I thought I’d share a painful lesson.
I recall being very upset by a hurtful comment, thrown at me in the heat of the moment. It shocked me as I was big-headed enough to think I was perfect! Giving 150 per cent of myself…I was left in no doubt that, from their view point, this was far from the truth!
I felt my heart, viscerally and violently extracted from my chest, I saw my heart in flitters under my feet…years of hard work, vaporised into thin air!
I was left a mess for days, a broken, empty shell. I crawled inside my shell, and there… I came face to face with my inner child. I watched her, my ‘Id’ in action as she cried, complained, sulked, and cried some more.
My self-righteous ‘super-ego’, also took part and told me I hadn’t tried hard enough, I failed, I wasn’t good enough!
My rational, ‘Ego’ tried to voice my positive thoughts, tried to be assertive, tried to gain back reason but I didn’t stand a chance! The negative thoughts wanted free reign. They were in power and they liked the limelight!… I waited, still struggling… I rested, still thinking… I quitened down and I wrote but there was no escape…this had to be dissected and processed…this needed time! This time was painful!
Then, slowly, like an explosion in slow motion, the domino effect halted, the smoke screen settled and I learned an awesome lesson…
I realised that there is no right and wrong, just different versions of the truth! I felt compassion, becoming aware that the message giver was not in a good place and feeling threatened ‘triggered’ an emotional response.
I realised they pushed their emotional struggle over onto me using ‘transferrence’ in order to cope with their overwhelming distress.
I realise they found my ‘weak’ spot, my now made conscious, unconscious lack of self-belief and concern at not being ‘good enough’ and as a result I allowed myself to be ‘hooked’ or ‘triggered’.
But with the aid of the powerful tools of time and reflection, and a little self-care…I realised…
They didn’t rip my heart out…
No, although it’s a shock to admit it,
I… ripped my own heart out…because…
I doubted myself, because…
I judged myself, because…
I passed sentence on myself, and because…
I found myself not ‘good enough’.
But then my inner voice recovered and I knew beyond doubt that I was ‘good enough’. I admitted I had been working hard to value myself and I had learned to accept myself. I accepted this as just a temporary set-back, a lapse in resillience and I knew I just had to nurture my scared and scarred inner child.
I also accepted that the bearer of the message had his or her own learning to do but this was not something I could sort as they have to learn through their life path and own choices.
I also became aware that my lens was clouded, it needing cleaning and widening.
I felt happy knowing my lens could accommodate alternative views that would allow me grow and flourish!
That lesson was a hard one to learn…but it really brought home to me the reality of what I keep telling my students, namely that we learn best from our mistakes!
And when the dust settled I knew I could move forward in peace…
“By making the heart a zone of peace, it affects everybody you touch.” Jack Kornfield
…but I would add “…including yourself!”
Ask yourself have you been ‘triggered’ or have you allowed yourself to be ‘triggered’? Have you learned any lesson as a result?