Could a “Selfie” help us develop the power of awareness and of choice…?
Recently I was sitting waiting outside a Health Centre where people can access GP and Welfare support.
A young mother came out of the building with a baby girl of about 18 months on her hip and she also had a young boy of about 6. I heard them talking and was amazed to hear the little boy say “life is tough”…so mature I thought and philosophical for someone so young!
Whether his words brought home the reality of the situation to her or maybe for some other reason she started shouting and giving out to her little boy to get into their car.
As she strapped her younger child into the car-seat, she continued to verbally abuse her little boy and I was horrified to see her raise her arm at him as she leaned across the car towards him, invading his personal space, physically threatening him. I felt sick to my core. I thought she was going to physically strike him.
I wanted to jump out of my car but… I paused. I took a “Selfie.” Not a physical “Selfie” but a psychological “Selfie.” I recalled from my counselling studies the golden rule of “Do no harm” and I made a conscious choice reminding myself that this lady was too emotional to view my interference as anything other than that.
My “Selfie” reminded me of the knock-on effect my interference could have for her children if I fired her up even more. I felt sad for that little boy, sad for his day being ruined and sad for a future ruined, always wondering what he did wrong, always trying to please. I felt sad for that baby girl emotionally upset but not even able to voice that upset.
But my “Selfie” also helped me choose not to judge that young mother. I was not privy to her own upbringing or her present environment and the impact of both on her. I didn’t know the events that led her to this emotional state or way of behaving. I could only hope that the GP or the Welfare Officer were looking after her to the best of their professional capacity and helping her overcome any issues that were driving her behaviour.
I wanted to reach out, to help her break the cycle. If she could pause, mid-upset to just take a “Selfie” I believed, it could be the key to awareness and choice. It could help prevent her two children travelling this same weary, frightening, soul-destroying road.
I wanted her to become aware of the innate power of choice which she has. She may not have the power to solve her problems, at least not in this present moment, but she has the power to choose her attitude, her reaction, her behaviour. I wanted to give her the power of a “Selfie” a snapshot of awareness and of choice.
Much love,
Marie xx
July 14, 2018 at 1:59 am
You were wise in your decision Marie.
Being a trained mediator I do interrupt & diffuse these events but with great wisdom, knowledge & experience in how I gently do this… because you are correct…it can escalate the outcome for the children if not done very wisely.
Jennifer
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July 14, 2018 at 6:38 am
Thank Jennifer…I agree it needed the skills of a mediator or health care professional or maybe even a mature friend. This mother needed compassion, affection, kindness and support in seeing that she has healtheir choices that her emotional lens, as you’ve posted, because it is foggy and inexperienced can’t yet see.
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July 16, 2018 at 11:36 pm
oh Marie, such incredible insight. I would have done the same. It is always what might make it worse and it is so sad we even have to THINK that. The good then is yes, we can indeed take a good look at ourselves. And the beauty in retelling the story either verbally or like you did her on a blog is maybe someone might take a deep breath and realize, gosh. I need a “selfie” too. Well done my friend.
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July 17, 2018 at 2:39 am
Thanks for your lovely comment Donna…awareness is key for sure but it’s a mystical thing how we can be unaware of our behaviour and it’s implications for like forever and suddenly something shifts and WHAM it hits you in the face and you realise there is a happier, healthier, more efficient or more effective way of being! Why can’t we be born 50!!!
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July 17, 2018 at 9:29 pm
I agree completely. hahaha. !! Perspective is everything. In fact just this morning I was at a funeral for one person while my sister in law was in surgery for a brain tumor. I remember feeling so sad and fighting back tears only to realize how lucky I really am to be able to BE a support system and be in good health, myself. Yes…50. I love every age I am for different reasons. And I will take age over beauty any day of the week. (My sister in law is in recovery and doing well)
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July 17, 2018 at 10:11 pm
I’m glad to hear your sister in law is doing well. I’m sure it is a terrible shock to all of you. Health really is wealth!
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