I found it difficult to know what to do as I watched our two children suffer at the hands of bullies. Their struggle began to change when I returned to education! Through education I slowly gained valuable knowledge, I grew in confidence and self-esteme and it had a ripple effect!
By 2014, aged 47 I had completed a Higher Certificate in Literacy Development and a B.A. in Adult Education. I love my work as an adult educator, particularly when adults trust me enough to let down their defences and 'let me in'. Then I can help them by getting to know what makes them 'tic' and what 'lights their fire!'.
As an added bonus along the way I've realised that I also have a love of writing and that writing is cathartic (providing psychological relief through written expression of built up emotions), both for my students and myself. This blog enables me to pursue that new-found interest and I've really enjoying reading your blogs, sharing comments, getting to know so many people and gaining new perspectives. I also like to share any little 'gems' of learning I've gathered along the way!
Thanks for sharing your stories and for helping me realise that it is all possible...and that together we write a truly better story!
Much love,
Marie x
Well said Marie, yes 3 of my grandchildren have been bullied & I was bullied both as a teen & adult.
It actually was the catalyst that redirected my study path into doing a degree with a double major in Psychology & Sociology/Anthropology eventually becoming a Clinical Counselor & Therapist after initially doing my pre med subjects at Uni for entrance into medicine (another story of events to share in a future post).
Blessings,
Jennifer
Thank you Jennifer, it means a lot to have you say so! I’m sorry to hear that 3 of your grandchildren and you yourself have experienced bullying. It is not a pleasant experience but I’m glad to hear it impacted your career choice. Thank you as always for your much welcomed company! Xx
This is such a great post and important subject Marie. Our son experienced some bullying at one point, and at the time I wasn’t even aware of it. He never told us that it was going on, and once he stood up for himself, it stopped. When I found out later it broke my heart though. We always want to protect our children from these things. I think getting them to talk about it is half the battle. Blessings to you sweet friend!
Thank you so much Terri, I really appreciate your encouragement! I am sorry that your son had to go through the upset of bullying but glad he had the self-belief and courage to stand up to the bullying. Our son did likewise but when he stopped one bully others continued. He, like your son didn’t tell us for years as he knew we were struggling to support his older sister. He looked out for her and was always a ray of sunshine, his qualities made him a target, his nature was something the bullies were envious of!
It seems that the good-natured, sensitive people are the ones most often targeted. I’m glad to know your son is doing better and he can see what he gained from the dark times. Blessings to you and your family!
Thank you so much Terri! He has amazed us, moving away from home and negative school experience, embracing college life and really coming into his own! Xx
Thanks Dutch! Yes sadly bullying behaviour appears to have become the norm, a lot of this down to social norms changing because of social media. It is a good quote, but bullies know how to render you voiceless! Thanks for your company!
Only if one lets them.. bullies are nothing without friend and will generally back down if confronted.. they rely on fear to intimidate.. those being bullied have friends also… 🙂 Thanks for being you and sharing a bit of your life with me… 🙂
A wonderful reminder that things can be okay, and it’s that reassurance and comfort that’s so dearly lacking when bullying is involved. I didn’t get support, aside from my parents (“they’re just jealous” and then having to go into school numerous times to talk to the head teacher, who did nothing), so this is invaluable. I’m glad your son made it out the other end and could grow as a result. Some times we just have to hope for good to come of negative things… xx
Thank you Caz, I’m sorry to hear you experienced bullying and ineffective school support. Real empathy and zero tolerance of bullying are both sadly lacking. Just knowing somebody has your corner can make a big difference! Xx
“…you will reach a place of peace and progression” – such a comforting, heartening post and a good reminder because I’m sure that at times this feels impossible. xx
For sure it felt far from possible Caz and for way too long and even now that place of peace and progression can still mean one step forward and two steps back… but at least we’re not static!
Thank you Orchid daughter, it means a lot to me to know my words speak to you! I’m re-posting my earlier posts on a weekly schedule… watch out for another one next Saturday.
Excellent initiative and insight Marie. No doubt in my mind that bullying is still very much a concern, in children and adults alike. There are phases of intimidation where others want to diminish and scare others so they can exert control. Thanks. 🙂
No doubt. We as a society are becoming less tolerant. Where is the mutual respect for one another? We can teach our children and grandchildren, nephews, nieces, and cousins but they are likely the recipients of those who are not taught well.
Sadly I have to agree but I would also teach our own that not everyone is respectful and kind like them, this I’ve had to learn from experience. Thanks for your insightful comments.
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November 25, 2018 at 12:00 am
Well said Marie, yes 3 of my grandchildren have been bullied & I was bullied both as a teen & adult.
It actually was the catalyst that redirected my study path into doing a degree with a double major in Psychology & Sociology/Anthropology eventually becoming a Clinical Counselor & Therapist after initially doing my pre med subjects at Uni for entrance into medicine (another story of events to share in a future post).
Blessings,
Jennifer
LikeLiked by 4 people
November 25, 2018 at 12:21 am
Thank you Jennifer, it means a lot to have you say so! I’m sorry to hear that 3 of your grandchildren and you yourself have experienced bullying. It is not a pleasant experience but I’m glad to hear it impacted your career choice. Thank you as always for your much welcomed company! Xx
LikeLiked by 2 people
March 23, 2019 at 2:36 pm
I am so glad Jennifer that you are now helping others! It does require a lot of empathy and getting inside somebody’s head to really understand.
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November 25, 2018 at 1:25 am
This is such a great post and important subject Marie. Our son experienced some bullying at one point, and at the time I wasn’t even aware of it. He never told us that it was going on, and once he stood up for himself, it stopped. When I found out later it broke my heart though. We always want to protect our children from these things. I think getting them to talk about it is half the battle. Blessings to you sweet friend!
