My son is less than a month away from his exam results and in expectation of enough points for his chosen 3rd level programme, we completed the application form for his accommodation together last night.
We discussed choices of accommodation. We considered the different fees and charges and their due dates. As we worked down through the application form, I was surprised when he stopped and turned to me saying he was “excited!”.
You see, excited was not a word in his vocabulary for a long time. His happiness and excitement were taken from him by bullying.
His journey through primary and 2nd level education has been a very difficult time for him. To be honest it has been one of life’s greatest challenges for all of us, individually and as a family.
But when he turned to me last night and referring to it all, calmly said, “I am grateful for it all” then I knew that the upset, frustration, isolation, insomnia and every other barrier we faced was for a reason. It was all needed in order to bring him and us to the happy place we have reached today.
So, I’m sure you can imagine how great it was to hear him voice his excitement! I told him I was excited for him too and for the future he has ahead of him!
But I knew what he meant; he has learned a lot, we have all learned a lot thanks to the painful lessons of bullying. We know that his bullies’ words and actions slowly wore down his resilience. We now know that his happiness and excitement wasn’t taken from him by bullies. Instead, he thought he was powerless. He allowed his happiness and excitement to be taken by those bullies, we did too, we gave them power over us by letting their behaviour affect us. We didn’t engage in self-care or nurture ourselves enough.
But not anymore! Now we know how to listen to our feelings. We can identify signs of stress. We can see those bullies for who they are! We know their back-story and we’d take our story over their story any day!
We can move forward now from a place of confidence and hope. And we can also with conviction say these painful lessons were indeed the greatest teacher!
Much love,
Marie xx
P.s Isolation is one of the most difficult aspects of bullying, if this post resonates with you please share your thoughts in the comments below.
July 22, 2018 at 9:45 pm
This is wonderful and congratulations to you both.
I wish my own parents had been part of the solution rather than part of the problem. You are wonderful Marie. X
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July 22, 2018 at 10:08 pm
Hi Darren, Your kind words are so appreciated! It has been a long journey! I am sorry to hear your story was so different and must have been very difficult for you. Things have changed a lot since we were young and as parents we were lucky to be able to access supports that helped us improve our awareness and which would have been unheard of in your parents time. Thinking of you.
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July 22, 2018 at 10:19 pm
Thank you Marie. There has been a real change of attitude to these things since the 70s, for which I am glad. X
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July 22, 2018 at 10:38 pm
Very true Darren and not before time! X
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July 25, 2018 at 12:28 pm
That’s an insightful piece, Marie. I’m happy for John. The world is his oyster!
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July 25, 2018 at 1:49 pm
Hi John, that’s lovely to hear! Things have a way of working out for the best!
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October 5, 2018 at 11:05 pm
What an incredible son you have Marie! How proud you must be of him and how delighted for him we all are! I can’t imagine how hard it must be to have experienced such bullying in his life and to have come to a place where he is able to have excitement and happiness back in his life! Congrats to all of you! May he have the best year ahead with much excitement, happiness and self-nurturing! xx
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October 6, 2018 at 10:43 am
A simple part-time job changed his life and once he saw he was so well accepted there he was able to rise above the negative school experience. I do feel the world is waiting for him! Your son will be fine also, just ‘love him’, visualise him happy and graduating and it will come when the time is right. Xx
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October 6, 2018 at 12:52 pm
I am so proud of your son! Thanks Marie. So far, we’re getting through it. And yes, I love him to pieces! xx
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October 6, 2018 at 1:01 pm
When we were struggling to understand our son’s difficult moods and sought some professional help for him, it helped him greatly, helped us communicate better and the beautiful young Counselling Psychologist’s last words to us was ‘just love him’. We took her advice although at times it was difficult and slowly it broke through the hurt and protective guard he had built around himself. You love and care for your children is as clear as day from your posts! Have a nice enjoyable weekend. Xx
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October 6, 2018 at 1:06 pm
Thank you Marie! May you have the loveliest day as well – filled with love, joy and sunshine! I agree, love is the answer! xo
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October 17, 2018 at 9:55 pm
Bullying is truly something horrible for anyone to go through… I love your courage to talk about this.. ♡♡
Feel free to check out my latest post written about the same the main reasons of bullying..
