Time and the right conditions not only preserve but bring about something of beauty – Marie Clancy.
“It is rare that children with good confidence and self esteem will be the victim of bullying”…so a recent article stated,
Rare…means seldom occurring.
I say beware the word ‘rare‘ which can lull you into a false sense of security…
Rare still happens to someone!
Have you ever stopped to consider how rare is rare?
Consider this… If your children were functioning to the peak of their individual ability at home, in school, and in community life until they were bullied, over an extended period of time, would that tip them into the ‘rare‘ category?
Or would reporting the bullying but being told ‘stand up for yourself,’ ‘build a wall and put it behind you’ or “he needs to be more resilient” be the tipping point into that “rare” category?
Having good confidence and self esteem might make you more effective at dealing with bullying, but if bullying is experienced on an on-going basis, and if it is left unsupported over a long period, it is the DURATION of bullying that, in my experience, overwhelms the victim’s confidence and self esteem and determines the impact of bullying, both short and long term.
The only solution to bullying, is rapid and easyaccess to support and that support must be informed, professional and cohesive. Anything less is unacceptable! You might find some information & support in this post…Bullying & Beyond…20 Knowledge is Power!
What do you think? Please join in this conversation and help others find the support they need, now, and not when it is too late.
Hi... failte (Irish for welcome! and pronounced fall-thhha).
I'm a newbie to blogging, here just over a year, but what a great year it has been!
I've turned the corner to 50 recently and two things become more relevant...time and experiences!
Material possessions are less important! Using time wisely and truly experiencing each day holds a new significance for me!
If you wish..., a little of the back story...
I''m blessed to be married to a kind and loving man for 28 years, we have two children now 19 and 21.
As I approached 40 and searching for something more, whilst holding down my then part-time legal secretarial work, I trained as a voluntary adult literacy tutor, with the hope of helping adults improve their literacy skills and have a second, and better experience of learning!
However, little did I think that wanting to help others improve their lives would see my own life improve beyond measure also!
You see for years I found it difficult to know what to do as I watched our two children suffer at the hands of bullies. Their struggle began to change when I returned to education! Through education I slowly gained valuable knowledge, I grew in confidence and self-esteme and it had a ripple effect!
By 2014, aged 47 I had completed a Higher Certificate in Literacy Development and a B.A. in Adult Education. I love my work as an adult educator, particularly when adults trust me enough to let down their defences and 'let me in'. Then I can help them by getting to know what makes them 'tic' and what 'lights their fire!'.
As an added bonus along the way I've realised that I also have a love of writing and that writing is cathartic (providing psychological relief through written expression of built up emotions), both for my students and myself. This blog enables me to pursue that new-found interest and I've really enjoying reading your blogs, sharing comments, getting to know so many people and gaining new perspectives. I also like to share any little 'gems' of learning I've gathered along the way!
Thanks for sharing your stories and for helping me realise that it is all possible...and that together we write a truly better story!
Much love,
Marie x
Thank you for sharing!.. “It is rare that children with good confidence and self esteem will be the victim of bullying”, that thinking is like stepping outdoors during a thunderstorm thinking one will not get struck by lighting because it is rare that happens… the only way to deal with a bully is for the child to have the love and support and that support actually confronts the bully so that bully knows the child bullied is not alone… 🙂
“It is not the size of the dog in a fight that matters, it is the size of the fight in the dog”.. Mark Twain
I’m delighted to hear your opinion on this point Dutch and agree that the solution is unconditional love and competent support/anti-bullying policy, that assures the victim that they are not alone and also leaves the bully in no doubt that their behaviour is inappropriate and will not be tolerated. It is important too, that it is the behaviour that is seen as maladaptive and not the child/person perpetrating the bullying.
Sadly it is so true Kate, as was our experience. Lip service and empty promises have left scars that are still causing obvious pain to one of our children and intuitively I can’t help but wonder if our other child is fully healed or has applied a very capable bandage to the wound.
some can heal so please don’t doubt him … you have an open relationship so he will tell you if it arises again … often relocation and another interest helps heal 🙂
Thank you Kate, I believe you are right in what you say and 99% of the time I don’t doubt it! He has flourished since he moved to college. Yes, we are close and have open lines of communication, thankfully! He is very philosophical & well read and has had that moment of awakening where he made the conscious choice to change his life. Things will improve for our daughter too, they are and have! Thanks as always for your company. X
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June 14, 2019 at 8:21 pm
Thank you for sharing!.. “It is rare that children with good confidence and self esteem will be the victim of bullying”, that thinking is like stepping outdoors during a thunderstorm thinking one will not get struck by lighting because it is rare that happens… the only way to deal with a bully is for the child to have the love and support and that support actually confronts the bully so that bully knows the child bullied is not alone… 🙂
“It is not the size of the dog in a fight that matters, it is the size of the fight in the dog”.. Mark Twain
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June 15, 2019 at 7:37 am
I’m delighted to hear your opinion on this point Dutch and agree that the solution is unconditional love and competent support/anti-bullying policy, that assures the victim that they are not alone and also leaves the bully in no doubt that their behaviour is inappropriate and will not be tolerated. It is important too, that it is the behaviour that is seen as maladaptive and not the child/person perpetrating the bullying.
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June 15, 2019 at 1:38 am
Rare is one too many. Support – absolutely! But it must include action to stop the bullying. Before it cuts any deeper.
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June 15, 2019 at 7:39 am
You’ve summed my post up beautifully, thank you oneletterup! I agree that words without action will not prevent further pain.
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June 15, 2019 at 2:54 am
your final paragraph about support is really vital … even rare is too often!
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June 15, 2019 at 7:44 am
Sadly it is so true Kate, as was our experience. Lip service and empty promises have left scars that are still causing obvious pain to one of our children and intuitively I can’t help but wonder if our other child is fully healed or has applied a very capable bandage to the wound.
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June 15, 2019 at 8:35 am
some can heal so please don’t doubt him … you have an open relationship so he will tell you if it arises again … often relocation and another interest helps heal 🙂
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June 15, 2019 at 8:52 am
Thank you Kate, I believe you are right in what you say and 99% of the time I don’t doubt it! He has flourished since he moved to college. Yes, we are close and have open lines of communication, thankfully! He is very philosophical & well read and has had that moment of awakening where he made the conscious choice to change his life. Things will improve for our daughter too, they are and have! Thanks as always for your company. X
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June 15, 2019 at 10:45 am
with unconditional parental love everything is possible … so few have that blessing!
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