LikeLiked by 5 people
November 25, 2018 at 7:14 am
Thank you so much Terri, I really appreciate your encouragement! I am sorry that your son had to go through the upset of bullying but glad he had the self-belief and courage to stand up to the bullying. Our son did likewise but when he stopped one bully others continued. He, like your son didn’t tell us for years as he knew we were struggling to support his older sister. He looked out for her and was always a ray of sunshine, his qualities made him a target, his nature was something the bullies were envious of!
LikeLiked by 2 people
November 25, 2018 at 7:59 pm
It seems that the good-natured, sensitive people are the ones most often targeted. I’m glad to know your son is doing better and he can see what he gained from the dark times. Blessings to you and your family!
LikeLiked by 2 people
November 25, 2018 at 8:06 pm
Thank you so much Terri! He has amazed us, moving away from home and negative school experience, embracing college life and really coming into his own! Xx
LikeLiked by 2 people
November 25, 2018 at 1:16 pm
Thank you for sharing… there is far too much bullying going on worldwide and unfortunately a good deal of the bullying starts at home…. 🙂
“One’s dignity may be assaulted, vandalized and cruelly mocked, but it can never be taken away unless it is surrendered.” Michael J. Fox
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November 25, 2018 at 1:37 pm
Thanks Dutch! Yes sadly bullying behaviour appears to have become the norm, a lot of this down to social norms changing because of social media. It is a good quote, but bullies know how to render you voiceless! Thanks for your company!
LikeLiked by 1 person
November 25, 2018 at 2:38 pm
Only if one lets them.. bullies are nothing without friend and will generally back down if confronted.. they rely on fear to intimidate.. those being bullied have friends also… 🙂 Thanks for being you and sharing a bit of your life with me… 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
November 26, 2018 at 9:06 am
I will be interested to read more of your posts on the Marie. You know my own story better than many do. x
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November 26, 2018 at 4:33 pm
Thanks so much Darren!
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November 26, 2018 at 11:29 pm
Thanks for sharing Marie. This is such an important topic.
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November 27, 2018 at 4:02 pm
Thank you for saying so, that means a lot to me! Xx
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November 27, 2018 at 8:41 pm
wow from all these comments it’s obvious it has resonated with many already … so it is important to keep sharing, thanks!
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November 27, 2018 at 9:26 pm
Thank you, that means so much. I really appreciate your encouragement!
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November 27, 2018 at 9:33 pm
oh no you must be more confidence than that when you have come through such a toxic situation with a huge win all round!
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November 27, 2018 at 9:45 pm
I am and I also like to acknowledge any positive feedback and encouragement as I think encouraging others is a quality to be appreciated!
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November 27, 2018 at 9:47 pm
I do try my best but once I see people have got it I usually move on to encourage others 🙂
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November 27, 2018 at 9:48 pm
Good approach!
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November 27, 2018 at 10:05 pm
thanks 🙂
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November 28, 2018 at 9:07 am
A wonderful reminder that things can be okay, and it’s that reassurance and comfort that’s so dearly lacking when bullying is involved. I didn’t get support, aside from my parents (“they’re just jealous” and then having to go into school numerous times to talk to the head teacher, who did nothing), so this is invaluable. I’m glad your son made it out the other end and could grow as a result. Some times we just have to hope for good to come of negative things… xx
LikeLiked by 2 people
November 28, 2018 at 2:26 pm
Thank you Caz, I’m sorry to hear you experienced bullying and ineffective school support. Real empathy and zero tolerance of bullying are both sadly lacking. Just knowing somebody has your corner can make a big difference! Xx
LikeLiked by 1 person
March 16, 2019 at 4:07 pm
“…you will reach a place of peace and progression” – such a comforting, heartening post and a good reminder because I’m sure that at times this feels impossible. xx
LikeLiked by 1 person
March 16, 2019 at 9:52 pm
For sure it felt far from possible Caz and for way too long and even now that place of peace and progression can still mean one step forward and two steps back… but at least we’re not static!
LikeLiked by 2 people
March 16, 2019 at 8:01 pm
I lost my words❤️ Keep writing, you reach out to so many people and your words mean a whole world to me, and others out there, thank you❤️🦋
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March 16, 2019 at 10:01 pm
Thank you Orchid daughter, it means a lot to me to know my words speak to you! I’m re-posting my earlier posts on a weekly schedule… watch out for another one next Saturday.
LikeLiked by 2 people
March 17, 2019 at 8:06 am
My pleasure🦋and I looking forward to read❤️
I wish you and your family a lovely day🦋
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March 20, 2019 at 1:39 pm
Excellent initiative and insight Marie. No doubt in my mind that bullying is still very much a concern, in children and adults alike. There are phases of intimidation where others want to diminish and scare others so they can exert control. Thanks. 🙂
LikeLiked by 2 people
March 20, 2019 at 4:51 pm
Sadly as society becomes less tolerant and more judgemental bullying is liable to flourish. Thank you for your encouraging words! Le grà, Marie
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March 20, 2019 at 6:52 pm
No doubt. We as a society are becoming less tolerant. Where is the mutual respect for one another? We can teach our children and grandchildren, nephews, nieces, and cousins but they are likely the recipients of those who are not taught well.
LikeLiked by 2 people
March 20, 2019 at 7:10 pm
Sadly I have to agree but I would also teach our own that not everyone is respectful and kind like them, this I’ve had to learn from experience. Thanks for your insightful comments.
LikeLiked by 1 person
March 20, 2019 at 7:12 pm
True. Thanks for your keen insight as well.
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