Xoxo 🐙
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October 19, 2018 at 5:34 pm
Thank you for reading and encouraging reply! I’ll do that!
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January 5, 2019 at 9:24 pm
I’m so happy he was able to work though it and grow from his experience with bullying. When I was bullied I went through a lot as well. Unlike his bullying where it was just at school, my bullying was at home as well. My older sister was the worst. My parents weren’t too far behind. My youngest sister was the only one out of my 3 sisters that never had a bad word to say to me. She was and still is, one of my closest friends. The bullying for me got so bad that I had an eating disorder that I still struggle with but not as bad today. I also went through the stage of cutting myself and wishing I was dead. A girl in my high school saw my cuts and pleaded with me to talk to the school therapist. She and I had never talked before but she was desperate for me to not continue. I did stop with the cutting but the effects of years of bullying and other types of abuse led to depression that I still suffer with. But through the years things have gotten much better for me. I’m happier now as a 25 year old mother of 3 and wife than I ever was as a kid. I do feel the bullying helped me to become stronger. Little things don’t affect me like they used too. I’m glad your son is excited and grateful. Bullying is hard to deal with but easy to overcome. I’m happy for your family to finally be in a good place and I hope you continue on the road up.
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January 5, 2019 at 10:39 pm
Ashley, I’m glad you felt comfortable enough to share your experience here. I think it will give hope to others who struggle with the effects of bullying. I’m delighter you had the love and support of your sister. Just knowing somebody understands us and is there for us can make a huge difference on difficult days. Keep focused on your goals and flourishing!
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January 6, 2019 at 1:53 am
I hope my experience can help others. It was definitely very nice having my sister. Any kind of support helps with this kind of thing. Your son is very lucky for you and that you stuck right by him. I wish you and your family nothing but happiness and good days ahead
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January 6, 2019 at 10:05 am
It took us a long time Ashley to understand our son’s behaviour, they were very emotional and challenging times but when we finally found the right avenues and support, we were better equipt to help him and ourselves. I really appreciate your kind wishes. Thank you!
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January 6, 2019 at 12:40 pm
You’re welcome! 😊
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March 5, 2019 at 1:27 pm
Just a bit terry eyed. Finding gratefulness is tough enough, being grateful for good experiences as well as bad, that is exceptional growth.💜
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March 5, 2019 at 1:32 pm
Kim, thank you for taking time to read and comment. He is very insightful and has taught me so much as has Emma. I am truly blessed! Xx
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March 5, 2019 at 1:39 pm
I am grateful to have been allowed to read your journey. Thank you for sharing the depths of the problems with bullying. It affects all who are touched by it. 💜~k.
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March 5, 2019 at 1:51 pm
That’s so nice of you to say Kim and encourages me to continue. Xx
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March 5, 2019 at 1:57 pm
💜
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March 5, 2019 at 9:26 pm
Thank you for this lovely reminder of both the pain and destruction caused by bullying, and also the possibility of gifts eventually derived from our greatest and most painful moments.
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March 5, 2019 at 9:55 pm
Thank you Donna for reading and taking time to share your thoughts. Life is a great teacher for sure! Le grà, Marie
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March 6, 2019 at 2:42 am
No idea how I missed this post … it’s all been said above! You all rose to the occasion and have learnt and now help others … well done!
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March 6, 2019 at 9:32 am
Thank you Kate! It wasn’t a rosy picture for a long long time but slowly with patience, determination, seeking answers, acceptance and love as a family we got there together and we are still coping with the after effects but now with more confidence and trust that with the right strategies and support we will flourish. Another post you might like is Flashback Friday “Acceptance”, Love & Time..this post, like the “I am grateful for it all post, were where I began to find my voice . Thanks as always Kate Xx
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March 6, 2019 at 9:35 am
looking for it now!
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